I am looking for ideas. My wife is fairly vanilla and we are working together to allow me some element of bedroom dominance, mostly orgasm denial/teasing.
She is not into pain or humiliation and neither am I. I like the orgasm control side of dominance, if that's what you can call it. I always let her cum though because I love seeing her cum. Maybe I'm rubbish.
Anyway we've been texting all day and she knows I'm horn, she also made a very nearly very expensive mistake that I caught in the knick of time. I have told her she is to be punished for this (in the playful sense).
Is there any ideas out there for vanilla punishment methods without spanking that allow me a position of control over her.
If you're wanting control over her, this can be pretty much anything when it comes to the bedroom. i am not sure what your limits are, being restrained or handcuffed can be a good place to start. You could get head whilst she is restrained with her not stopping until you're done. It could be something as simple as that to start with. Or as punishment you can start trying out orgasm denial which you've shown interest in already, my boyfriend sometimes puts me into a missionary position and refuses to go deep or fast to deny me from getting close to orgasm but still allowing himself to finish. Another thing is you could not allow her to touch you whilst you masturbate, so all she can do is watch. It's really up to you, be creative with it! Anything can be punishment as long as there's still a sexual element to it :)
Restraint can be thrilling without humiliation.. Just the act of restraining her arms while dishing out your punishment of denial/controlling her orgasm can totally enrich the experience without being too full on. I have only recently got into restraint and thought myself a little vanilla but as I get more into the restraining/being restained thing I'm finding it more and more exciting and satisfying.. Blindfolding is also very good, like I say, it doesn't have to be too hardcore, but it really heightens the senses so ask her if she'd be up for that first. Obviously build up her trust with one thing at a time and see where it leads you both. Have fun!
Overly prolonged nipple play WITHOUT touching me with anything (hands, mouth, toys, penis) “down there” (clitoris and/or vagina) would be very punishing to me. I love nipple play (with hands or mouth), but it gets me wanting so much more so denying me anything else for too long would make me do anything to get it ;).
Edit: you probably have done your punishment yesterday, so don't need this suggestion. Well, it can always help for next time.
A blindfold, and a tickler. The softest bondage ideas ever and I imagine that a tickler can be really teasing if you want to add an element of control to the bedroom.
Sorry, I'm also late to be giving advice, and you've already had excellent suggestions. Lovehoney do a lace blindfold that only partially restricts sight, if a full blindfold is too scary for her - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32251 - Blindfold and/or restrain her and then make her wait while you tell her what you're going to do to her if she promises to be good. Make her promise repeatedly. Or, if she's not too shy, make her tell you what she wants. Then make her wait while you decide if she deserves it. Tease her with different textures and temperatures.
I'd definitely suggest soft restraints. You don't even have to buy a set if you're not sure she will go for it - a soft scarf will do. I'd also suggest just holding/restraining her with your bare hands. It doesn't have to be too hard or uncomfortable, and it has the added advantage that you can loosen your grip immediately if she doesn't like it. Or tighten it, if she does. ;)
Depending how body confident she is you can tell her what to wear...... or what not to wear. Tell her to strip for you while you stay fully clothed. Tell her to masturbate while you watch - you said you enjoy watching her orgasm - and tell her you won't join in until you've seen her do it to herself.
How vanilla is she? How dominant do you want to be? Obviously you're talking about this with her already, so you're getting somewhere. Hope it works out well for both of you.
Perhaps even having her ankles ties or her wrists wristrained, with something soft like a tie or scalf if you don't have any specific items. A blindfold so she can't see what your doing.
if your feeling cruel you could put her vibrator against her clit while on its highing setting, then take it away when she is scwerming with excitement. If she has a glass toy put it in the fridge so it's cold (I love this) have fun whatever you decide.