So I walked in on my wife masturbating, which is a massive turn on for me. She was watching porn, and I was curious to see what she was into, so looked at the history on our tablet. She likes to watch a lot of porn that is either lesbian related (which i have no issue with). She also watches a lot of hard-core bondage, threesome porn, and anal. She then tries to hide what she has been watching and doesn’t want to tell me what she’s been watching. Neither of us want a threesome, and she doesn’t really like much bondage and very rarely let’s me or anything in her bum. She also watches a lot of gangbang porn. Is there anything for me to worry about as she won’t share any fantasies or fetishes with me, or am I overreacting?? Thanks
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You have nothing to worry about. I always find myself watching things that I wouldn’t necessarily do with my wife. Perhaps have a chat with her and see if there is anything she would like to bring from porn into the bedroom. Just reassure her she has no need to be ashamed. We all have had some dealings with porn and it sounds like she is just exploring.
Perhaps see if she is happy to watch it together or have it on in the background during sex.
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I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Sometimes people do use porn as a way to explore fantasies that they might like to do but just as often people enjoy watching things they would never want to do in reality. It’s no different to any other type of film in that regard really (or tv show, book, video game etc).
By all means let her know you are open to talking about what she watches or any fantasies she might have if she wants to but otherwise just let her do her thing in peace (and maybe don’t check her internet history again)
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Thanks for the advice both of you. Do you not think to some extent that what you watch in porn in a way is what you would like in reality? For example, when I wanted to try pegging I watched a lot of pegging porn.
I also want to clarify that I wasn’t checking her Internet history as I fully trust my wife, its a tablet we both use for our porn amongst other things.
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To an extent yes but that when the communication needs to come in with your partner as to what things she would like to bring to the bedroom and what things she would like to stay in ‘fantasy.’ A lot of the things you see in porn anyway is nothing like the real thing
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Personally, I rarely watch porn based on things I want to try but will occasionally watch porn based on things that I enjoy doing but can’t do at the time for whatever reason. More often than not though, I watch porn based on things I find a really hot idea, but that would never do in reality.
However, you said that your wife has shown little or no interest in trying bondage, anal or threesomes. If she is saying that she isn’t interested in doing them, then that’s the end of the discussion. It sounds like you’ve let her know what you would be happy to try with her and that you are happy to discuss what porn she watches and what her fantasies are (which is great). If she is shutting you down, then that’s the end of the story. Maybe watching certain types of porn might eventually make her reconsider what she would like to do or maybe it will just firm up her boundaries (“that’s hot to watch but I know I’ll never want to do it” sort of thing). Or maybe just watching the porn is enough to fulfil the fantasy.
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Do you “compare notes” on what porn you watch? Does she ask you about it, what you want to try (that she is comfortable in participating with you), what you are watching just because you find it turns you on visually, but have no real desire to actually do?
I wouldn’t read anything too much into what she watches, its her personal escape time. Just because she likes to masturbate to it doesn’t mean she wants to participate in it in real life.
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I agree with the above comments.
Many people like watching things they wouldn’t want to experience irl.
If she knows that you are not being judgmental about what porn she likes, and that you’re open to discussing and maybe trying out different things in the bedroom, she can bring it up on her own if anything changes.
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I agree with most of the comments here. I watch porn that depicts stuff I don’t necessarily want to do in real life.
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You say you both use the tablet to watch porn, but do you watch it together as well? Maybe try it, and talk about what porn you both like, it may lead to exploring stuff that you are interested in. Even if it doesn’t, it would be nice to watch together.
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I agree with @WillC, try to talk about it/bring up the subject of watching it together. Even if it doesn’t lead to exploring anything, just watching it together can bring you closer.
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I’m not sure if you are a gamer or not but lots of people play games they wouldn’t actively do in real life- driving stupidly fast, killing people (war games) or aliens etc.
Same for porn. Sometimes one thing leads to another and your looking at hardcore bondage before you realise it!
Maybe send an email/text if she’s not so sure on talking as such. Explain you enjoyed finding her the other day and are happy to explore other areas of your sex life together if that’s something she would like.
Don’t put any pressure and don’t mention you’ve looked at the browser history- could really embarrass her and turn her off!
Just support and emphasise how much you love her
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We all have our own fantasies some things we like the look of but would never want to act it out for real. If she is hiding what she likes or has been watching she probably is embarrassed that’s all.
You need to forget what you have seen and let her have her own time and own fun in her head.
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I agree with the comments above too, it doesn’t mean they’re things your partner necessarily wants to do, but it can be a healthy way of exploring fantasies.
Porn is a really personal thing, and everyone should be able to explore that in their own safe space. I personally don’t think it even requires a specific conversation; if you have ongoing open conversations about sex then this will ensure your partner feels comfortable if she ever did want to explore a different aspect of sex 
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I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Quite the opposite; you’ve now got the basis for a good conversation when the time is right.
You’ve an idea on the type of things that interest her, so chat about exploring those ideas.
But, just because she’s watching a type of porn doesn’t mean she wants to try it in reality. I like watching bank heist, doesn’t mean I want to rob a bank 
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I wouldn’t read that much into it. There’s plenty of stuff I watch that I would never (or can’t) do in real life. Some of the turn on can be from “Wow, I can’t believe these people are doing that 
” type of thing. Not “that’s what I want to happen to me” exactly.
Me and my partner are quite open on what porn we’ve seen. We don’t really watch it together and instead do it in our own time. Sometimes we’ve been watching the same videos as each other 
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I don’t think you need to be concerned by this. It sounds like just a bit of harmless escapism. I watch loads of stuff that I’d never want to actually do for real and some stuff that I would love to try but I know is highly unlikely to ever happen.
Porn can be quite a private thing, she may not feel the need to share it with you , she might think that if you knew she was watching gangbang stuff for instance, that you might think that deep down she actually wanted to do it and it’s possible that she’d feel embarrassed by it too.
Either way I wouldn’t let on that you’ve looked at her browser history ( I’m a big fan of private browser, it saves a lot of history clearing! )
You could suggest it might be fun to watch some porn together and ask her to pick and see what she comes up, then a more natural conversation could flow.
However, it’s possible that she may reject that idea and just want to keep her viewing habits private.
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We do watch porn together when we have our fun nights in. I do ask her to pick what she wants or choose something she would normally watch on her on but she never does and will only pick something either I really like (and she does to an extent) or.something that we both like. Any ideas on how to approach getting her to open up to me as I have tried in the past
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Hmmm it’s a bit tricky but how about the next time you watch together…you do the choosing and choose something that you now know she secretly watches on her own. Just say you fancied watching something you don’t normally watch and start a conversation about it then? That might break the ice a bit and she might feel less shy about opening up.
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