I was in the marching band in high school here in the US, and our drum line was known for spreading inappropriate jokes. I’m curious if anyone else has a harmless sex joke and a story behind it. My personal favorite was:
How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Because Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper!
Haha!!! 
Oh I can’t think of any naughty jokes but can’t wait to hear some more from everyone 
Really sorry about this one….heard it at school….which is a really long time ago… its very long…but at the time it made me laugh like a drain!
So three old school friends were hiking through the forest when they realised they were lost. They had been walking for hours when they saw a light in the distance. They went to investigate and discovered that it was a convent. They knocked on the door, joking that it will be filled with wrinkled old nuns, so no chance of a warm welcome.
To their surprise the door was opened by a beautiful young nun, who immediately welcomed them in. The young nun was soon joined by two of her equally stunning young girls, and they enthusiastically helped the three guys get warm, offered them food and generally making them very welcome.
After they had eaten a hearty meal, with a steady supply of very nice wine, things got a bit more friendly. In fact it wasn’t long before the three juicy young nuns were impaled on the rigid pricks of the three lucky wanderers.
All of a sudden the door crashed open, the Mother Superior had found them and a voice boomed out,
“How dare you violate these young nuns! You must be punished”
“Because your base urges are driven by your make member it must be removed to take away any chance that you will offend again in the future”
“You must wait in the next room and I will call you in to administer your punishment”
The first guy went in, the Mother Superior asked “What is your trade?”
‘I’m a Butcher” He replied
Reaching for a meat cleaver she grabbed his cock and with a single swing cut it off.
The second guy was called in, same question.
“I’m a lumberjack”
Reaching for a large axe, she grabbed his cock and cut it off.
Suddenly, without being called the door flew open, the third guys was there undoing his belt.
“What are you doing?” asked the Mother Superior
“Well I’m a Lollypop Man, you’re going to have to suck mine off!”
Edited by mod
Swearing heavy - apologies!
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window ‘Pianist wanted for evening performances’.
‘Fucking get in there you cunt!’ he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the fcking manager of this pigs shit middle class wankhole please you cunt’, he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. ‘Can I help you sir?’ he says
‘Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the cunting window and I’m here to audition…wanker.’
The manager is naturally put off by the man’s abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, ‘Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?’ ‘That song, you big nosed twat, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter’s eye, and now the cunts blind…’
‘Oh’ says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less “lively”.
‘Wanker…’ interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. ‘That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the shitbox you get crap on your bell end.’
‘I see’ says the manager, ‘Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?’ 'Well there’s my jazz number “Do you want me to split your ringpiece”, or there’s the epic “I don’t care if you’re older my dear, you’ve still got nice jugs”.
‘Look’ says the manager interrupting, ‘I think you’re a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little “racy”. I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.’
‘F*ck it’ says the pianist ‘Why not’.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. ‘Hi’ she says. ‘Hello’ he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, ‘Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?’
‘Know it?’ says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I fucking wrote it!!!
One for the dirty minded amongst us…
Should I be concerned?
My GF just called to say she was going into town to meet a male friend and take him from ATM and then on for her facial. After that she was going back to his place to help him with some edging in his garden and to check out his doggy.
He also wanted her help testing out his VCR with different plugs as well as practising his oral presentation before his interview the next day.
Maybe I’m paranoid but it all sounds a bit suspicious to me 
although she did promise to take me back a creampie…. she knows I like sweet treats… 