Thanks rose hip, I'm hoping that's the case! I've wondered the same thing myself, because I sometimes felt that I was making suggestions that were being ignored and I found myself not really getting any enjoyment from sex and then just losing interest. I've always struggled to orgasm without a toy, even my own fingers don't really get me that far, and I think at first he liked me using toys but after a while became frustrated that I couldn't seem to get there with just him. But he seemed to not understand that penetration alone does very little for me, feels nice but never ever going to make me orgasm. He once or twice commented that he hadn't had any problems satisfying his previous partners, basically implying that there was something wrong with me because what he was doing had apparently worked fine in the past, and not really taking into consideration that not all women are the same so what worked for them just didn't do it for me!
The guy sounds like a complete douche, to be honest. If there are problems in a relationship you should communicate them properly and take on board what your partner says. That goes for both of you.
I do think you should have tried to initiate sex more -- it's difficult sometimes but if you stuck with it it would have become easier. I know it sucks to do that when you don't actually want sex but there are things you can do to try and get yourself in the mood. Maybe you should try and figure out what they are. I had the opposite issue here in that I often used to struggle with initiating sex because I was afraid of rejection but now I know it's not about that. It took a long time and it is not an easy process but it is manageable from either perspective. You'd just have to want to try.
Porn is acceptable when your libidos don't match and it's good to see you acknowledge that. However, camgirls when he knew it would hurt you... saved on YOUR laptop? Not okay. While I think it might make you feel a bit better to confront him about it, the time has kind of passed. It's great that his harddrive broke down though. (I'm a bit spiteful about this sort of thing!)
Don't worry about not being able to orgasm without a vibrator - I have the same problem most of the time. A good partner will listen to you and try to explore the options with you if you want to. It's a shame this guy didn't listen but some people just don't think about anyone but themselves.
The next few days will hopefully go by in a flash and then he'll be gone. Just hang on if you can!
Imogen wrote:
Thanks rose hip, I'm hoping that's the case! I've wondered the same thing myself, because I sometimes felt that I was making suggestions that were being ignored and I found myself not really getting any enjoyment from sex and then just losing interest. I've always struggled to orgasm without a toy, even my own fingers don't really get me that far, and I think at first he liked me using toys but after a while became frustrated that I couldn't seem to get there with just him. But he seemed to not understand that penetration alone does very little for me, feels nice but never ever going to make me orgasm. He once or twice commented that he hadn't had any problems satisfying his previous partners, basically implying that there was something wrong with me because what he was doing had apparently worked fine in the past, and not really taking into consideration that not all women are the same so what worked for them just didn't do it for me!
Imogen. There is nothing wrong with you. I would also lose interest in that situation and I am also a woman who cannot orgasm from penetration alone. I have been in your shoes here, with a guy telling me that vibrators were "cheating" and getting annoyed that I struggled to cum from his touch (I could, but not as often) I felt like I had to "prove" that I found him "good enough" by not using vibrators or toys but in the end I started to lose interest, not even getting that horny during sex because I knew that my orgasm would come when he fell asleep and I could get the vibe out lol. Low blow that he said that his exes had no problem...yeh because we are all exactly alike...dont cha know! He sounds like a selfish lover and I second what SubRei said, in that I believe your libido will shoot back with the right partner. Anyway, rest assured there is nothing wrong with you and I hope these 5 days pass quickly for you and you can relax and not feel angry and like you have to hide in your room. xx
Hi There.I have ben married for the last fifteen years and at the start my wife also felt a little self concious and less confident. We worked on it , mostly me because I felt it was up to me to make her more confident by easing her inhabitions. I believe you are better off without him because if he truly loved you he would have done anything to please you and help you . As for confronting him , I dont see the point if you have no interest in getting back with him as this will only cause more hurt for you and it will take you longer to get over the whole situation.
I hope this will help and remember there is nothing wrong with you. You will no doubt find someone in the future who will be prepared to listen and love you for who you are and if you think you need to change anything they will be there for you.