Hi everyone!
I'm looking for tips or advice on how to help my boyfriend not be so grossed out with anal sex, I love the tradional missonary position and the cowgirl position but I really love anal, I love how it feels inside me and it doesn't hurt at all. It's really hard to get him into it and I really don't know how to convince him.
Some advice and tips would be great!
Thanks :)
Oh that's a tricky one if he really doesn't like the idea and thinks it is gross you may have to accept this . It's not for everyone some love it some simply don't like the idea of it never mind trying it. Best thing to do in my opinion is sit down and have a long open chat about it. What is it about it he doesn't like and what it is about it you do. Relationships are a compromise we don't all necessarily like exactly what the other does.
You could try asking if he would use a toy in your bum maybe wearing a butt plug while your riding him as he then has less contact but is still involved. It might just be he's worried about mess on his member.
Even if you pop the plug in then just carry on with normal sex you would get a little stimulation from your bum and he may notice how much you are loving it.
Bigduke wrote:
Oh that's a tricky one if he really doesn't like the idea and thinks it is gross you may have to accept this . It's not for everyone some love it some simply don't like the idea of it never mind trying it. Best thing to do in my opinion is sit down and have a long open chat about it. What is it about it he doesn't like and what it is about it you do. Relationships are a compromise we don't all necessarily like exactly what the other does.
+1 I would go along with the above and then perhaps print off Lovehoneys guide or obtain a book . these may help to allay any reservastions . However you also need to accept that Anal play whilst being the "in thing" at the moment isn't for everyone.
Trying to convince him it's not gross more than likely isn't going to work, especially as you can't promise there will be no mess and to a lot of people that IS gross.
Since it seems you really want it and he really doesn't, you could talk to him about comrpomises here rather than only one person getting their wish. Butt plug during sex is a great one, and he doesn't even have to put it in if he doesn't want to merely accept that it's there and driving you wild. You could go for a doggy style entry position to get even more benefit from the anal stimulation there. Going a step further and using a dildo on you is another. Even further again, using a condom on himself would mean no direct contact with your insides.
Obviously, the discreet butt plug would be the first suggestion as really, it doesn't take any courage on his part to let you inset a butt plug does it?
You shouldn't be forcing him into it, but equally he shouldn't really be outright saying no when there are easy compromises to be made. So it's worth having a calm discussion, outside the bedroom with no expectations :)
Literally, I said "do you want to do me in the bum?"
He said: "not really, it doesn't interest me"
*skip ahead a few weeks and I casually mention I've bought a butt plug*
I said: "do you want to use the plug on me?"
He said: "er...yeah, ok"
-after session-
Me: "so, do you want to do me in the bum?"
Him: "sure, we can work up to that"
Worth a try 👍🏻
I really shouldn't be saying this, but we first tried it as part of agreeing to a proposal of marriage.
She quickly became a real enthusiast of it.
Bugger!
Literally...
The Odd Couple wrote:
I really shouldn't be saying this, but we first tried it as part of agreeing to a proposal of marriage.
She quickly became a real enthusiast of it.
Bugger!
Literally...
not any of my buisness, but would it have been a deal-braker for the marriage?
yeah, I've always been nosy...
He could always wear a condom? that may help, or what about a strap on for him, some are hollow or you could use it to give you DP as lots have a hole to put the guys bits through.
Its got to get his imagination going if you're in the doggy position and he can see both going in and out right infront of him? then maybe he will come round slowly, does he like a finger up his bum?
I'd tell him to try it once and if he doesn't like it (he will of course) then he doesn't have to again, tell him you'll be clean and if he really wants to he can wear a condom..If he still doesn't want to, then I suggest buying a plug to wear during sex and a dildo with suction on the end for solo use in the shower..why should u miss out? ;) xx
Just a thought - have you tried stroking his bum while wanking him. He may not know how good it feels...
I just got really hammered at a wedding (one of the very few times my husband has seen me drunk and in a state in 12 years together) and said 'fancy a bit of bum sex'........it went from there. He had used his fingers on me prior to that though and worked me up about it.
I do enjoy it though, and have since turned the tables on him and asked him if he'll let me touch him etc. I think that's a fair enough exchange - don't dish out what you can't receive and all that 
My oh and I both like giving and receiving anal but it's definitely not for everyone.
Several approaches...
1. Communication, ask him why he's not keen and see if it's something you can put his mind at rest on.
2. Gently stoke around his bum whilst giving him oral and see how he responds, he may not know how good it can feel. Once he does he may be willing to return it.
3. If he watches you masturbate, slip a finger up your bum and make sure he understands how much you like it.
4. I have a really pretty plug with a beautiful pink crystal in the base. Buy one and bend over for him and keep it in for sex. I'm sure he'll like how it looks and feels.
But.....at the end of the day if it's not for him you may just have to accept and compromise. Perhaps he'd be willing to use toys on your anally. x
The Odd Couple wrote:
I really shouldn't be saying this, but we first tried it as part of agreeing to a proposal of marriage.
She quickly became a real enthusiast of it.
Bugger!
Literally...
haha! I've done a similar thing with OH, he doesn't get a threesome unitl he proposes.
its kind of cutting off my nose to spite my face- i want a threesome, but i also want an engagement so...
but its also like a sign of commitment and will make me feel more comfortable that it wont get between us.
to the OP, if he thinks it's gross you cant really change that. ask him how he'd feel about you wearing a buttplug during sex or using a dildo in your bottom.
if he's OK with that take it slow and let him preogress if he wants to
I personally don't have this issue as my boyfriend absolutely loves anal play and anal sex whereas I am not the biggest fan of it. However, on saying that here are some tips I feel would be useful:
1. Invest in an anal douche if you do not already have one. I personally find it awkward thinking of any embarrassing moments that could happen during anal play. Lovehoney have their basic douche for sale on here that works great and is really affordable. It helps clean you out completely and makes for a better experience.
2. Further to number 1, taking a shower is a good idea. It means that you are completely fresh down there and there's likely to be less of a smell or mess created by anal play.
3. Finding out what he feels comfortable with and what he would be totally against doing. Talking about it can often help relieve any potential worry and help him come to terms with you being open about things and willing to take things at his pace rather than rush him into something he doesn't want to do or doesn't feel ready to do.
4. Get him used to the idea by starting of very basically. Maybe invest in some anal toys if you think you would enjoy it. Butt plugs are a great idea as are anal beads as well as anything that vibrates. You could use it on yourself whilst he is playing with you or during sex or get him involved by asking him to insert it/take it out. If you aren't into sex toys then getting him to start out with playing with the rimm of your anus and then when he feels comfortable moving onto putting a finger inside and work your way up from there.
5. Patience is definitely a big thing. Rushing him into the idea will make him a lot more nervous and unwilling to want to do things. Take things at his pace and don't do anything he feels uncomfortable with.
6. Bring into play things he likes. For example, if he enjoys licking you out get him to play with your anus during that or if he likes doggy style then get him to play with it during then. Work with him to find what he really likes and what his limits are.
Good luck :)
The Odd Couple wrote:
I really shouldn't be saying this, but we first tried it as part of agreeing to a proposal of marriage.
She quickly became a real enthusiast of it.
Bugger!
Literally...
I think you were actually quiet shrewd in doing this. What I have learnt in life is that it is extremely important to maintain a happy healthy relationship over time, and to do that the two people involed should share similar sexual tastes. I like being spanked. Had parteners in the past that were not interested in that. Some tried but without enthusisasm so it didnt work for me. Finally being with someone now who wants the same things within a sexual relatonship as i do makes all the differance...
Thanks for all the advice everyone. The first post may have been worded a little wrong with the word "convince" I would like to him to be into kinks more, giving him the usual oral and just laying there, while he's giving it to me. I mean it's all good and all but... It's way too boring for me.
I've tried talking to him about it but the words kinda get stuck in my throat. Unless I'm drunk... That's a different story.
I'll do my best to build up the courage and talk to him about it; our relationship is healthy, it's the sex part that isn't.
Somethings take time to develop. There must be plenty of couples out there who literally just do the traditional style of lying on top and then rolling off. We all start somewhere but it's where we go that is the fun. Sometimes you also have to take leaps into the unknown and hope it will be well received. So over the past thirty four years my wife and I have progressed from the norm to using copious amounts of toys, waterspouts,squirting,anal,fisting and pegging. Once we were on that road we kept pushing it. Although we indulged in anal and she was also fisting me I had to just take a leap one day and asked if we could try pegging. She could hardly call me a 'perv' given that she fisted me already and indeed going back years it was she who first slipped a finger up my butt.
Maybe he equates anal as being dirty or only for gay sex,which of course it's not. Perhaps he doesn't realise that for both men and women there are so many nerves up there to be exploited and enjoyed.
Think you may need to be bold and take a risk and talk about it. Do you watch porn? If so perhaps introduce some anal porn.
Good luck.
I think, like others have said, that communication is the key, but not always verbal. He may be shy about talking about these things out loud, but happier in text maybe.
Certainly with me and my gf, we hadn't spoken about our fantasies or desires etc until I was travelling back on a train after a meeting in London one evening. As it was over text we both felt more at ease, and by the end of the night had a couples profile set up on a swinging website and by the end of the week were visiting our first sex club.
Its surprising where a simple text can lead 