Been trying to stay friends with my ex. It’s been going ok. We text occasionally and try to stay up to date with each other lives.
My problem is the last two times we have planned to meet up. He always has a last minute reason he can’t make it. This was an issue we had in are relationship and one of the main reason we broke up. As we never had time to spend together.
We had planned to go to a concert this week and had this booked back in November when we were still together. I have checked in a few times over the last couple of months and he has always said yes and seemed excited. Then I asked him two days ago if he was still free and wanted to go. He said yes but now today he has said he doesn’t know if he can make it. He needs to attend a meeting, which he is trying to move but not sure he can.
I don’t know how to respond. Part of me wants to be annoyed and tell him am not surprise he has bailed and this is exactly why we aren’t together. Then part of me wants to just say it doesn’t matter and leave it at that. Am over getting disappointed by him but still can’t imagine my life without him in it somehow. He is not a liar and is such a kind person who would do anything to help you. I think that is part of the problem though. He over extends himself then can’t keep up with all his commitments.
I don’t necessarily want to go to the concert on my own. I don’t drive and getting the last train home at night myself. Isn’t my idea of fun lol. I don’t have anyone else to ask but still want to go and enjoy the concert.
Any advice on how to respond to his message would be a big help. Thanks
Short answer , you don’t, its difficult for ex’s to remain just friends that’s my opinion.
My ex set up an account on a dating site pretending to be someone else to ask questions about my last relationship but I spotted it a mile off.
When people have messed me around and there’s been quite a few saying yes their free then just hours before meeting they back out saying they can’t make it. I don’t think they have the balls to say the truth.
I’ve been let down so so many times that now I just enjoy my own company and just let other people do what they want to do and if someone is interested then they will come to me instead of me chasing them around.
He has commitment issues, that’s why you broke up. Move on, he will never change, he is proving it still. With him out of your life, you can find someone who will make time for you.
I know you are all correct. I just need to stop trying with him. I thought we could do the friend thing as we do still get on really well. When we do see each other. But I have finally got to the stage where it’s not worth the hassle anymore.
Sorry to hear that @David1986H thats a horrible thing for an ex to do to you.
Ask to buy his ticket and go with a friend…
I think its time to move on and head your different ways as he seems to be letting you down the last mi ute all the time
I own both the tickets. I had bought them as part of his birthday present. As I know he likes them and I found the band through him. Will probably just go myself it seems like it will be easier that way.
Y’know… Whenever I book something like a holiday or day out, I make sure to take the time off work and set it on my calendar to ensure I won’t miss it or be disturbed. He may of not thought to do this (even though it makes sense to do so ), or he’s just giving you an excuse. Especially having that much notice. I’ve had people in the past act all excited for an event only to bail out when it got closer to the date when really they had no intention on going in the first place. Like they just said yes to be polite or something. Just say no if that’s the case
@CurvyJilly no not really. Its a smaller band and I don’t know anyone else that likes them. Most my friends have kids so it’s a bit last minute for them. I did ask my sister but again she has young kids to watch.
I told him am just going to go myself as he doesn’t seem to have time. He told me to have an nice night. Am not going to make the effort to talk to him anymore. Am not going to ignore him if he does txt me. I can still be civil but that’s it now.
@Mint-Monster your right I booked the time of work months ago. I thought he would go as he loves music and goes to a couple of gigs a month.
Yes, i know a serial bailer. Plans things then at the last minute she finds an excuse not to attend. The most annoying aspect is begging you to go somewhere with her such as a work event as she won’t go alone, so you agree.
She then bails at the last minute leaving you going somewhere you didn’t intend to or want to. Needless to say, nobody plans anything with her now.
@littlespoons you say he is not a liar, but always has an excuse, and can find time for a couple of gigs a month, but not one with you?
I honestly have to say I’ve said one word to my ex in 32 yr and that word was NO but another ex I get on really well with and when I do see her whether she is with her hubby or I’m with my OH I always give her a kiss and hug
@WillC I think we have all had a flakey friend that we have learned to not make plans with . He is starting a band promoting company. He usually goes to the gigs himself. I know what you mean though. I guess am choosing to believe him. Whether that is naive or not I like to think the best of people regardless.
@GoGirl12 i wouldn’t of booked an event with him as just friends. But we were in a relationship when i did. So thought I would see if he still wanted to go. I’ve learned my lesson not to bother doing that again lol.
@carzy I know every breakup is so different and some people are better as friends and other people can’t stand each other.
@DanceswithPenguins i did say I wasn’t surprised he couldn’t go anymore as that usually always happens. I don’t like to make people feel bad. At the end of the day it’s not going to change the outcome. I wouldn’t want to guilt someone into doing something with me either. I deserve better than that.
Appreciate what you mean, I just look at it from the perspective this is not the first time he has let you down if it were then yes that would be a bit mean.
@littlespoons read this reply by @elcoh several times until it rings true ! you are worth so much more than being messed around bin him and move on pronto !
@Latex73 thank you I have. I know it’s true. It’s one of those things you really have to stay strong with and put it in the past. Thank you again @elcoh i will need to remind myself of this daily.
Some good news though I found a friend to go with me . I just decided to message a few friends regardless if I thought they would like or know the band. A friend who used to work at the same place as me was free. I haven’t seen her in awhile either now we have different schedules. It definitely makes me appreciate her more as she was up for it even though she has to work in the morning . Thank you all for your helpful advice!
Hey @littlespoons! Break ups are really tough and sometimes we try and delay the inevitable by holding onto whatever we can and this is the vibe I get from your post (and the one before about going to the wedding from what I can remember). It’s a lot easier saying “we’ll still be friends” than “its unlikely we’ll ever talk again”, especially when there are still feelings there. Being friends with an ex is absolutely achievable but in my opinion not if the feelings are on different levels. You have certain expectations of him that you probably wouldn’t of a friend, and you’re still making comparisons to your relationship which is most likely always going to end in disappointment from your side, and you deserve better than that. Even if they’re positive comparisons you’ll still have the “what if” moment and think things may be different etc. Your comment about not being able to imagine him not being in your life says a lot to me, and from an outside perspective I think it is about trying to hold onto whatever you can even if you know it’s not what you’re worthy of or really want. We’ve all done it so absolutely no harsh intentions, it’s things we learn from and work through in our own time, sometimes we just need a nudge to recognise it.
I’m very pleased you’ve found someone to go to the gig with and hope you have an amazing time! For the future, I would encourage you to not miss out on any opportunities or things you want to do just because you’re single. Some of my best holidays/trips/experiences have been the ones I’ve gone to solo! Enjoy doing the things you love and don’t compromise your wants or needs for others (especially those who wouldn’t for you!)
Thanks @SexInTheCity i told myself this year I wanted to experience more things. Since the last two years I have basically just worked with the odd outing here and there. I made a list of all the events happening this year that I wanted to go to. Along with some other things I’ve wanted to do for a while. Like get a tattoo and learn to drive.
I already got the tattoo and now want 3 more . If only they weren’t so expensive. Am also half way to getting my license.
This last interaction with him has definitely made me see him in a different light. Which is good as now I just can’t bothered with his shit . It’s worked out for the best anyway as now my friend and I have booked to go to another gig in June. Someone she wanted to see but didn’t have anyone to go with until now
), or he’s just giving you an excuse. Especially having that much notice. I’ve had people in the past act all excited for an event only to bail out when it got closer to the date when really they had no intention on going in the first place. Like they just said yes to be polite or something. Just say no if that’s the case 
. He is starting a band promoting company. He usually goes to the gigs himself. I know what you mean though. I guess am choosing to believe him. Whether that is naive or not I like to think the best of people regardless.
. I just decided to message a few friends regardless if I thought they would like or know the band. A friend who used to work at the same place as me was free. I haven’t seen her in awhile either now we have different schedules. It definitely makes me appreciate her more as she was up for it even though she has to work in the morning 
. Thank you all for your helpful advice!
