I once saw a quotation somewhere...when in pain, don't be a pain...It's easier said than done when you're in agony or feeling really crappy healthwise, but it does make sense. If we are irritable with those around us, then it doesn't do anyone any favours.
if a relationship isn't for you then maybe it's learning to accept that, which perhaps you've already done. What about pets? Animals are great therapy...
another year may have passed but it can either be another year closer to the grave, or another year of good memories to take with you... Know which way I'd rather think about it 
I have 2 cats and they do help.
I need motivation to make new memories, I think I shall jot a few things down that should be easy for me to accomplish.
Past relationships have put me off for life for various reasons, I couldn't cope with the hurt, I'm still punishing myself now.
Then the whole getting to know someone who understands all my health problems. I'm so annoyed and grumpy about the fact I'm so ill, I know i'd take it out on that person.
I have been seeing a guy 8 years, we had a close relationship, although kept at arms length, never spent a night together (I don't share my bed for anyone any more! heehee). He watched me go from a gorgeous, slim, confident and sexy lady, to a disabled, fat frump. He does anything and everything for me, but we've not had a sexual relationship for 12 months or more. I'm just not so nice to him any more, I guess it's because I see him all the time, that I take my frustrations out on him.
@Ladybette, I struggle with counselling due to brain fog, I find it really hard to talk, get muddled and confused, then it's hard to process stuff in my cotton wool brain! Not tried meetup, I'm on a swinging site, but that's all on hold at the moment. I do have some awesome nights out in swinging clubs, which brings me to @Luv bunny.
My self esteem isn't too bad. Hell, I'm a biiiiig girl, but when I'm strutting my stuff in lingerie in swinging clubs, I get all kinds of ladies that envy my confidence and it's nice when they tell me so.
I don't go to the clubs looking for sex, I go to let my hair down, have a giggle and banter at the bar, or chill naked in a jacuzzi. If sex happens, it's a bonus, but not the be all and end all.
I'm such a complex creature!
I suffered with depression for years...and felt like I was not worth having a relationship... That no one would want to be with me...let alone have sex..or s future...I made a concerted effort to improve my physical health..my mental health improved as a result.. I pushed myself to break the mould on my life and do new things( have a 40+ crack at that " bucket list" while I have age / health on my side)
I pushed myself to get more out of life...and give myself the right to enjoy myself and put myself first..and not my kids.
Now...I have an awesome partner who loves every inch of me( even those lumps and bumps that are still being worked on!) ...I have had more sex in 5 months than I had in 20 years marriage!
My fitness has allowed me to enjoy the world more..and to feel sexier..and happier with my body.
I have more still to do ..but I can see it heading in the right direction..and I have someone who loves me now..but will still support me in getting to my targets too...
There is a soulmate out there for everyone...you just need to have confidence in yourself that you are worth something.. And happiness.. And get out where they are...
Its a bit like the lotto...you have to speculate to accumulate... If you stay at home..you dont meet ppl...
So have courage.. Utilise that bubbly side of you..and flaunt your best to others.and maybe fire up something g with your close friend...they have seen you through all you have gone through...and know you better than most..
They also know you at your best..and know you are still in there..
Have faith and nurture that fun thing inside..and give yourself the right to enjoy yourself again..you deserve it!!
😘😘😘😘😘
Sorry to hear you feel this way Purring-pussy (love your new avatar btw) it's my birthday this month also but I'm probably a lot older than you! From reading your posts and reviews you sound to me like a lovely lady ;)
I suggest treating yourself to something off Lovehoney with your discount, to cheer yourself up :) I know I certainly will.
You never know what the further might hold for you, that's what makes life exciting! I know it's hard if your feeling down, but try to celebrate your birthday and have fun. :) xx
Past relationships have put me off for life for various reasons, I couldn't cope with the hurt, I'm still punishing myself now.
Then the whole getting to know someone who understands all my health problems. I'm so annoyed and grumpy about the fact I'm so ill, I know i'd take it out on that person.
I have been seeing a guy 8 years, we had a close relationship, although kept at arms length, never spent a night together (I don't share my bed for anyone any more! heehee). He watched me go from a gorgeous, slim, confident and sexy lady, to a disabled, fat frump. He does anything and everything for me, but we've not had a sexual relationship for 12 months or more. I'm just not so nice to him any more, I guess it's because I see him all the time, that I take my frustrations out on him.
@Ladybette, I struggle with counselling due to brain fog, I find it really hard to talk, get muddled and confused, then it's hard to process stuff in my cotton wool brain! Not tried meetup, I'm on a swinging site, but that's all on hold at the moment. I do have some awesome nights out in swinging clubs, which brings me to @Luv bunny.
My self esteem isn't too bad. Hell, I'm a biiiiig girl, but when I'm strutting my stuff in lingerie in swinging clubs, I get all kinds of ladies that envy my confidence and it's nice when they tell me so.
I don't go to the clubs looking for sex, I go to let my hair down, have a giggle and banter at the bar, or chill naked in a jacuzzi. If sex happens, it's a bonus, but not the be all and end all.
I'm such a complex creature!
I suffered with depression for years...and felt like I was not worth having a relationship... That no one would want to be with me...let alone have sex..or s future...I made a concerted effort to improve my physical health..my mental health improved as a result.. I pushed myself to break the mould on my life and do new things( have a 40+ crack at that " bucket list" while I have age / health on my side) I pushed myself to get more out of life...and give myself the right to enjoy myself and put myself first..and not my kids. Now...I have an awesome partner who loves every inch of me( even those lumps and bumps that are still being worked on!) ...I have had more sex in 5 months than I had in 20 years marriage! My fitness has allowed me to enjoy the world more..and to feel sexier..and happier with my body. I have more still to do ..but I can see it heading in the right direction..and I have someone who loves me now..but will still support me in getting to my targets too... There is a soulmate out there for everyone...you just need to have confidence in yourself that you are worth something.. And happiness.. And get out where they are... Its a bit like the lotto...you have to speculate to accumulate... If you stay at home..you dont meet ppl... So have courage.. Utilise that bubbly side of you..and flaunt your best to others.and maybe fire up something g with your close friend...they have seen you through all you have gone through...and know you better than most.. They also know you at your best..and know you are still in there.. Have faith and nurture that fun thing inside..and give yourself the right to enjoy yourself again..you deserve it!! 😘😘😘😘😘
Great to hear you're enjoying life and have a fantastic partner 
I genuinely think that I'm fine being single, just a regular friend with benefits will do. My close friend has a huge obsticle in why we can't become more, but I'm too ashamed to say what that is.
Health wise, I think I shall enquire about starting hydrotherapy again, it's the only form of exercise I can do.
Sorry to hear you feel this way Purring-pussy (love your new avatar btw) it's my birthday this month also but I'm probably a lot older than you! From reading your posts and reviews you sound to me like a lovely lady ;)
I suggest treating yourself to something off Lovehoney with your discount, to cheer yourself up :) I know I certainly will.
You never know what the further might hold for you, that's what makes life exciting! I know it's hard if your feeling down, but try to celebrate your birthday and have fun. :) xx