Hi guys and girls. Recently me and the OH have been talking about trying a threesome/foursome. We have agreed that it would really turn us on, and the foursome idea would be the best as one person wouldn't feel left out. We have also agreed that there would be no kissing and no actual penetrative sex with the other couple, and have agreed that there needs to be rules that we stick to if it happened, to respect each other's boundaries. The thing is....... we both don't want to do something, regret it the day after and damage our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.
Not really sure what you will do with the other couple then if no penetrative sex or kissing.
What if one of you really gets turned on with some soft play and it ends with full sex? In the heat of the moment this could easily happen whatever you may have pre agreed.
I'd personally say if you're really against full sex being part of it then you really need to proceed with caution or not at all.
I've had threesomes and foursomes before that have involved full sex and found it a great experience. I haven't done this with my current OH yet but I'd love to watch her with another guy and would definitely want lots of penetrative sex for her!
They've got each other if they wanna do full sex. When I used to swing as a couple, it was pretty easy to only do soft play and stick to boundaries. Same as a single lady. I was in a poly relationship and I couldn't have penetrative sex with the male. He and his wife used dildo's on me. Worked out fine.Michael777 wrote:
Not really sure what you will do with the other couple then if no penetrative sex or kissing.
What if one of you really gets turned on with some soft play and it ends with full sex? In the heat of the moment this could easily happen whatever you may have pre agreed.
I'd personally say if you're really against full sex being part of it then you really need to proceed with caution or not at all.
I've had threesomes and foursomes before that have involved full sex and found it a great experience. I haven't done this with my current OH yet but I'd love to watch her with another guy and would definitely want lots of penetrative sex for her!
I admire your will power. It's way better than mine. I'm not sure I could handle soft swing. I used to do a fair bit of swinging with a previous partner at various clubs round Manchester and it always ended in full swap.Purring-Pussy wrote:
They've got each other if they wanna do full sex. When I used to swing as a couple, it was pretty easy to only do soft play and stick to boundaries. Same as a single lady. I was in a poly relationship and I couldn't have penetrative sex with the male. He and his wife used dildo's on me. Worked out fine.Michael777 wrote:
Not really sure what you will do with the other couple then if no penetrative sex or kissing.
What if one of you really gets turned on with some soft play and it ends with full sex? In the heat of the moment this could easily happen whatever you may have pre agreed.
I'd personally say if you're really against full sex being part of it then you really need to proceed with caution or not at all.
I've had threesomes and foursomes before that have involved full sex and found it a great experience. I haven't done this with my current OH yet but I'd love to watch her with another guy and would definitely want lots of penetrative sex for her!
Me and my wife have had many, many 3somes, 4somes and moresomes but my advise to you is don't do it just yet . Talk and talk some more until you are both sure its what you BOTH want to do. If it is then there is plenty of time. Don't rush into it.
chisel wrote:
Me and my wife have had many, many 3somes, 4somes and moresomes but my advise to you is don't do it just yet . Talk and talk some more until you are both sure its what you BOTH want to do. If it is then there is plenty of time. Don't rush into it.
And consider going to a club to get an idea of what you are getting into, most I've heard have private rooms where you can get intimate alone if you wish. You don't have to play.
We would recommend a 4some for your first group-sex experience, exactly for the reason you say, so that one person doesn't feel left out. Suggest you start off in a swinger club, so you can go at your own pace and be on neutral territory - unlike inviting people to your marital bed for your first time.
Take things easily, we soft-swung (exchanging partners for foreplay only) for a few vists before we were ready for a swap that involved penetration. Some people never do that but stay soft-swingers. Keep on communicating before and after each swinging experience and learn from each one.
We were worried about spoiling our relationship, but instead of jealousy both of us felt excitement when we saw the other one with someone else. Maybe we are lucky, again, keep on communicating and if one or both of you doesn't like any aspect, then don't do it again.
Good luck, it can be, and was for us, liberating and we enjoyed pushing our boundaries.
It ruins a lot of relationships when you go down this road.
Some call it consensual cheating. Id research and find out if its something you want to do. If you go ahead, DONT DO IT WITH PEOPLE YOU KNOW.
assblaster2000 wrote:
It ruins a lot of relationships when you go down this road.
Some call it consensual cheating. Id research and find out if its something you want to do. If you go ahead, DONT DO IT WITH PEOPLE YOU KNOW.
We haven't come across many swingers who have had their relationships ruined. But before you start, make sure -
* It's something BOTH of you want to try. If you are unsure but willing to experiment, that's fine. If one of you really doesn't want to do it and the other forces them, that's a recipe for disaster.
* You are not doing it because there is something wrong with, or missing from your relationship. Swinging should be an extra treat, not a problem-fixer.
* You TALK and keep on talking. Discuss your boundaries and intentions before every swinging event. What may you do if you feel OK about things? What will you never do under any circumstances? When you are playing, keep to your plans. After each event, discuss things together in detail. What did you like? What didn't you like? What didn't happen that you hoped would? The key is constant communication without holding anything back.
* You know that NO MEANS NO. Just because you are swinging, that doesn't mean anybody can have sex with you, treat you with disrespect or force you to do things you're not happy with. Swinger clubs enforce this rule strictly and you should also do at home. Any real swingers will understand and keep to the rule.
* Don't turn it into an obsession. Swinging is for fun and should be light-hearted. We know people who swing every week and have become 'hardened' - they just want more notches on the bedpost and it isn't really fun anymore. They will hav sex with anybody - be selective and only swing with people you like or are attracted to.
* Don't fall in love with swinger partners! Constant communication with your other half will help.
* Agree with the above, don't involve vanilla friends, but it's fine to become friends with people you swing with. We've made many good friends in the lifestyle and go on holiday with some. Just like having 'normal' friends except we have sex together.
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty - swinging isn't sinful, wrong or wicked, although some groups may say so; they have ulterior motives. There's evidence that our Pagan ancestors enjoyed group-sex and it seems to have been a pretty mainstream activity before the last 2,000 years anyway. We are rediscovering the joys of sexual liberation, and why not?
Its hard to stick to rules in the heat of the moment.
Your natural instincts just kick in - Like Kissing - That was a rule my Ex and I had and it was My rule to have No Kissing... I broke that rule about 2 minutes in and didn't even realise it because I was just caught up in the moment. It was exciting, I was completely turned on and so caught up with how I was feeling I just naturally started acting like I would with my partner.
I wish you all the best and hope you are a stronger woman than I!
I think it might be best to talk and talk some more and do your research. Also, if you find a couple you want to try it with, talk to then too, make sure they know your boundaries and what you expect. You can also try talking to experienced swingers about what their first time was like.