So me and my partner share a love of all thing sex. We have a very dom/Sub relationship and do go very far with some riskier things, so trust and communitcation is not a problem! I have enjoyed anal play, fingers rimming and a slim dildo and love it. I want to take it to the next level but i am worried. i tried this with an ex and it hurt far to much. i realise now that i wasnt relaxed or trusted him at all so it was dombed before we started, but the worry of pain is still there. i have bought a starter kit for us to work up to it but any advice you can give would be great. i really want us to be able to enjoy this journy together safely and with as much pleasure as possible, the ulitmate goal being anal sex. Thanks in advance
I'm going to recycle an old post of mine. Not all of it is applicable, but I think you will find something useful in there.
Anal sex is something where everyone has their own preference and way of doing things. For beginners, the most important thing is to TAKE IT SLOWLY. The anal passage is a very delicate area and must be treated with utmost respect.
Step 1: Preperation.
If you feel comfortable to explore anal play, you may wish to consider a little cleaning down there. There is a lot of controversy as to whether 'douching' has any real benefit, other than instilling a sense of confidence. We all know it's a 'dirty' place, but after a bowel movement, the lower colon is usually very clean - so a shower before hand, and washing the area with just some warm water would usually be sufficient. If you wish to go a bit further and clean a bit more internally, then may I recommend the Basix Anal Douche (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=952). It's perfect for beginners as it's nozzle is small. Carefully fill the douche with warm (but not hot, or cold) water. Never use any kind of soap, as these can cause irritation and discomfort. Do not overdo it, as you risk flushing out all of the good stuff in your gut that helps keep your colon happy and healthy. Check the video here for more information about Douching (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/buyers-guide/how-to-use-an-anal-douche/)
Step 2: Lubrication/De-sensitizing
I cannot stress the importance of a good lube enough. A good anal lube should be relatively thick, as this makes entry smooth. There are many good anal lubes available, and a good one that I use is Sliquid (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13181) - but use whatever you feel comfortable with. With regards to de-sensitizing/numbing - i'm on the side of the fence says that don't do it, unless you do find it really painful. The trouble with numbing gels is that if you use too much or don't use it correctly, you can end up doing more damage as you can't feel what's going on (believe me, I found this out the hard way! Having to sit on a rubber ring in the office for a week was no laughing matter!). But if you feel it might help, then you can find lubes that have a slight numbing effect that might make it easier for you. But this leads me on to the next step.
Step 3: Start SLOWLY and small
You certainly don't want to start with anything bigger than a finger. Your body will naturally want to stop things from going up there, and if you force anything too big up there, you will be in agony (again, I speak from experience). The best thing to do, is to first of all, make sure there is lots of foreplay. You want to be completely relaxed and aroused. If you are anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, then it will be a painful (and regrettable) experience. Start off with a nice bath, then maybe have him give you a nice all over body massage with a nice sensual oil. When you feel ready, have him apply some lube to the area and begin by just slowly teasing the area. Make sure he doesn't go full insertion straight away, just take it slowly. Gradually, let him work his finger all the way in. And then let that be it. Like with many things, Anal requires alot of patience and for lack of a better word, 'training'. Once you feel comfortable with fingers, you may want to consider a butt plug. These are a little bit bigger than a finger, but still smaller than a penis or a dildo. You can begin by letting him put it in you, whilst he pleasures you orally to help enhance the sensations. Again, don't rush it, take it slow. After a few sessions like this, the area will become more receptive, meaning you can start to go for something bigger.
Step 4: Remain in control at all times.
The best position for starting anal (for most people) is with you on top. This allows you to control how deep he goes. I personally recommend this to anyone. I had an all to terrifying experience where I was not in control and I was injured and it wasn't fun! Trust me! Slowly lower yourself onto him - if it hurts - stop. Allow yourself to relax and then continue. If this proves to be comfortable, then you can try other positions. Doggy is also a good position, and allows for clitoral stimulation (I guess the only way I can describe it is a 'reach around' if he was to hold a vibrator a massager against the clitoris as he's inside you).
REMEMBER:
Don't rush into it all at once. You need to make sure you are prepared, comfortable and if at any point anything hurts, stop immediately. Anal sex can be an amazingly intimate experience for all parties, but it requires trust, communication and patience.
I'm sure other members will probably have other good ideas and tips as well, and i've probably missed something, but remember - everyone has their own way and knows what feel good for them - the best thing to do is to experiment, but take it slowly and carefully.
I wish you the best of luck!
I was gonna offer some advice too, but I think that was pretty thorough. Haha
Thank you. some of this info i already knew but feel much much better that its been confirmed by someone who has had experience. This may sound like a very silly question but. In time once we have reacted Anal sex. If it was something that we did not do again for a few weeks or longer do we need to 're train' before starting again? I hope this question makes sense :-)
It's a difficult one - some people do, some people don't. All I would say is thoroughly warm up before hand!
Great advice DavidB1986! And I love your profile pic :)
Great advice David - the only extra thing I would add is that I use an anal relaxant spray that really helps me - also have a review posted on here:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28767
Whenever we do have anal sex - we always take a lot of time to build up to the actual moment. Mr Scorpius uses various anal wands, plugs and his fingers to gradually stretch me and relax me. We don't do this days before - just at the time - sometimes it could take an hour sometimes less - it all depends on how I am feeling at the time - just relax, take your time and use plenty of lube :) xx
Just echoing really.
Start slowly, lots of foreplay, finger>toys>dick. Decent amount of lube but I personally find flooding everything can be counter productive, can always add more but difficult to take it away!
Communication is important, relax and enjoy. Takes us a while, an hour or so to get warmed up and balls deep!
While we are talking about anal sex, Scorp you have one mighty fine ass! *cough*
Ste wrote:
Just echoing really.
Start slowly, lots of foreplay, finger>toys>dick. Decent amount of lube but I personally find flooding everything can be counter productive, can always add more but difficult to take it away!
Communication is important, relax and enjoy. Takes us a while, an hour or so to get warmed up and balls deep!
While we are talking about anal sex, Scorp you have one mighty fine ass! *cough*
*coughs* thanks :) xx
Lube, lube and more lube. Nice warm bath so clean and relaxed. Start slow with some fingering , remember to get some lube inside. One way to do it for the first time is. Line up doggy style get your OH to stand still and open your cheeks open and you back on, in your own time. You control the depth and speed. This is also a great turn on for your OH to stay still whilst you ease yourself onto him.
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Thank you so much everyone this is all amazing advice :-)