So I'll keep this as short as possible;
I was horny, Oh wasn't so was licking my face to be silly, hating getting my face licked so I said if he wouldn't stop I'd grab his balls (I never would btw), he said I'd better get back on Tinder and find some matches and guys to date (joking about with this for a while), then I opening my damn big mouth and said without thinking "well I can just go to my mate coz he offered to f*** the living daylight out of me" joking of course and the guy said this before me and oh started seriously dating and I said no anyway. But Oh got annoyed and upset and wouldn't touch me after that, apologised til my mouth was dry 🙁 I was only joking, I don't want anyone but him and told him this but nothing. He just said it was time for me to go home, took me back home and hasn't responsed to my messages (3 as don't want to go overboard) has read them though. And he actually flinched when I tried to touch him....I don't know what else I can do. I felt absolutely horrible when I realised I'd upset/annoyed him and will until he forgives me 🙁 hates making people feel bad especially someone I love, I live to make people feel good.
(sorry for the rant) Any advice?
I fully understand it's easy to throw something back at a partner when your arguing or playing as it sounds like you were. There are no quick fixes. I would give him a little time (couple of days) then try and talk, calmly and honestly.
I don't think he is over reacting either though. He probably thinks you have sleep with your mate. No amount of you telling him otherwise will change that. Would he phone that mate? To ? Ask? If you have sept together? Please don't phone your mate, it will only add to the "guilty" feelings.
Hopefully after a couple of days your partner will calm down and things will return to normal.
Think FunLouise is right. Give him a little space to calm done. I'm sure if the roles were reversed you would be upset too.
When he's had chance to calm apologise again, let him know sincerely how important he is to you, that you don't want someone else and that you want to talk it through.
Good luck AlyBlue
Give him some space for a couple of days. He probably needs that time to think about what you said and decide how he wants to move forward.
I will agree with you that what you said was out of order, imagine if he'd said something like that to you? Joking or not I think you'd have been upset too. I do think it can be easy to throw things out in frustration, so my advice is to be cautious in future. We all make mistakes. I can't even count the amount of times I accidentally put my foot in it when I was in my teen years and wished I could take it back straight away!
This might have put doubts in his mind regarding this friend of yours and whether anything has ever happened between you two. It's also likely that he isn't going to want this friend around you once the situation has calmed down.
When he's ready to talk, be prepared for a tough conversation and answer any questions honestly. I think this is salvageable, but give it a few days to cool down and then ask for a chat.
Good luck! X
I'm sorry but yes you said something silly to get up your defnece and yes maybe taken it a bit to far, but wasn't he the one who suggested finding someone else in the first place. Is he really saying this as a joke? I'd be asking myself why he would have said it. I'd be hugely offended if my partner suggested that to me..joking around or not.
Hopfully you two can sort it out, but he needs to realise you too was quite hurt by what he said and as any person would you snapped back at him without thinking.
100% what others have said, leave it a few days, have time to think and try meet up for a chat.
I know it was totally out of order 🙁 I was such a stupid idiot! Honestly..... I'd be taken aback, but I know I'm really lucky to have him and there are loads of girls out there whod want him, but I trust him. 🙁
I was a virgin when I met him, and he knows I've never slept with anyone else. The friend isn't even a friend really, he's a old sext buddy (online only) , we only say hi less than one a month on fb and the occasional photo like, he doesn't even know where I live.
Ok I'll give him time 🙁 just can't believe I was such a selfish idiot! Think I'm just going to delete the friends off fb. Thanks guys xx
Like the others have said give him a few days to calm down as he probably is hurting right now. He will prepared to talk once he is ready and proccessed what you said. If you were a virgin when you met him then he knows he is the only one you have slept with. Reassure him of this and have a good serious talk. Try not to feel to bad and beat yourself up about the issue.
As the others have said you need to give him time to calm down.
Much of what you have said on here perhaps you need to tell him ie that you were stupid and regret your actions.
i am guessing that this is a newish realtionship and your still at the stage whereby your still finding things out about each other.
Reading between the lines it sounds to me he is perhaps the jealous/insecure type and in the future you may need to adjust your banter accordingly. My OH of whom we are celebrating our 21st wedding anniversery next week is of a similar ilk . I only need to look at an attactive woman in a sim suit and I get the "Paddington Bear stare in return " You'll get used to it but sometimes you will feel like your treading on eggshells .
I agree with mysteron about the insecurity thing. I really don't think you should beat yourself up about this as the remark was only really an extension of the banter about Tinder that he had already introduced to the conversation. Perhaps he thinks there is history or more between you and your 'mate' (unfortunate term in the circumstances perhaps) and this is why he has reacted so badly.
Frankly, if he can't accept your honest word about the relationship (or lack of it) with said mate you are the one who is entitled to feel offended, not him. Perhaps it's about time for some push-back.
Seems a bit of a childish reaction to be honest, if he was offended then that's fair enough - but he could have just been honest and said he felt upset, you would have (and did) apologise and that could've been that! I think it's a massive overreaction and shows an insecurity he has. Which is a shame, but you're both adults - talking is the answer, not sulking!
I'd give him some space and not contact him now, you've done your bit and apologised, there isn't anything more you can do. If you keep messaging him and begging forgiveness over something relatively trivial, he may behave like it again! Eek! Good luck lovely x
I tried to reply last night but fell asleep on my phone, and I sorry for that.
I think we have all pushed a bit of banter too far at one point or another in our relationship. As others have said, and just give him some space for now. I am a believer in every joke there is always an element of truth in it and that's why we end up hurting. With you mentioning your friend it could be retaliation for the hurt on the Tinder comment or your way of telling him you do have options. Whatever your reasons you know you went a bit far. We all do.
Let him cool down and keep us posted x
To me, it sounds like he set the tone of the banter with the Tinder comment. Like he is saying that that kind of banter is acceptable.
Don't get me wrong I personally don't agree with what was said by both parties ( that is just me) but you said something that followed on from him telling you to find someone else. So to me, it's all banter in that case!
I hope he comes out of his sulk soon and you guys can talk about it and find mutual banter ground, we have all been there finding our feet as a couple.
Sending positive vibes here you have a lot of good advice.
I do agree with a lot of what's been said however I do feel he is playing you somewhat.
Knowing a little about you, the age and experience gab between you . He knows exactly what he's doing , its not very fair. Yes what wax said is not very good but his using it against you in the way he has chosen is typical of how some men use emotional blackmail to control women they know are devoted to them.
I have seen this unfortunately to often before, I'm not saying you should do anything different from the advice above, just be aware of it. Yes give him a few days but it will have to be you that does the chasing and apologizing to nurture his ego.
Although you made an error of judgement in a reactionary way your partner was aware of his initial torment of you.I would not take so much of the blame if I were you.He is also due you an apology.He sounds like he could be a lot of hard work moving forward in the future.Trying to appease someone who is insecure or attention seeking can become very stressful,can reduce your quality of life and erode your self esteem.Sori to seem so heavy but I have seen this happen to others and it can be a difficult cycle to break.Make sure he values your honesty because there needs to be trust and respect in a relationship.
Although you made an error of judgement in a reactionary way your partner was aware of his initial torment of you.I would not take so much of the blame if I were you.He is also due you an apology.He sounds like he could be a lot of hard work moving forward in the future.Trying to appease someone who is insecure or attention seeking can become very stressful,can reduce your quality of life and erode your self esteem.Sori to seem so heavy but I have seen this happen to others and it can be a difficult cycle to break.Make sure he values your honesty because there needs to be trust and respect in a relationship.
Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:
To me, it sounds like he set the tone of the banter with the Tinder comment. Like he is saying that that kind of banter is acceptable.
Don't get me wrong I personally don't agree with what was said by both parties ( that is just me) but you said something that followed on from him telling you to find someone else. So to me, it's all banter in that case!
I hope he comes out of his sulk soon and you guys can talk about it and find mutual banter ground, we have all been there finding our feet as a couple.
Completely agree with Leanne! Sounds like a bit of banter taken too far. If he feels it's ok to dish it out... he needs to be willing to take it being thrown back!
Let him have a wee sulk and think he's teaching you a lesson! He'll be in touch soon enough. You apologised for what you said, that's all you can do, so please don't chase him.
Once it's all blown over I'd suggest you have a chat and both agree to NEVER joke about such a sensitive subject again!
Good luck Hun and stay strong! It'll work out xx
How about writing a letter or a card and then give him some space
You have apologized. Let it be. And while I know it is eating away at you don't allow yourself to be manipulated by anyone.
Thank you for the advice guys, he messaged me this evening; short but still something. Going to take the advice and let him cool of though, wait for him to ask to meet again so I don't push.
Gentle giant and thanks for the warning I know that I'm easily manipulated when I care (past experience), naturally forgiving and pleasing nature (good but a curse sometimes)bit never letting that happen again!. Thinking about it, it might have brought something up for a past relationship with him maybe. Xx
Seriously thanks for the advice guys, was getting so anxious and helped reading this xx