Had a quick search and couldn't see this post before.
So, I have been dating my girlfriend for over 4 months now, she is a virgin. Without sounding to soppy, I love her dearly, we have been experimenting at her pace and so far, so good (slight understatement ;P), the subject of sex has come up and we have discussed it in great detail, we attempted intercourse but she found it too uncomfortable before I could fully penetrate her. Does anyone have any advice to minimise her discomfort as I do not want to hurt her and I want her to enjoy it as well.
Other than taking it slowly and getting her to let you know what's comfortable (and what's not) I'd recommend some lube - to make things easier and more lubricated.
Perhaps don't attempt to fully penetrate her the first time, just tease with your head and go bit by bit as she gets used to you.
I'd basically treat it how you would treat a first time anal sex session, in otherwords, massive amounts of warm up, lots of lube and taking it very slow. Start off with one finger and then build up slowly to three. From there, just attempt to penetrate her slowly with just your head, pausing for a few moments and then continue when she is comforable.
Alternately, you could suggest that after the warm up, she climbs on top, cowgirl style, and then takes it at her own pace.
Seriously, I cannot stress this enough. Even if you think she's wet enough, use lube. The first time I had sex, the first several times, in fact, it was incredibly painful. The first time I'd had 45 minutes of oral beforehand, so it would have seemed I was wet enough.
On the contrary. Around the sixth or seventh time we had sex, I decided we had to try lube. It didn't get rid of the pain completely, but that first time we used lube it was the first time that sex was enjoyable for me.
I imagined lube would be a key factor and have 'borrowed' some KY jelly from work. Some have said it is best to just get it over with and the pain will quickly subside, this seems logical (like taking off a plaster) but a little cruel.
I like the idea of making her cum first. I will try that next and see how it goes. We had also tried inserting a finger and seeing how that went, one was fine two was a no no.
We started off with fingers long before we had sex. One hurt at first but after a while I got used to it, so we moved up to two. Two really hurt, and continued to. After a while I realised that it was probably gonna hurt forever. Getting it over with might be the best thing to do, in the loveliest way. I think if it's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt. There are things you can do to make it easier, but it's unlikely to be pain free.
I remember my first time.. It hurt a lot. Not because he wasn't gentle enough or that I wasn't wet enough (even with lube) just that I wasn't used to inserting something that big lol. I had only used mini vibrators before that.
Perhaps buying her a soft yet firm dildo/toy that is similar to your size will help her with the penetration and build up to it. Just remember that she should try and be relaxed as possible. It's a psychological thing too. A lot of foreplay will definitely help. I remember my partner telling me to let him know what felt good and what didn't etc. Communication is key and very reassuring.
I was very sore after the first few times which made it worse then on. So it may help to remember that after the first couple of encounters.
Good luck. It's sweet that you're thinking of her needs. =]
If two fingers are a problem then, trying not to becrude here, i'd say she is very tight. I'd say forget about trying to insert your penis for now and really work on making things nice and comfortable and making sure she can manage larger sizes. Pain is a no-no, and can cause more harm than good.
If two fingers are a problem then, trying not to becrude here, i'd say she is very tight. I'd say forget about trying to insert your penis for now and really work on making things nice and comfortable and making sure she can manage larger sizes. Pain is a no-no, and can cause more harm than good.
My OH couldn't fit 2 fingers in (the first few times) but somehow.. just somehow he managed to get through. It's weird. They can be be pretty damn persistant. =P
I'd suggest toys just so she can be familiar with having something similar to you inside her and for her to get comfortable with that. You can both experiment with that and perhaps use it as foreplay? With the toy she's able to insert it at her own pace and use it how she wants etc.
Personally, when I lost my virginity, I experienced next to no pain. That was because I had spent some time before this (over a period of months actually) gradually sizing up through vibes... not exact ones, but I mean a bit like:
Like I say, I'm not suggesting that's "the way" but it's what worked for me. If nothing else, I'd suggest a vibe like the first one, of the BASIC ladyfinger vibe which is a quid cheaper, FYI... I found the vibrations helped me relax the muscles in the area and allowed for more pleasurable penetration with the vibe :)
as has been said befor go slow get her really worked up give and orgasm or 2 orally use plenty of lube, then very very slowly enter her talking to her all the time showing her telling her how much you love heretc, and while you enter her play with her clit aswell.
she will have some pain it wont go away and cannot be helped but even afrer you have broke through the hyman still go very slow treat it as making love not sex, after you will see blood but that is totally norma.
the idea of the orgasms is so she doesnt associate sex with pain, and it will be slightly less uncomfortable for her.
