I apologise in advance for the length of this post but I really need some advice/other points of view/help on that matter and at the moment, there is absolutely nobody I can talk to about this.
I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years, we've had ups and downs like any other couples, but I think there is a big problem between us.
Since the very beginning of our relationship, he has always had a higher sex drive than I have, which can happen to any couple as many topics about the same problem often pop on this forum... I have never had any problems with the fact that he sometimes watches porn and I've always tried to make efforts for him not to feel left out when he was in the mood and I wasn't but he's always been rather selfish and would most of the time just sulk until he gets what he wants. I was his first ever relationship and we were each other's first sexual experience. I've never been very confident in bed although I've improved with years. I'm always ready to try new things and I try to remain as open minded as possible.
Our relationship became a LDR when he moved for a new job about a year later so we would very often do webcam chats and I would sometimes do sexy things for him on the webcam, although I have always been very shy and not confident with my body, I would do it for him because I love him and I knew it would make him feel better while we were far away from each other. But just as for sex, sometimes I wasn't in the mood and would make the effort and I remember that he would also sulk if I said no. Whenever I visited him he would always let me use his computer while he was at work and I ended up finding out that he was secretly recording everything I was doing on the webcam to watch again later. He had dozens of videos of me doing stuff but he would still get mad at me if I refused to do a "sexy show" for him. I was very upset when I discovered that and we broke up for a week. He realised that he really hurt me doing this and he spent the whole week apologising. It was very hard but I ended up forgiving him because I love him and I moved on and tried to forget about all that. The only difference being that I would then refuse to do anything on the webcam and he totally understood my reasons. Plus we were due to move in together six months later so I thought it wouldn't be a problem anymore as we would be together all the time and he wouldn't need webcam shows anymore.
Fast forward three years later, something happened that I have mentioned on the forum before. He went to a party I couldn't attend because I was working, he got drunk and ended up in bed with a friend of mine and they did some things although they didn't have full sex., he keeps saying that he didn't cheat but yes he did, because he didn't use his cock doesn't mean it's not cheating! He came back home the day after and told me straight away because he felt guilty (and I think, also because he preferred that I didn't hear about it from someone else). I kind of knew it would happen at some point because I was his first ever and he might be tempted to see how it feels with someone else and it could have happened to me as well, so I didn't get too upset about it and I forgave him again.
Fast forward again, two years later, I found out that this friend and him have exchanged some sexy pictures and have had sexy conversations together. Big fight, break up again for three weeks. I even message the so-called friend to let her know how disappointed I am in her behaviour and I don't want to see her or speak to her anymore. She apologises and says she didn't know that I didn't know because even her boyfriend was aware of what was going on and "it was just all fun and nothing serious". I never spoke to her again since then, this was about two years ago.
I know sexting is a thing and many people do it all the time, but I don't find it appealing, it just does nothing for me. As I said before, I'm not body confident, although he literally worships my body and I regularly receive compliments from others, not everyone is confident enough to do that and because others do it doesn't mean I have to. When we have to spend a few days apart, which doesn't happen very often but still does, he often asks if I will send him pictures during this time and I always say I will if I'm in the mood. This summer he spent a week at his parents' while I was working and I did send him a picture. He was so happy and excited he got flowers delivered for me at our flat two days later. He never buys me flowers, it has only happend twice before that and I couldn't believe it.
Last part of the story: I have recently found out that he went to the point of opening a secret Twitter account where he makes "cum tributes" with pictures of others girls... they send him nudes, he prints them and cums on them, then he takes a picture and sends it to the girl. He even makes videos where you can see him wanking and cumming on the pictures and sometimes even whispering the name of the girl... (he doesn't show his face though, just his cock). I recognised his tattoos and our bedsheets, because yes, he sometimes does that in our very own bed...
My point is, after the incident with my friend, he promised me he wouldn't do any such thing in the future and he said that he was probably sick and should get some help. I actually believe that this permanent need for images might be a form of sickness or addiction (I noticed that he sometimes even sends tweets while I'm home in another room and there's also the fact that he does it in our bed... what a lack of respect!) and I wonder how I can help him. Or is it just that we are not compatible on the sexual level? I feel I have made a lot of efforts and it's never enough. Whatever happens I'm going to end this relationship as he proved me quite a few times that I cannot trust him despite the love he has for me. We really do love each other and to many of our friends, we are the "dream couple", but I don't think I can carry on like this.
Oh and thank you for reading until the end! :)