Weird Ex Stuff...

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hey guys and gals,

Been a while since I've been on the forums. Busy busy busy. Anywho, I'm kind of having a WTF time of late... here goes (might end up being a long post):

Background: My ex-fiancée and I split in 2006 after she had an affair - with my then friend. (Well, I call it that but she actually only slept with him once before I found out and kicked her ass to the kerb.) The split was... acrimonious to say the least. Since then our paths have crossed a couple of times (it's a small town), and each time it's been frosty. One exception was several years ago when I went round to hers to clear the air and hopefully end the acrimony between us. After a very hostile reception "What the f*** are you doing here?!" it seemed to work. She gave me 5 minutes to say my piece and bugger off, we ended up talking for over an hour. I actually made her giggle with a bit of a mildly rude comment as I was leaving. Since then our paths haven't crossed at all.

Her family have, on several occasions over the years, made it clear to me and my current (and forever just FYI!) girlfriend that they don't like my ex's boyfriend. They are all still very friendly with me when our paths cross. In fact, I've sometimes been given stick from my ex's mum for not yet being engaged to current girlfriend!

Recently: About a month or so back, I bumped into someone who was coming out of a house on my walk into town (our regular route into town). She told me that my ex and her boyfriend had bought the house and would be moving soon. We live literally round the corner from said house. I'm not entirely sure who this woman is, but she obviously knows me. Neither I or my girlfriend had seen any sign of the ex when we've walked into town - which seems odd since she was supposedly buying the house.

Since then, the ex has on one occasion seemingly indicated her continuing hostility towards me - she liked on obvious troll post on Twitter about my tattoo. It's one which is deeply personal to me. Said troll claimed that I was obviously a townie because of it. She 'liked' the troll comment.

However, following that she commented on one of my Twitter posts, providing information which I already had (she wasn't to know), but which she obviously felt would be useful to me. She has also 'liked' and, on one occasion re-tweeted, several of my posts. By the way, this also means that a little heart appears on my notifications, next to her name. I find this rather irritating!

My girlfriend bumped into my ex's mum the other day. For some reason, she seems to like my girlfriend more than her own daughter - they're always nattering when they see each other! (Which I also find very odd indeed... It's not like they knew each other before we met!)

Ex's mum confirmed that my ex is moving in with him, but they are living in a house on a large ex-council estate. (Why the unknown woman would have lied to me is anyone's guess.) For some reason, she gave my girlfriend my ex's new address....! Current girlfriend and ex have never met. My ex once told me that the middle school she went to was "F***ing horrific. All the kids there are from [name of council estate] which means they're all scum." (Charming right?!) Now she is living on the estate she claimed to hate so much. It's not the nicest of areas granted, and it's not gone uphill recently either.

I have a blog. I also use Google Analytics. Thanks to a bit of tweaking and knowing my way around analytics, I know that she visits my blog from the links on my Twitter account whenever I post something new.

So, here are my musings:

What is her (my ex's) deal? Clearly there is something I'm missing here.

Is it weird that my ex's mum seems to really like my current girlfriend? (I think it is.)

Why on earth would my ex's mum give my girlfriend her daughters new address? What was she thinking? That we'd send a card?!

Why, after a few years of silence, the sudden contact?

And lastly (and this is my favourite!) Am I 'the one that got away'?

Apologies for the long post, but this is something I've never experienced from an ex before. I'm wondering if anyone has or might have any insights into her strange behaviour.

Oh, and I'm very happy in my current relationship just in case anyone was wondering. And I'd not resume any sort of relationship with my ex under any circumstances. My girlfriend and I have discussed this and the only thing we can come up with is 'Huh?'

Thanks for reading my long (as usual) post! x

2

Maybe your EX wants you back. Because, my EX girlfriend did a lot of crazy shit like that also. When we broke up, she would all my mom and told my mom how much she misses me and all that garbage. So my mom changed her phone number and I never ever gave my EX girlfriend the new one.

So in a round about way she might wants you back.

3

Funnily enough, my GF and my sister have both said the same thing...

If she does then she is going to be majorly disappointed. But, if she does, why would she buy a house with her current bf?! I guess the more I think about it the more questions it raises and the more ridiculous it seems!

4

Hmm. my twopence worth Lee,

Q...Is it weird that my ex's mum seems to really like my current girlfriend? (I think it is.)

Not at all, plenty of mothers dote on their kids OHs and that affection remains after the split. I would just accept it as is.

Q... Why on earth would my ex's mum give my girlfriend her daughters new address? What was she thinking? That we'd send a card?!

Possibly in the hope that some nice friendly folk (such as your OH) could have a positive effect on her daughter. Parents always want their kids to turn out nice even when they know what little shits they can be.

Q...Why, after a few years of silence, the sudden contact?

This one may also answer the last one... Please remember that I don't know and am only surmising here... She has taken the step of moving in with her new partner and may have mixed feelings.. this in turn may make her look elsewhere to deal with those emotions (another affair)... she may believe you to be an easy target for her 'distraction' from these emotions.

And lastly (and this is my favourite!) Am I 'the one that got away'?

You have said you are happy with your new OH, so I say ignore your ex for as long as you can and maybe she will find her peace elsewhere.. Stay strong.

5

hornyleekbloke wrote:

Funnily enough, my GF and my sister have both said the same thing...

If she does then she is going to be majorly disappointed. But, if she does, why would she buy a house with her current bf?! I guess the more I think about it the more questions it raises and the more ridiculous it seems!

Maybe she is trying to get you jealous of her new boyfriend. Or trying to rub it in your face, saying " See what you are missing by dumping me. Or she is trying to get near you to spy on you.
6

Bigjason wrote:

Maybe she is trying to get you jealous of her new boyfriend. Or trying to rub it in your face, saying " See what you are missing by dumping me. Or she is trying to get near you to spy on you.

A few years ago (before my current relationship), she came to me complaining how utterly useless in every way he is - not romantic, thoughtful nor any good in bed. Naturally, I told her to go away. If she's aiming for my jealousy, she'll have a very long wait. If she is saying "See what you're missing?" then she's barking up the wrong tree! I'm missing the square root of sod all haha!

I guess following my blog and social media posts could count as spying - although shes hardly doing it covertly.

I'd be interested to hear the opinion of the ladies of the forum ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

Guess it's one of those things that only my ex would know why - and it's unlikely she'd be honest enough to just tell me...

7

hornyleekbloke wrote:

Bigjason wrote:

Maybe she is trying to get you jealous of her new boyfriend. Or trying to rub it in your face, saying " See what you are missing by dumping me. Or she is trying to get near you to spy on you.

A few years ago (before my current relationship), she came to me complaining how utterly useless in every way he is - not romantic, thoughtful nor any good in bed. Naturally, I told her to go away. If she's aiming for my jealousy, she'll have a very long wait. If she is saying "See what you're missing?" then she's barking up the wrong tree! I'm missing the square root of sod all haha!

I guess following my blog and social media posts could count as spying - although shes hardly doing it covertly.

I'd be interested to hear the opinion of the ladies of the forum

Guess it's one of those things that only my ex would know why - and it's unlikely she'd be honest enough to just tell me...

That is so true. She will not tell you why she is doing it and she will not tell you the truth either. Good luck and keep us posted on what happens.
8

Sounds to me like you've had a lucky escape! It's not healthy to be hanging on to bad feelings and still keeping tabs on an ex over ten years later.

As for the parents, it's possible that they genuinely liked you and felt sad when you split up. I can't imagine they'd be pretending for so many years just to please your ex.

10

Thanks everyone for your replies. I really appreciate it.
Thanks Alicia. That’s incredibly insightful and helpful.

Update:

I’ve started writing a blog about my mental health. Part of it will naturally be about her, so I’ve been debating whether or not to warn her. Nothing vindictive or nasty and I won’t be mentioning her by name. Popular opinion seemed to be that I shouldn’t warn her and let her have the shock of finding out for herself.

I was going to ask for opinions on here, but this afternoon fate stepped in and decided for me...

It’s made my anxiety go through the roof.

I was on instagram with a blank direct message open to send to her. I was debating if I should or not. There’s a heart next to the bit where you type. I thought it was to show a selection of smilies. Thought I’d take a nosey. Turns out that’s NOT what it is... Ended up sending her a heart...

Of course that meant a quick explanation was necessary, followed up by the reason I was contemplating messaging her in the first place. So I’ve warned her about my blog. (It was either that or just leave the heart...!)

I started to worry about my girlfriend and what she’d think of this. She already knew about my internal debate and was supportive whatever I decided - that’s true love for you right there! So I called her and explained and apologised.

She though it was hilarious!!

Still, my anxiety is overwhelming at the moment and I’m so worried about my girlfriend and what she’ll read into this. I know it’s daft as she even laughed on the phone but it still really stressing me out.

11

I really have no suggestions but I felt for you because I started writing about my mental health a while ago. I was anxious about my exes reading it. I think it saddened them to read how I felt but they saw how writing helped me process my feelings, so they supported it. We split on good terms.

Your ex liking the troll comment and checking your blog is a bit worrying - they probably aren't vindictive but they might not be in a good place right now, or just having slight difficulty in adjusting to new changes.

You seem to have an honest and caring relationship with your current partner. I think you know what works best for you; give yourself time to figure out how you want to proceed. Blogging about your mental health is a big step. I wish you the best.