I'm new here and honestly, kinda relieved to have found this forum. My OH and I have been married for 15 years and our sex life has lost all its spark. Partly due to the fact that life has been very stressful for the last 2 years and its been exhausting.
Partly due to the fact that I was very ill for a good many of those years and he was incredibly patient when I had no sex drive at all. But now its back (YAY for me!!) with a vengeance.
When we were younger the sex was amazing and I really miss that hot, sweaty, rip-my-damn-clothes-off-and-do-me-NOW sex.
I am adventurous with sex (so is he) but I am horribly shy about asking for what I want so thats a bit of a hurdle for me. I'm also a bit worried that I'll dent his ego if I suggest that things are not quite what I'd like them to be. Or that it will turn into one of us accusing, the other getting defensive which I really dont want.
Since finding this forum I've been picking up tips from reading old posts but wondered if anyone had anything they could suggest. I've bought some goodies from LH and that should help. We used to watch porn together - we could do that (daft question but where do you buy it online?)
hi yoko the only free safe site i have found is you porn, like you tube but for porn i wouldnt go on normal porn sites to pay as most of them are scams and put viruses on your pc, i hope that helps a bit.
there are a lot of free porn sites out there and at least one to cater for every taste. i suggest a google search which will help you find what you like.
the search function on this forum is good, as reading past advice form members who might not be active any more can help immensley. also dont forget the lovehoney blog!
Hi Yoko, welcome to the forums. Glad to hear your sex drive is back!
Definitely sounds like there could be room for improving communication between you if you're shy to explain what you like. I think it's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about explaining what you like, especially if you think it might come across as a criticism of a partner. However, if you want to help things improve it's a topic that does need discussing - but choosing the right time goes a long way to making this easier. Trying to explain while you're not in a sexual situation is the best way to go about it.
Also, just wondering if you have a lot of physical contact that isn't sexual - for example hugging, surprising each other with kisses etc? Upping the frequency of non-sexual touching and affection always seems to boost bedroom action in my experience!
On the porn online thing, its great to watch free porn online, burt in the interest of relightling ur spark, sometimes its very sexy and naughty to actually go to an appropriate shop and pick some thing together like that, its a bit cheeky, usually make you giggle and just the picking it together may....haet things up....then when thats over, you've got the porn to watch to get you going again.....+ the memories of picking it out will make you smile when u look back
We decided to spice things up a bit recently too. I have just started paying mrs simker for BJ's. I get more now than ever and they seem better. Dont know if its the thought of paying or she wants the money! We have been married for 16yrs and things can stagnate if you dont work on it.
Well, maybe even surprising each other in the bedroom? I am currently single, but I do have occassional lover and what we do is that sometimes we prepare a surprise for each other (based on what we know the other likes). But it does require being very open with each other. And dont be afraid of being judged if you say you dont like it. Or if you dont like it to say so.
Hey Yoko, I suggest writing down a fantasy role play, and giving it to him as a letter that tells him you want him to act it act, be quite detailed, I garantee he feels the same way you do, this way he will know exactly what to do and won't feel the need to make things up as he goes along, which will help getting into the swing of things.
Me and my OH had a similar thing, and we are now getting back to our old selfs, in fact a better version! Also I've been taking a look at the board game Monogamy, looks fun!
MissOrgasm I like what your idea about actually going somewhere to choose some porn. That would definitely work.
And I'll check out Monogamy too - that's one I haven't heard of. Thanks for that JonnyBeBad! And yeah you're right; we got back into our groove a bit this last week and he tell me its great to have his randy wife back again
Awwww, itis so sweet hearing about a couple finding a renewed interest in one another. I just love that.
Thanks Sweet-Kitten External Media It feels really good to be in this situation too. I don't know how we ever got to this point, but its so good that we're coming back from it.
If you are really shy, trying writing down a few things, start at the little bits then get more adventurous, youll soon find it funny you had to write it down and be a lot more open :)
