When breaking up, who keeps the toys?

I have recently gone through a break up, we collectively brought alot of things from Love Honey. Some were gifts to me, wrapped up etc. Including the amazing lelo Wand.

90% of the toys and bondage items are with him .... he says he is keeping them! Is this ok? I am a little perplexed as firstly most of them were gfts to me, seconadly they are tous we disscussed and chose together.

This is not as staright forward as it seems, he is a paraplygic, Paralysed from the chest down, he can get a errection with vaiagra; but this is not always gaurenteed. I am the first woman he has slept with since his injury. I feel we went on this speial journey together, he admits he was very very vanila before meeting me, this includes prior to his accident. We experimented with different ways to arouse and stimulate him ( as obviously he can not feel anything bellow his chest), and different ways for him to please me.

I asked; after he split with me. what he is going to do with the toys, i would like my gifts back. he said NO he is keeping them. I said any woman would find it odd to enter a relationship with you and discover strapons, wands, hog ties, leashes and much more .... he said, i dont think they will as I am a paraplygic, I have no quarms with using these toys on another woman in the future.

This really hurt! Partly as i want a few of those toys back for my own pleasure! .... but also that was a journey we went on together.

Am I wrong to think the toys should come back to me for my personal use, or put in the bin? Is it ok to keep the toys i wnted us to use and introduced to him on other women?

I think you guys should have a discussion and agree on splitting the toys between you or throwing them away. It's fantastic that you shared that journey together. I think it's inevitable that toys will be used with the next partner; I mean, of course it's unpleasant to think about but it's basically inevitable.

Thats a tough one, he sounds full of nger at the moment. Maybe just give it a little time and maybe if he's open to a reasonable discussion in the near future things can be done a bit more fairly. You need to make him realise that no woman would ever want someone elses sex toys, and asking another woman to use someone elses could show a lack of respect to the woman involved.

Break ups are hard, hope you can come through this okay x

Tell him that there’s limits to what a new woman in his life will accept. For example, if I entered a new relationship with a man and he pulled out the bondage, I could deal with that, though I’d maybe be a little irked. If he then procures a wand and tries to use that on me? Absolutely not a chance, I’d lose my shit. Doesn’t matter that it can be cleaned/sterilised/isn’t an insertable, toys like that I would expect to be bought new. So tell him this, and that you’d like them back, especially as they were gifts, and that he should stop being a child.

I agree with Hampshirecouple and VioletWolf. I wouldn't want someone to use the same toys on me that they have used with another partner. I can understand bondage stuff but not insertables or stimulators. It sounds like he's trying to keep them out of spite so you can't enjoy them by yourself or with anyone else. I hope you can sort things out with him and come to a decision you both agree on.

I agree with everything that’s been said in the comments. I’ve recently come out of an 8 year long relationship and we built up one hell of a toy collection together with lots of them being gifts to one another. We naturally split them into ‘male’ and ‘female’ toys. I wouldn’t keep a toy that I had used on him to use on a future partner, and he wouldn’t keep any of the vibrators or dildos that he gifted to me because... they’re mine.. and have been loved and used plenty by me. As for accessories and bondage toys etc we considered who bought them and who would make the best use out of them. I hope things settle soon and you can both come to a decision x

Real ups are never straight forward and I wish you well with you both coming to terms with it. Regards the toys though, personally as they had been items you enjoyed together, even though they may have been gifts the intention was a gift for you both to enjoy, I’d be inclined to agree neither gets them and bin them. May seem a waste but they will always have an emotional attachment to you both as a couple.

My ex and I split them as "ones used on me" and "ones used on him". Who bought them didn't matter, just where they had been used.

I hope your ex comes round over time, but he sounds angry and bitter to me, so I'm afraid you may never see them again.

I would say it only makes sense to keep what is useful to each of you. We are hapilly married but if we broke up I would keep my dildos, vibrators and other toys, no matter who bought. I bought him a Fleshlight and would expect him to keep it, it is certainly no use to me. I wouldn't really see any use in keeping toys that were not useful, I wouldn't be using another girls dildo that she had masturbated with that's for sure!

This is a really good question. One not many people think about.

So sorry to hear of your break up. Seems awful especially since the journey you have been on for it to be a bitter breakup. Is there no way you can both sit and discuss it a little and even try to come to some sort of agreement of at least trying to be friends given your journey and history. As a few ppl have said, I’d presume we would do the whole his and hers so to speak. Bondage items I think would be a bit of whoever would get the most use.