I've put this post in the Sex Tips thread as not sure where else to put it. OK, so I'm a very happliy married guy, I'm 39, but my wife is considerably older than me. It's never been an issue between us, although we did get some pretty extreme reactions from some other people when we got together, 15 years ago - but that's their problem not ours.
When we first got together, as you'd expect we were both horny a lot of the time, me because I was a horny young bloke, and the OH because she rather liked sex with a horny young bloke! However now things are a little less exciting between us, than I think both of us would like, so I'm kind of looking for thoughts from anyone in a similar 'age-difference' relationship...?
At the moment I seem to be a lot hornier than my OH, and she says it's fine but I'm beginning to feel like a sex maniac, against her less demanding urges (which I totally understand, btw). Any thoughts would be good, I'm not looking for psychoanalysis here though!
if youre 39 and shes older is it menopausal?
No, that's definitely not an issue, it's er, not a possibility if you get my drift
I take it shes been through it then?
All we know about her is that she's considerably older than 39, is presently less interested in sex than she used to be, and can't possibly be in menopause. That's not much to go on.
All we know about your relationship is that you're otherwise happy in it, it's been going on for 15 years and that you've defined it in terms of the age difference. Not a whole lot to go on there either.
So, as a random internet stranger, all I can really think to suggest as possibilities is that you're late for the married = less sex thing ;-) or your wife is slowing down in general because of age. Or possibly some sort of life/work stress, that comes up in nearly all of the less interest in sex threads we see in the forums.
Any of those sound like they might fit your situation?
To fill in some gaps: my OH is 30 years older than me, and I realise thats the reason she's less interested in sex than I am. However I was looking to see if anyone else was in a similar situation to me.
She's had an op, so no menopause. No work/life stresses.
Lots of people her age still have healthy sex life's. My inlaws are her age and tell us about what they get up too.
Women of her age tend to dry up down below due to changes in hormones. So lubricant would be very important.
Yes, that's all sorted ;-P
While you may not be aware of any life and work stresses, someone who seems to have little of those in their life, may be stress about other things.
In regards to the age gap and lack of sex, peoples bodies are always changing, and a dry spot can happen to anyone regardless of age.
How long has the break in sex been? Maybe try and focus on other things you do as a couple for awhile, and hopefully, you'll find your sex life rekindle.
I would also recommend reading Joan Prices book Naked at our age.
None of these post are really what I was after, and the last poster perhaps did not read my intiial post fully. We are having sex. My sexdrive is much higher. I'm not sure my reading a book aimed at 'seniors' will help matters much.
Well trying not to be rude.... You have been very vague in all your posts. What exactly is it that you want to know??? It took several posts to even work out what you meant by an age difference.
People can only give advise if they fully understand the situation or predicament you are in.
If you are getting sex but it's not enough to satisfy your urges I suggest you buy yourself a few male sex toys and sort yourself out.
As for nymphos recommendation on the book, maybe she meant that reading it may help you to understand the changes in the body and mind of an older person and what might help to increase her sex drive.
I can't answer, because I am just not sure what information you require. You have said no Psychoanalysis, and explained that "none of these posts are really what I am looking for" so I am guessing you are not looking for reasons or explanations as to why things might have slowed down, or even how to increase her drive, because you also state you are "totally okay" with her lower sex drive.
So I am not quite sure what thoughts or advice you need here? If you can be more specific, we can help more.
I apologise if I'm not making myself clear. I'd hoped for maybe some advice from someone who is in similar situation as myself - i.e. happily married, but to a much older partner with diminishing sexdrive (due to age). At the moment I feel I am constantly horny, and I feel that I am pestering my lovely OH with my needs. I'm not sure I can be any clearer.
From using the forums frequently I know some of us have partners maybe 15 years older but I can't say I have come across anyone with as large an age ago as yourself. So I'm not sure you will find someone in an identical situation. However lots of people on here have openly admitted to being in relationships where their partners libdo is complete opposite of theirs.
So you maybe will get some advise from these forum members. Most for them seem to gain satisfaction from Solo play with toys
Thank you BV13
I realise 30 years is quite astonishing to some people...
Advice from others on what though? How to increase her drive? (Seems this one is not the right one) How to lower your sex drive so you are not horny all the time? How to learn to cope with less sex from now on? What ways can you relieve yourself? eg what are the best toys?
It seems to me that the age difference thing is irrelevent, in the sense that, what is really going in here is the age old problem that is really common among couples...mismatched sex drives.
I don't quite understand the problem though because you say you are happy and that she is happy, but she wants less sex than you...so why can't you masturbate the other times when she doesn't?, or buy some new toys for a different experience and sensation? There is not much else you can do really. There is no magic answer to the mismatched sex drives issue, (if someone discovers that answer, they will be rich lol) its just a case of having a compromise (Which it seems you already have) and taking care of your own extra needs alone. Its either masturbate or agreeing to have an open relationship, cheating or splitting up and finding someone with the same level of drive as you. These are the only options (Wrong word..erm...answers?) to the mismatched sex drives issue.
Hope that helps
My partner is almost 16 years older than me but I don't see the age different at all.
You can't help who you fall in love with.
I know my hubby was very concerned when we first met about how I would feel in the future if he ended up retired and needing help with day to day life while I was still young and able bodied. But I told Him they won't bother me at all because I would just be happy to be with him.
What you have said BV13 is exactly how I feel about my OH (and she has had similar concerns to your OH) . In every other aspect of our lives age is irrelevant. Fluffbags, I think you've got some valid points. Wish the RM would hurry up with my parcel from LoveHoney!
blonde vixen13 wrote:
My partner is almost 16 years older than me but I don't see the age different at all.
You can't help who you fall in love with.
I know my hubby was very concerned when we first met about how I would feel in the future if he ended up retired and needing help with day to day life while I was still young and able bodied. But I told Him they won't bother me at all because I would just be happy to be with him.
May I just point out, while those who are older in age may be expected to need more help when they are older, sometimes the younger partner needs help too at some point due to illness. Age isn't a garentee that you will be able bodied.
I've personally experienced this a lot with my partners, who many have been older, I've been the one struck down with a long term illness where I have required them to look after me. Although to be fair the oldest I have dated is only 12 years older than I.
However I have slept with men above 60+ and a woman in her 50s. However I doubt my experience will help here, as they were all keen on sex even if they had bodily issues. Plus I wasn't dating any of them.
Good luck and hope you find the help you require.