I'm the first one to admit that I'm quite quick to jump to the negative and take things the wrong way. I'm also the jealous type. I admit all of this and do everything I can not to let it interfere with my relationship but sometimes I just have to EXPLODE. Particularly when I'm doing the amount of work I've got on at the moment (I'm doing an MA degree in a totally new subject from my previous one and now I'm applying for PhDs... kill me...). Also, we're long distance which means less sex which means a frustrated and emotionally edgy bex.
So tonight I told him how horny I was, sent some sexy pics and all he did was say he'd already had a wank so not tonight. Great. He could have at least put me off gently. I get that I'm being unfair because he just physically wasn't up for it or even horny but that put me in a bad mood.
Then we're sitting having a bath together (it's a nightly thing we do to relax and have some intimacy while we can't see each other), and to assuage my mood he basically said how sexy he finds me. Not complaining about that. Awesome. Right thing to do. Then his mouth started running and we got onto the subject of how he likes women who are sexually adventurous and experienced. Mmmhmm. So kind of a compliment but also a sensitive spot for me because I come from quite a conservative family but have had more partners than my OH. Not a great thing to go on about. Plus he's called me a nympho before which I have to say I don't love as a term. Implies there's something wrong with women who regularly enjoy sex. Then we somehow ended up talking about other women he's been with.
NOPE. Not cool!
Not specific details, mind, he's not a moron, but I'm just so aware that he's done so much with other women that I'm just starting to do with him now. Anal being the biggest thing. He's done it with every partner he's had and I hate it. There is nothing left for us to do that he hasn't already done and to top it off I KNOW he has had amazing sex with his previous partners. This has come from silence rather than details but the evidence is still there and mightily unpleasant for me. Plus, the first time we did he got carried away in the moment and called me a whore.
I know I'm being TOTALLY unreasonable in so many ways but I need to vent and this is probably the most understanding place to do it in. Sorry for the rant.
Sometimes it just helps letting it all out :) I know how you feel though. When it comes to my sexual past my partner can't handle it. ( I guess I'm on the other side of it. ) In fact this evening we had a row because he wants me to remove my lovehoney account because over 2 years ago I used to post about my exes and our sex life and he doesn't like to know it's written down. ( Now thats unreasonable! ) Anyway my point is that it's hard for most people I think. I would feel really rejected if my partner had said no like that to me :( I'm sure he didn't realise how offensive he was being. I know I'm like no help at all but I know lots of the lovely people on here will be. Hope they can cheer you up better then I can xx
Sometimes it just helps letting it all out :) I know how you feel though. When it comes to my sexual past my partner can't handle it. ( I guess I'm on the other side of it. ) In fact this evening we had a row because he wants me to remove my lovehoney account because over 2 years ago I used to post about my exes and our sex life and he doesn't like to know it's written down. ( Now thats unreasonable! ) Anyway my point is that it's hard for most people I think.
I would feel really rejected if my partner had said no like that to me :( I'm sure he didn't realise how offensive he was being.
I know I'm like no help at all but I know lots of the lovely people on here will be. Hope they can cheer you up better then I can xx
You know what, just being told that there are other people who feel this way about it helps. THanks.x
Hi Bex, I'm sorry you're having a frustrating time right now. I appreciate where you're coming from as both my hubby & myself are the most jealous people on the planet! We used too be much worse but time has helped, especially now we know each other inside out. I would hate to be apart from my oh for a night or two. I used too be terrible because I know alot of his previous partners, the joys of living in a minute village! Id of been really gutted if my oh blew me off like that too it would, a knock back id always hard too take. But he's a man who will be clueless that it's had an effect on you. Maybe try telling him it makes you feel uncomfortable hearing about his previous sexual encounters as it makes you feel insecure. The last thing I want from my hubby is details of his conquest's! He's the same with me, apposed too hearing about any of my sexual encounters. Also the past ones don't matter, it's the ones you make together in the present you'll be reminiscing about in a few years. Sending hugs and positive vibes hun *♡*xx
Hi Bex, I'm sorry you're having a frustrating time right now. I appreciate where you're coming from as both my hubby & myself are the most jealous people on the planet! We used too be much worse but time has helped, especially now we know each other inside out. I would hate to be apart from my oh for a night or two. I used too be terrible because I know alot of his previous partners, the joys of living in a minute village! Id of been really gutted if my oh blew me off like that too it would, a knock back id always hard too take. But he's a man who will be clueless that it's had an effect on you. Maybe try telling him it makes you feel uncomfortable hearing about his previous sexual encounters as it makes you feel insecure. The last thing I want from my hubby is details of his conquest's! He's the same with me, apposed too hearing about any of my sexual encounters. Also the past ones don't matter, it's the ones you make together in the present you'll be reminiscing about in a few years. Sending hugs and positive vibes hun *♡*xx
I think he is being unreasonable especially talking about his former girlfriends knowing it will make you insecure.Ihave only discussed mine when my wife when she has enquired about them as like you she can be a little insecure. As the years have gone by she is probably much better now in the insecure department.
He is also wrong to compare you sexual lying to his previous partners as every one is different .What's more if you don't like Anal then he shouldn't pressure you either as that is one of your boundaries..
I also hope you smacked him one in the chops when he called you a' whore". I don't care if it's as a result of getting carried away you deserve much more respect than that. The only time such usage of words is permitted is when doing role plays when specific role call for it.
I think this guy owes you an apology big time and should grovel to you in the hope for forgiveness.
I think he is being unreasonable especially talking about his former girlfriends knowing it will make you insecure.Ihave only discussed mine when my wife when she has enquired about them as like you she can be a little insecure. As the years have gone by she is probably much better now in the insecure department.
He is also wrong to compare you sexual lying to his previous partners as every one is different .What's more if you don't like Anal then he shouldn't pressure you either as that is one of your boundaries..
I also hope you smacked him one in the chops when he called you a' whore". I don't care if it's as a result of getting carried away you deserve much more respect than that. The only time such usage of words is permitted is when doing role plays when specific role call for it.
I think this guy owes you an apology big time and should grovel to you in the hope for forgiveness.
Take care!
He has.
To be clear, I don't hate anal, I now love it actually, what I hate is the knowledge that it's not something special for him like it was for me.
Aw bex, like you I've been having a similar problem with jealousy/insecurity. Just vent and let it out. It is good to get it off your chest instead of letting it all stew inside your head. Try to talk to him about how it makes you feel and that whilst you understand that him having other partners is normal, it doesn't mean you are completely 100% ok with discussing the ins and outs, you will only compare yourself. Gently remind him that there are certain sensitive topics and tact is a helpful quality to have.
Think of it as he is with you. Not them. You are clearly fabulous, he is putting time and effort into being with you, long-distance and all. Try to work on believing in that :) xx
on a side note, if anal was special to you, make that clear and let him know he better appreciate it, because anal in itself is quite the special thing
I am glad he has apologised to you because I think you deserved far more respect. Anyway I think he has still to make it up to you.So insist that he serves you as a Butler for a day pampering to your needs.
sounds like he's been a fool. Anyone with 2 brain cells to bounce around knows that talking about your exes, regardless of whether your current partner has a jealous streak or not, is a bad idea and could upset them. I expect in his head (very wrongly) he thought it was a good way to start the conversation going in some direction or other, but he's been v dumb.
Glad he apologised and hope he learns from it. And don't feel bad for it winding you up some, he did do wrong.
Try not to let it get to you what he's done in the past though. An adventurous relationship doesn't mean a better relationship, and he's with you rather than them for a reason. You obviously fulfil desires they can't. Also as adventurous and kinky as things get, an intense night with someone who really means something to you can be far better even if it's the most simple sex possible
Hi Bex. I had a lot of the same problems, especially when my SO (who was my first love, first time, first anal, first everything really) confessed he had slept with his ex (aka his first love) after we started getting together- and in vivid detail. But since it was before we were together or even started talking about being an item (curse that grey area), the rational part of me said it wasn't cheating and therefore I shouldn't be jealous. But when we moved in together and he brought a picture of them together I lost my shit!
So all I can a year on from that now, is what most others are saying. Be open with him! As the jealousy and resentment built within me and I kept trying to shove it away as irrational, our relationship also suffered. Now we've aired it and discussed it more then we probably should've. We both regret the events which led to this colossal rut in our relationship. But the more we talked the more I, and we, healed. Now any time I'm the least bit upset about her (or my day, or something he's said, or the fact that we don't have a puppy...) I make myself sit down and talk to him about it and why I thonk I got upset. He hated it at first because he thought I was attacking him, but the more we talk the more we learn! So really, talking is everything.
now it also sounds like he was a bit of an inconsiderate a-hole, but it could be the circumstance or that you were upset as you wrote. But if he routinely treats you like this then maybe it's not the kind of thing you can talk to? And that advice comes only from concern and first hand experience with a sister's ex, so I'm probably very wrong and out of line.
i hope my two cents are worth something and you feel better, but remember, getting hung up on the past will only make it harder to see your future! (soz I'm bad at vague platitudes but the meaning is sincere)
I would advise against talking about exes full stop unless your partner explicitly asks about them during conversation. Whoever you are with currently (to quote Mr Barry White) is your first, last and everything and the answer to all your dreams!
Speaking as somebody of 47 (nearly) and divorced the lovely other dinosaur who I've been with for 13 years is the only girl in the world.
Well, I might be the odd one out, but I actually think no topic whatsoever should be kept secret from your life partner. Exes are a huge part of who one is at the moment intimately, sexually, emotionally, etc. I don't think it is a topic to be avoided. I was my husband's one and only, and he had some jealous tendencies in the beginning, but he knows all about my exes, and even met some of them. I can even joke with him about them, or confess hung-ups about them to him. If you are solid in your relationship, these things will only bring you closer, instead of creating dispute.
Well, I might be the odd one out, but I actually think no topic whatsoever should be kept secret from your life partner. Exes are a huge part of who one is at the moment intimately, sexually, emotionally, etc. I don't think it is a topic to be avoided. I was my husband's one and only, and he had some jealous tendencies in the beginning, but he knows all about my exes, and even met some of them. I can even joke with him about them, or confess hung-ups about them to him. If you are solid in your relationship, these things will only bring you closer, instead of creating dispute.
I see where you're coming from there hun. I agree that everything should be shared with your soulmate/life partner. I remember when I got together with my hubby 10 years ago knowing he'd had his fair share of sexual partners who most of them live in a 20 mile radius, the perks of living in a small area! So we talked about all our encounters because basically it'd be awful being with one of these exes and not knowing. We know each others sexual history inside out but I don't need to be hearing about it now.
That's lovely how you're your Hubby's one and only 💏 xx
I don't know how long you've been with your oh, it sounds like not all that long as you're discussing likes and dislikes. It takes time too get to know each other inside out, if you're right for each other you'll laugh about the sexual frustration because the long-distance relationship etc. Wishing you both all the best hun  xx
Well, I might be the odd one out, but I actually think no topic whatsoever should be kept secret from your life partner. Exes are a huge part of who one is at the moment intimately, sexually, emotionally, etc. I don't think it is a topic to be avoided. I was my husband's one and only, and he had some jealous tendencies in the beginning, but he knows all about my exes, and even met some of them. I can even joke with him about them, or confess hung-ups about them to him. If you are solid in your relationship, these things will only bring you closer, instead of creating dispute.
I see where you're coming from there hun. I agree that everything should be shared with your soulmate/life partner. I remember when I got together with my hubby 10 years ago knowing he'd had his fair share of sexual partners who most of them live in a 20 mile radius, the perks of living in a small area! So we talked about all our encounters because basically it'd be awful being with one of these exes and not knowing. We know each others sexual history inside out but I don't need to be hearing about it now.
That's lovely how you're your Hubby's one and only 💏 xx
I don't know how long you've been with your oh, it sounds like not all that long as you're discussing likes and dislikes. It takes time too get to know each other inside out, if you're right for each other you'll laugh about the sexual frustration because the long-distance relationship etc. Wishing you both all the best hun  xx
To be fair, the issue is not about sharing everything, the issue is more about the insecurity within yourself. For example, I genuinely want to know about my partner's ex, and knowing about her is fine, issues arise from the insecurity from myself, not the fact that he's told me.