my bum hole is really tight and id really like to try to start up there but im finding it difficult even to get a finger in?
any advice
Patience, Practice and lots and lots of lube.
You need to be relaxed, turned on, and need to take it very slowly.
I have had my OH finger in a few times but it was nice but hurt
Try pushing out when his/her finger goes in. Also try beginners butt plug or medical style glove (both available here) to make things smooth and as David says, lots and lots of lube and make sure it's anal lube.
Whether with a finger or a beginners plug I find it best to go really slow.
Insert a tiny bit and when that feels uncomfortable stop, wait a little till you adjust and then carry on.
And of course plenty of lube.
beginners plugs may be easier than fingers as they are much smoother and I find they tend to keep lubed better.
Just to clarfiy, thats uncomfortable, not painful. If its painful take anything out, take a break then restart with more lube.
Maybe start with some anal beads. The graduation means you can go as far as you're comfortable with and work your way further. Lots and lots of lube, and patience :-)
You could also try relaxation CD's.
I know there was one for the Aneros Helix, which although I was a bit sceptical of does really help relax you and get you in the right frame of mind.
As the others said lube lube lube and plenty of patience and breathing exercises.
Good luck.
As others have said; patience.
Take your time with it and stay relaxed, if it starts to hurt then stop. You will find that in time it will get much easier.
I started of with beads before you it you're be a expert be patient I also found putting the shower hose in my arse and showering it out made for easy inserting and lube anal though happy playing x
Just a note, the go slow (at real beginner level) is more about getting used to the feeling which allows you to relax. You aren't THAT tight, you're probably just struggling to relax x
Completely agree with other comments it is a state of mind more then anything. Relax insert the first of a set of small anal beads let your body get used to it and relax then remove slowly and see if you can insert two. Take it slow with loads of lube!
Hi sexylad – the most important thing to remember is to take is extremely slowly, use lots of lube and stop immediately if anything hurts or is uncomfortable. Try to relax as much as you can. It is always best to start with a beginners butt plug or a finger - my Husband uses a glove when he does this so that afterwards you just turn it inside out and you have no worries about mess etc. We use these:-
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10680
You could also try a beginners butt plug like this one:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21767
It may take several sessions before you are able to penetrate fully - just take as long as you need and build up very slowly. Just get used to playing with your fingers for a couple of sessions and enjoy those sensations before you try again - making sure you use lots of lube - this is essential. I use either Lovehoney’s own Anal Lube or Sliquid Sassy as they both do not contain any chemical nasties - but there are lots of anal lubes on LH to choose from. Here is a Lovehoney guide on how to find the perfect lube:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/buyers-guide/choosing-personal-lubricant/
I have also added a couple of Lovehoney Guide links which I think will be helpful:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/buyers-guide/an-overview-of-anal-sex-toys/
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/buyers-guide/
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/buyers-guide/anal-sex-toys-beginners-guide/
I hope this all helps and good luck :) xx
The think that helped me to start is (not exactly sexy I know) you can open up to let stuff out, so you're not THAT tight, the more you struggle to get things in the less relaxed you are and the harder it is to get stuff in, and so on. If you try pushing out when you insert it makes it a lot easier, so does lube, try with your little finger then work your way up
You got 1 muscle you can control there and 1 you can't. The one you can't can learn to follow the one you can and this is why practice is needed. It's all about how relaxed you are when it comes to inserting something. If you are afraid/in panic or similar it will be close to impossible. Get really turned on and once being stimulated your partner can try ease something small in there so that your mind can get relaxed with the feeling that it is niice and not painful.
Eventually you can relax better and get something bigger in. Some can the first time others can use years.
I suggest you buy The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for men. Some of the above advice is a little inaccurate. This book will more than help with your difficulties.
Work your way up gradually, if a finger is too big, then use something slightly smaller (stay safe and clean by all means) and use plenty of lube! It'll come eventually (literally) ;)
tl:dr I don't think anyone else mentioned it;
Lay on your side, with the leg on top bent towards your chest a bit. Use lots of lube, on the area and on the finger itself. Push out gently as though you are using the toilet, Slowly slowly slowly just massage, dip the very tip of your finger in, and gentle wiggle in and out to free up the muscles and spread the lube around, then a bit further and a bit further. 2 steps in 1 step back, 2 steps in 1 step back always works for me. But in my experience, don't remove completely unless you intend to stop for the session - even when I'm prepped up properly, removing the item of choice completely can set me back quite far in the session and you will have to return to the careful beginning feeling. Ie, my partner using his fingers, once he retracts them my muscles clench tightly and still make it difficult to insert his penis and he still has to follow the same steps for the same length of time as when we began.
Also, one final tip, you probably are, but be aware of your anatomy. The prostate may be located towards the front (stomach) side of your anal canal, but the canal itself naturally sits almost vertical, leaned slightly back towards your spine... try to follow this angle/shape for your first times and work to bending in to prostate massage later x
Just ordered a butt plug and some lube :) see how that goes
Hi sexylad,
You may want to check this amazing stuff out, it really does ease things. ;)