worried about anal play

Sex Tips & Talk
1

I haven't tried anal play yet but I'm preparing by reading up on it, buying a tiny plug (Tracy Cox), and just scanning articles on the internet really. So far I only want to try a finger and this small silicone plug and I was really up for it until I kept getting all these sites saying how repeated insertion makes you "looser" over time.

The word "incontinence “also popped up a good few times too. I like to do thorough research before I decide to do something and frankly, this freaked me out. I thought a finger or the Tracy Cox beginner plug wouldn't affect my bum at all but now I'm scared it might. This side effect isn’t brought up much on sex sites (like this one for example) but comes up on medical sites, so I don’t know which source I should believe. I don’t want to like this, do it regularly and then find out my bum isn’t as tight anymore, I guess this is the only thing making me hesitant right now. Am I right to be worried?

2

First of all, relax, dear! : ) Your anus is a muscle like any other you just haven't learned to control it yet. I will clear up however that regular anal instertions on their own will not loosen you up and a finger or two or a small plug will certainly not, yes you will become acustomed to the size of whatever object you're using but if you leave it at that you will have nothing to worry yourself over but it's addictive stuff and great fun so you may very well challenge yourself with increasing sizies of toys, just remember those pelvic floor exersizes.

I personally love feeling slightly stretched and over 7-8 years of anal play with larger and larger toys i've never experienced any incontinence, infact the tightness of my bottom has been commented on by previous partners so aslong as you keep doing your keagles you'll have nothing to worry about. ; )

I recommend practising on your own at first, it can be hard to relax and get in the mood if there is the preassure of a partner there. Also, always douche, not only will it clean you and avoid any "messy" situations but the warm water can feel quite pleasurable and can help stimulate a feeling of relaxation in the area.

Once you're comfortable douching you can try inserting a finger or two and getting used to the feeling of being penatrated there. Lube is an absolute must, especially if you find yourself working up to larger toys, speaking of which, when buying toys for your ass definately buy something made of a soft material, so you have that little bit of extra give in it's girth which can make all the difference when you're starting out and NEVER use household objects, they can have sharp edges and are not designed for anal use also, don't take something that has been in your ass and insert it in your pussy, the anus contains bacteria that are not good for the vagina!

If you feel any discomfort, stop, you should always be in control of anything going in you ass (why i'm glad I started by myself without anyone to push me) and if it hurts, stop, take a breather and go back to using something smaller when you feel comfortable again. Bearing down while attempting insertion can help but do not strain yourself or force it!

I hope this helps, anal play can be intense beyond words, extremely pleasurable and the sheer tabboo factor can be an unexpected turn-on but don't be dissheartened if you run in the odd snag just stop, take it down a notch and return to it when you feel ready and be sure that you're always comfortable and in charge of pushing your boundries should you feel the desire. Oh, and remember, lube lube lube and take it slow.

3

Morning,

I have had anal sex with toys and penis but I am no expert so I will try and answer from my experience only!

You always do things so they are comfortable. IF a small but plug gives you your desired effect then dont go any bigger... only do what feels right for you. It doesnt hurt if you are relaxed & are lubed up. You have two muscles in your bum - one you control and one you dont. The muscle you don't control (internal sphincter) has a memory. If it is hurt & therefore tightens the first time - then it'll take a lot of gentle play to get it relaxed again and anal to feel comfortable. So the first time you do it, is SO important!

That aside... I find with a but plug that I am not "looser" as such, but I can feel a difference if I use the toilet within a couple of hours of using it. BUT it always goes back to normal!! You can tighten, tone and train your external sphincter (the one you control) to keep it in good form and to keep your muscles tight. Even with anal with a penis I wasn't loose but it became more comfortable the more I did it and never found any anal leakage or anything!

Medical terms NEVER recommend anal play and will always scare you out of it as the passage is so delicate. If it feels right for you, go for it but start small and only work your way up if you feel the need for bigger toys.

Good Luck

x

4

I like the occassional finger and small butt-plugs and I've never had any problems. I should imagine if you start going for 16 inch monsters this might become a problem but this sounds like the other end of the spectrum. Bet your OH will be very grateful, too!

5

OneButtonSuit wrote:

I like the occassional finger and small butt-plugs and I've never had any problems. I should imagine if you start going for 16 inch monsters this might become a problem but this sounds like the other end of the spectrum. Bet your OH will be very grateful, too!

Dont make it about your OH to start off with! Make it about you and how you feel... I went straight in at the deep end with no small anal play and a big willy and it didnt harm me but if you feel like the sensation you get from anal is all about your pleasure (and not someone elses) - then you start having anal with a guy (or girl!) it'll still have that connection for you!

x

6

I hope Jo has managed to set your mind at ease! The TC range is good and I think the smaller butt plug comes with anal lube which is handy! Anal beads are also small and are very pleasurable. I started with beads rather than a plug. Don't forget the TC 3 for £30 offer. Good luck, relax and enjoy xxx

7

I think Jos has nailed it. Good advice. Have fun with it. I'm sure you will.

8

Thanks jo and everyone else. I'm just a worry wart about all sorts of things , I know once me and the OH give it a go I'll be wondering what on earth I was worried about ^_^. But it doesn't hurt to make sure. I think the "medical" advice on the internet should explain that any bad side effect is due to rough or careless anal sex (force, not relaxed etc) not the careful and planned kind.

There seems to be some bias there because they don't make a distinction and instead make out that all kinds of anal play will automatically mean you'll be wearing adult nappies in future because of it. It made no sense since as you said, the anus is a muscle, the relaxed state shouldn't be any different but obviously its capacity to accommodate an object will change and I think that's what people mean when they say "loose" . The way its phrased however encourages the myth that anal play/sex= lost tightness which (if you ask people , like here for example) is not true. Its easy to see how people can be scared off trying it if "doctors" say awful things like this for example, from netdoctor;

"Regular anal intercourse does make the opening of the bottom a bit more slack. This change is clearly visible in anyone (male or female) who has often been on the receiving end of rectal penetration. That could make a person slightly incontinent of faeces – especially on days when the bowel motions were loose"

"It seems to me that the real question is whether your partner actually wants anal intercourse. It sounds to me as if she's not keen - and if that is the case, I think you should give up on your plan to persuade her. It's true that some women come to like it, but vast numbers simply find it brutish and painful. Perhaps you should get your partner to push a large, hard vibrator up your bottom, just to see whether you find this great fun – or not! "

See what I mean?

9

MissManners wrote:

"Regular anal intercourse does make the opening of the bottom a bit more slack. This change is clearly visible in anyone (male or female) who has often been on the receiving end of rectal penetration. That could make a person slightly incontinent of faeces – especially on days when the bowel motions were loose"

"It seems to me that the real question is whether your partner actually wants anal intercourse. It sounds to me as if she's not keen - and if that is the case, I think you should give up on your plan to persuade her. It's true that some women come to like it, but vast numbers simply find it brutish and painful. Perhaps you should get your partner to push a large, hard vibrator up your bottom, just to see whether you find this great fun – or not! "

See what I mean?

That really shocked me! "Brutish and painful"...Who on earth was s/he talking to? A very bias survey im guessing?

10

Inara14 wrote:

MissManners wrote:

"Regular anal intercourse does make the opening of the bottom a bit more slack. This change is clearly visible in anyone (male or female) who has often been on the receiving end of rectal penetration. That could make a person slightly incontinent of faeces – especially on days when the bowel motions were loose"

"It seems to me that the real question is whether your partner actually wants anal intercourse. It sounds to me as if she's not keen - and if that is the case, I think you should give up on your plan to persuade her. It's true that some women come to like it, but vast numbers simply find it brutish and painful. Perhaps you should get your partner to push a large, hard vibrator up your bottom, just to see whether you find this great fun – or not! "

See what I mean?

That really shocked me! "Brutish and painful"...Who on earth was s/he talking to? A very bias survey im guessing?

I agree, Completely ;)

11

I can understand most of the medical profession not wishing to encourage the practice of anal sex given that not everyone is going to research it, get proper lube, small toys and communicate well with a partner. Anal injuries can be very, very nasty. The interwebs 'doctors' are probably right to discourage the practice in as much as those that have genuine concerns and are less likely to injure themselves or do something stupid would go see GUM etc or read more expansively than one person's statement on a site from someone who's qualifications you can't verify. Brutish and painful however ought never to be the case if it's done properly, safely and consually. Added to which this person seems to have forgotten that men have prostates

12

I agree with a lot of comments posted (I would be surprised if didn't as this lot are a knowledgeable bunch ;) ). Start small, use plenty of lube, make sure you are relaxed and comfortable and make sure any toys are well cleaned (or for larger toys you could use condoms). I would think that using very large toys over a long period may increase the risk of loose anal muscles (some porn stars suffer from it but they do take a lot of pounding!). I've struggled with using a douche but I've probably done it wrong - there was too much air in there.

It is an amazing sensation and I've moved from small Plugs to more medium toys. May get something a little bigger but I have chronic pelvic pain so I have to be careful. I'd recommend experimenting by yourself and see if it's for you.

13

violeteyes wrote:

i was extremely worried when i first tried anal play. piece of cake. it is wierd feeling though and i am worried about stretching, didnt realise that could happen External Media

It wont-as people have said before-if youre careful enough

14

Damn - i posted that without meaning to

It wont-as people have said before-if youre careful enough. I know a lot of people do it for years and years, and if they dont keep using things that are too large, they tend to be okay.

15

If you think about it, in a rather disguting way you basically stretch your anus every day anyway when you go to the bathroom, it's not as if your bum isn't used to it.

16

Not quite the way I wanted to think about it Pixieking - but very right at least....

17

Haha, sorry. It's just i've read fair few articles talking about this subject and I sometimes wonder why they spent so much time writing and so little time thinking about what bums actually do.

18

Jos advice is ideal... I started on my own , then learned all sorts from playing around with a guy who was into it in a huge way.... that was about 6 years ago and I have never looked back!

OH has now been trained in treating my bottom nicely and once he got over the initial "woo hoo" he does a great job ;)

slowly slowly when you are comfy is the huge factor to remember in all of it

19

...Very good Advice, check out my pic on my Screen name, endorsed by the NHS...LMAO!!!!

20

Thats a fantastic pic cheeky! Well done indeed!

No need to rush is the main thing - as so many people have said above take it slow and easy with plenty of lube.