My OH wants to be dominated, this is a new twist on our sex play as it is normally myself that is being dominated… I have some ideas like using our collar and lead on her, but what else? She like it to start off sensual then move on to more rougher play? Any advice is greatly received
Underbed restraints (or cuffs) with a blindfold? Mix in some massage oil or a feather or something and do some sensory play. Makes stuff feel more intense for her and means you can go slow till you get comfy with it. (Plus i find them not being able to see you helps with nerves)
Collars are super. Always find just wearing one helps me get in the headspace. Even if you don’t want to use a lead you can just put the collar on her.
Theres lots of really simple power play tricks too. Like you being clothed and her being naked. Heigh differences do it too, like Getting her to sit at your feet on the floor.
Having a chat and asking her what she wants out of it is a good idea too. Make sure everyone is on the same page is a good plan
My wife likes to be on the receiving end too, but not really ‘hard’ stuff.
One of my favorites is to use some velcro cuffs and tie her to the bed in some sexy underwear and blindfold her, depending how mucky she’s feeling I sometimes gag her too.
Then I go and freshen up myself, have a shower, change into something nice for her like my butlers collar and cuffs, just keep her waiting a bit. Not too long maybe 10-15 mins. Then I’ll go in and have a play, a massage, kiss her all over, lick her and have a play with a vibrator to get her a bit worked up.
Sometimes then we just have some gentle sex, maybe remove the restraints or the gag or something. Other times if we’re feeling mucky I’ll ‘make’ her give me a blowjob, sometimes use an open mouth gag for that. Perhaps get the thigh cuffs and spreader bar out and just shag her silly.
Good to have a chat abut the sort of things she fancies, maybe go on LH together and her to point out a few toys she likes the look of.
I love to be dominated. He orders me about, and not just in our session.
He uses a collar and lead on me, underbed restraints, hand cuffs (metal and velcro), blindfold, whips, slapper paddles and crops, nipple clamps, restraint harness.
Depending on how “naughty” I have been he’ll either use the restraints on me or the rope to tie me up, and punish me with the slapper paddles, crops and whips.
Another punishment will be blindfolded and cuffed, grab me by the hair and “forced” to my knees and “force” me to give him a bj and tell me why I’m receiving this punishment.
Same again but after I’ve given him a bj, he’ll get me very close to orgasm with his fingers on my clit and deny me that orgasm, this will go on until I beg for my orgasm.
Blindfolded and cuffed, he’ll get me in the position face down ass in the air, and spank me, and then tease me around the inner and outer labia with his c##k .
If I’m in the shower he’ll give me a toy and “order” me to masturbate Infront of him, and then give him a bj.
If I’ve not done my chores to his standard that he set out for me to do throughout the day, he’ll put me across his lap and spank me with the various types of paddles we have.
We also have names for eachother, if I don’t call him by his “name” I’ll receive a punishment for that too.
Depends on how far you want to go.
I wear nipple clamp and chains, an anal hook and slave collar, handcuffs and under bed restraints depending on what she wants to do to me at the time.
You might not realise it but you’re at a huge advantage being a submissive yourself and it appears you guys have been together for a while so will be comfortable with eachother.
I identify as submissive but I’ve really enjoyed turning the tables over the last year or so, I feel that I know how to be dominant as a result of being submissive if that makes sense. I basically do or say things which I think would turn me on as the sub.
Some great suggestions already by others. I’ll just add you can have great fun bringing a chair into the bedroom for tying her to it or using it to go over your knee for a spanking.
Also enjoy the build up a few hours before we go upstairs, she can do some chores that you inspect and maybe make her be naked and or call you a name (i.e Sir) and an appropriate name for her.
Also enjoyed creating a quiz for her, every correct answer she got 10 seconds of pleasure, every incorrect answer - 10 seconds of pain!
Have fun! Make sure she has a safe word and maybe chat before to make sure she’s comfortable with the direction you’re going to go in (don’t need to be too specific as to not ruin the surprise).
Have you looked at BDSM Dom/ Sub ‘contracts’?
There’s some good ones online for free.
My wife and I have had many conversations about hard and soft limits, and filled out activity lists with scores from zero to five indicating whether we are willing to do or try out certain experiences. Zero indicates a hard limit, will never do type of thing. Five is a hell yes, please do this to me often kind of activity.
This has really helped us map out the boundaries of consent in advance, and keep up the flow so we’re not stopping play all the time. It made us both more confident about playing with power exchange, knowing that we have certain sets of permissions worked out in advance.
My wife finds restraints really sensual. Bondage can be a good way to build anticipation. Preparing and laying out the restraints ready for action is a fun way to initiate the play and a reason to handle her entire body and direct her to my chosen position for what’s to come. Sensual low whispers near her ear and lingering touches are great too
What comes after is up to her, in a very real sense. If she’s given permissions for a range of different options beforehand, then you will have a sort of menu to chose from. It can be a complete surprise to her on the day, and you can still have reasonable confidence that she’ll be up for what you have planned, and it will likely be a turn-on. I find it’s good to have backup plans too though just in case the play you have in mind is vetoed when it comes down to actually doing it.
Changing our minds in the moment is okay. The sub always has the option to use a safeword or gesture. So having a couple of known favourite toys or moves at the ready is a great way to keep things moving if something’s not working for any reason, and you don’t want to stop play entirely.
Hope you enjoy yourselves!
@Knottydevil that’s a really lovely post. Care for the sub always should be a priority.
Oh yeah! Aftercare too!
Thanks for the reminder.
If there’s anything potentially considered degrading, taboo, or has a potential to trigger feelings of shame afterward, or just in general, checking in with your partner is super important.
It’s good to ask what makes your sub feel loved and cared for after.
My wife generally needs a glass of water and being held straight after anything intense. I’ll usually check up next day with a ‘u ok gorgeous?’ kind of text or call her to check in.
Thanks all for the great advice, we have an afternoon to ourselves on Thursday, so will be trying out the ideas you have provided
Under bed restraints … SPREADER BARS (awesome things), and definitely blind folds. Top tips from me are to get an idea what’s ok and what’s not ok first but have a few surprises up your sleeve …
To be honest dominant thing is kinda natural for me and never need ideas for just willing sub to take what I can offer. Also I’m usually find that for most of times perfect mix is sensual n rough … for most
Anyways mixing is always best not even in sex …