Trying different things

Well I am trying to spice up our sex life like I always have ……. I have a dildo with a g spot tickler and a butt plug, cock ring and a wand plz tell me how can I intise him to use them I am struggle and any tips are grateful thanks x

I know how to tease him etc but I feel he struggles with his sex drive n he disengages but I have told him I love him for who he is……he doesn’t have a high sex drive at all but I try and have a drink with him and I feel in the past that’s what would have helped but recently when we do have a drink it don’t work the way it use to. So now I feel I am a little stuck cause I feel it is all I focus on……we do have amply opportunities to have sex but he isn’t interested….I am struggling big time….help plzzzzzz tia x

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He should get his testosterone checked sounds low. How old is he.

He is 34 never been a big sex person or had many sexual partners

Hi @littlehunny5

Have a chat with him and see where he’s at. Stress or worry can kill sex drive if there’s something bothering him.
Exercising and eating healthy will also help sex drive, and regular good quality vitamins.
Checking hormone levels is a good idea.

Trying to entice him with spicy stuff when he’s just not in that headspace could just leave you feeling frustrated. Gentle and kind communication is the best place to start, and eventually spicing it up will be beneficial once he’s got his mojo back.

But he has to want to do it for himself, so it’s best to talk to him and see if he’s going okay. I’ve got a thread about something similar I am going through with my OH, it’s a journey! All the best. :slight_smile:

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Very much agree with @mrssaffa

If he has a low sex drive, trying to “spice things up” is only going to do more harm than good. It will just feel like pressure and that’s likely to reduce his desire to have sex even more. If you want to buy toys for your use, that’s fine but please stop buying them with the expectation of using them together, it’s really unfair on him.

If it is all you are focusing on, that’s not good. I can understand the frustration of not getting enough sex and how that will play on your mind, but you need to find a way to shelve those feelings for at least small periods. Find a way to have intimacy but exclude sex. Spend time cuddling, kissing, touching.

You need to have a long, honest conversation together and for each person to have the opportunity to say how they feel and what they need.

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I 100% back the other lovely folks here. My husband is 37 and he has quite a low sex drive too: probably once a week, whereas I’m 3-4 times a week. The culprit in our modern era is quite likely some form of stress, and alcohol, although a lovely gesture, probably isn’t putting him in the mood for sex. If your chap is anything like mine, it just makes him even more relaxed!

Try to understand that you may have different drives, that it’s unfortunately all too common and also okay. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less or that he’s not necessarily attracted to you, he just loves you asides sex right now. It may also be that he’s intimidated by sex toys, so you approaching him with an armful of goodies might make him feel a bit burdened or inferior. Have you suggested other ways to be intimate, for example oral sex or mutual masturbation? Some people (my husband and myself at times included) love pleasing their partners, even if they don’t want an orgasm for themselves.

There are also other options, like solo masturbation and ethical non-monogamy. How would he feel if you had a partner for casual sex? Is that something you could consider?

Good points made - I find it works when you try something out of the comfort zone- in the past while driving I pulled up my skirt and started to use a dildo on myself in front of him - within minutes we were pulled over and he was deep inside

Try being dirty … take sex out if the bedroom - book a hotel for the night and bring your A game - dress up / whatever

Let us know how it goes

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Communication is key here. Just tell him you want to sit down and talk about it.

Ask questions. Approach it in the right (non-judgemental way) and I’m sure he’ll open up.