Hello Ladies, I'm looking for some advice.
I'm a very sexually orientated person and sex (As with many of you on here), is my way of letting go and destressing. Both with my partner and by myself.
unfortunatly just under 3 months ago I had a miscarrage at 14 weeks. I was obviously very upset and in a lot of pain both emotionally and physically as we had been trying for over a year non stop!
I've come to terms with it now and my body has recovered. (periods back to normal and no pain) but now I have another issue.... I can't orgasm!!!
On the rare times that I do, it takes ages, then the orgasm is very short and leaves me thinking "was that it?" My orgasms are usually very strong and lasting, to the point where I can't stand or walk for a while. And now nothing.....
Has anyone who has had a miscarrage had this? And will they return?? I've tried everything. :(
Comments welcome from anyone who has advice, male or female.
I have not yet had any pregnancies, so no miscarriages either, but I am in the same boat… I had satisfying orgasms quite easily with every penetration up until maybe a year ago. Now I’m in the same situation you described: either they don’t really happen, or they are not strong or long enough and in the end leave me asking: so was there or wasn’t there one in that fraction of a second? In my case I think it is stress related, as I’m living in a particularly difficult period now and I have several stress related physical/medical issues. I just can’t let go. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or a consequence, but recently venturing on the fast track into BDSM (with me being the submissive hence having the “job requirement” of letting him take control) has helped me a lot.
I've had a miscarrage many moons ago but I wasn't even orgasming back then much at all.
I'm sure it's your body still trying to re adjust itself, I think you need to put it out of your mind and just go with the flow when making love. You have been through something awful and really who are we to say when things should go back to the norm?
By thinking and worrying about it, then you're adding to the muscles all being strung up in there! Please relax, I'm sure it'll all come back to normal and if not does it really matter! You're in a loving safe caring relationship with someone who adores you and couldn't care less I expect what's happening in that way, except knowing that you're enjoying being together at that moment! x
I'd like to add, that I'm so very sorry for your loss x
I think your both right with the whole "Stress" thing. When I have sex I'm always thinking about if it's going to happen or not. Which like you said, tenses me up and makes it even more chance of it not happeneing.
As far as BDMS goes, I was very deep into that world at one point but my other half is very narrow minded so to speak. I love him with all my heart and he is my best friend, but he isn't very open at all. Slowly introducing more into the relationship as the years go by and he is learning lol. But because of this I take control a lot of the time, I'm more submissive at heart.
It's just a visious circle.... No orgasm...More stress...Even less orgasm. Which leaves me not even wanting sex or to masturbate.
Hi, I am sorry to hear what you have been through. I think it would be advisable to seek some professional help, counselling may be helpful to overcome the situation. I don't think there can be much relation between a miscarriage and the physical side of orgasming, looks more like a mental block after a traumatic experience. My advice would go more towards the psychological advice, and to relax and try to stop thinking about it. Moving on is the best thing you can do about something like this, and time will put things back in place, for sure
I had a miscarriage in May this year and I found sex and orgasms very difficult afterwards, for months even. Even if I was in the mood sex just reminded me of creating our baby, and I felt guilty about having orgasms because my body had expelled our child and I felt so terrible about it, in my head I didn't deserve pleasure and I felt like I was being disrespectful by masturbating. We didn't have sex for quite a while after the miscarriage, but when we did I struggled to orgasm and I still do (although I'm pregnant again now so we're abstaining).
I think stress is a major factor after a miscarriage, it's such a traumatic event to go through. As far as I know having a miscarriage shouldn't affect your physical ability to orgasm (as long as you allow yourself time to heal), but the psychological impact can hang around for a long time even if you're not always aware of it.
I'm so sorry for your loss :( xxx
Thank you for all your kind words. I hate to sound disrespectful but I'm quite cold emotionally. Always have been. I don't think I have hang ups over it anymore but, from what a few of you have said, maybe I am more upset that I thought and it's on more of a subconscious level. Maybe thats what is effecting me. Just wish there was a quick fix so I can get back to being myself.
Sweetheart, we're all here for you anytime. Jesus you've been through so much! Don't do it again!!!! There aren't any quick fixes, so don't apply that kind of pressure to yourself please. Just go with the flow of life and with your partner. I'm sure it''ll all come good after some quality time! x
Your hormone levels may stil lbe off? I have never had the exact circumstance as you... sorry for your loss. But I do know after having babies it took me forever to get my mojo back and I believe a lot of that was hormonal.
I agree with the stress and overthinking a bit too much right now, maybe a nice get away would help?
Thank you ozz, I hope you're right. And don't worry, I don't plan on doing it again anytime soon anyway lol. I jst don't like the fact my own body isn't under control. But you're right...Less stressing and more just enjoying being together. Never been good at the soppy side of things lol.
CountryBlonde wrote:
Thank you ozz, I hope you're right. And don't worry, I don't plan on doing it again anytime soon anyway lol. I jst don't like the fact my own body isn't under control. But you're right...Less stressing and more just enjoying being together. Never been good at the soppy side of things lol.
That's it! you've got it! we don't want you stressing out over such a small part of a love life. We want you relaxing, enjoying your man and having some giggles along the way. Lord knows you could do with some after all your trauma. Look after you and your body will recover, of that I'm sure huni x
Sopp away, I've got massive shoulders haha
I had a miscarriage in July and one in September, I still haven't got to a point where I can orgasm again since.
I guess it just takes time to get back to normal again but everyone is different also. I still have sex and enjoy it
Sorry to hear about your loss, obviously can't give advice being a guy but just to say I'm thinking of you and sending my thoughts and healing out to my angels and guides for you, oh and baby who didn't touch on the earthplane this time ;( x
Thank you all for your kind words. (And your shoulders ozz) It means a lot. So the plan is...Stop dwelling on it and just enjoy the ride so to speak lol. And thank you for the Angels Arron, fingers crossed for next time. x
CountryBlonde and the other ladies who have gone through miscarriages, I am so sorry for your losses. You ladies are so strong to coke through such a heartbreaking time. My hat goes off to you all 
I have been lucky not to go trough this, so no real advice. Try and focus on having a lovely time with your partner and hopefully your orgasms will return soon. Take care, lovely x
CountryBlonde wrote:
Thank you all for your kind words. (And your shoulders ozz) It means a lot. So the plan is...Stop dwelling on it and just enjoy the ride so to speak lol. And thank you for the Angels Arron, fingers crossed for next time. x
I'm here always huni. ever feel like you need a chat, then please do x
That's it ! you've got it..relax, play and love because life can be a bitch and very cruel at times, I know it well! but you have to in my words....._uck it hard and push forward. You have a partnership full of love for one another, something I don't have myself anymore. So hold onto that and trust me, your body will recover in time. xx
_uck it hard and push forward!
That comment alone put a smile on my face. :)
My new motto for life. xx
First of all I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I have had one miscarriage very early in a pregnancy with no 'sexual' side affects. (Besides not wanting to have sex)
However after the birth of my son it was like I had no clit! And when I did regain some feeling my orgasums took ages and where so weak they were not worth all the effort. Slowly though after a few months percistance and some ben wa balls my orgasums were up at a satisfactory level.
And after that they just kept getting better and better.
The human body is a mystery but I bet they will Come back to you in no time!
Xxx