Hey, so ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now and still no success on my part, but no one else has managed to succeed either so i no its not him being really bad (hes the best partner ive had =p ) it's me being impossible..... we've tried all kinds of positions, and we also have a bullet, i can feel it building up inside but i never make it over the edge, sometime it just stops, all advice and tips wanted
Emma
Relax. If you can, stop thinking about whether you will reach orgasm. Plat with your bullet and enjoy the feelings as they build. Keep going as t builds higher. It might be easier to play with it in your own. For some people it takes a very long time if stimulation to get there.
Relaxing is definitely the key. Lots of women (me included!) need some extra external stimlation to reach orgasm during sex, and it's great that you've incorporated a bullet into your sex life already. It might be that you need a stronger vibration than the ones your current bullet is giving you.
Perhaps try a bullet vibrator which is designed to be really strong, or even give the Magic Wand a go (the strongest vibrations I've felt to date!). It's bulky but it works, and I've used it during sex before with amazing results for both myself and my partner.
The most important thing is that you don't put any pressure on yourself, and just take loads of time over enjoying each other, so set aside a whole night and experiment with what works for you. Can you reach orgasm when you're on your own? If so, try showing him what you do to yourself and not only will he enjoy the view, it will give you both an insight to what does it for you.
Good luck!
Ive not succeded on my own either, the wand does look good though, and i may be thinking about it to much and not relaxing enough, and it does frustrated me sometimes to think I've spent to long thinking about how much i can't
Feel for you sweetheart, I was 18 before I had my first O and spent a few years beforehand frustrated trying to get there with bfriends, the best advice I can give is to try to do it on your own as the pressure is far greater with a partner looking on increasing the nerves to add into the mix. Once your there you can bring him in. Try and using a really powerful clitoral vibe like a mains powered massager wand; you'll need a decent amount of time to yourself as these things create noise and you can relax with the thought of people overhearing and wandering in. I would set 3 hours aside just you, your wand and either whatever fantasies turn you on most or if you like porn try some of what you like best and settle down in front of the tv with your legs open and spend as much time as you need. Difficult if you dont have your own place to get the me time needed to overcome something like this. happy to help or chat if it might help, big hugs :) xx
Wands are heavy duty power-wise. They're too much for some of us and perfect for others. If you get a wand and it doesn't work for you, don't worry. Just know that more power wasn't the answer for you and try another approach.
Have you tried something like imagining what you'd think it might feel like to go over that edge, perhaps with some moans or whatever sounds come naturally to you? "Faking it" might help you become accustomed to it and get you coming before you realize it.
Or really melt into the sensations and enjoy them for what they are. Maybe add in a few 'this is so good' kind of comments too, out loud or in your mind to help focus on them. Take the pressure off of yourself at least some of the time.
Good luck and don't worry, you'll get there. Your body is meant to orgasm, it will figure things out.
Hello
relaxation and some time alone is the key I think. I reached my first ever orgasm after over an hour of trying. I am not sure I could do that with a man. And this does not mean the man is to blame, some women do need long time to orgasm, in the beginnings especially, and learning to do it by yourself is really the best option available, I personally think.
I would suggest get some time for yourself, try to relax, maybe read some erotic stories, so you are in mood and start to play with yourself. and enjoy. My first orgasm came completely unexpected. And it was not that strong. Actually thought something: and this is it? and felt bit disappointed I admit.
Having said that, I can orgasm pretty easy nowadays, but it came with practice, experiments and learning about my body. I think it generally becomes more easy after you have your first one and gets better over time