Sounds stupid as I've been married for over 20 years but recently I've started to wonder about full anal and double penetration especially - neither of us have ever shown an interest before and hubby has recently started paying more attention to my bum, it started when his knuckle was pushing into me during oral and I asked him if he had his finger inside me as it felt so good, so now he will do a bit of rimming on me , which I absolutely love and when doing it "doggy" he will use a finger, but never very far in. I did ask him if there was anything he'd ever really wanted to try but he said not really, so I left it, in hindsight I maybe should have pushed and said what, not anal then? but it was only a couple of weeks into making a big effort to get our sex life back on track.
I've brought up a few things that I thought he may fancy, when I bought a vibrator ( which he admitted made him feel "weird" at first) and suggested he watch me use it, he really didn't like the idea and said why would he want to watch when he could play, which is fair enough, but I got upset because he didnt respond how I thought he would. He's been very suprised, to put it mildly, by my new enthusiasm for all kinds of sex and the time I got upset he said he felt uneasy because I seemed suddenly "up for anything" in his words - I explained that at the moment , I probably was and he was making me feel very uncomfortable by reacting so weirdly. I can't blame him as for years I wasn't really that into sex at all and suddenly pow, I wanted it all the time, and still do.
He's found it hard to come to terms with the change in me and told me he wanted me to calm down a bit and not rush into lots of new experiences all at once as he was loving what we doing anyway.
I honestly don't know how he would react if I just came out and said, "so would you like to try anal then?"
What if he said yes......or what if he said no?
There is also the worry of whether I would actually enjoy it anyway, or whether I would and he wouldn't, or vice versa. Why is it so difficult to ask him?
Well carry on having more sex as your doing because you've obviously both enjoying that. Bedroom talk is the best time to bring up wanting to try new things but maybe it's a bit fast for him? He's not being great making you feel weird for now wanting to try new thinks but it's probably due to shock. Maybe you could explain why your more interetsed in sex now to reassure him?
I'd definitely, definitely bring your wants up with him, but perhaps approaching it slowly to give him time to adjust and also be up for it. I think general sex books or dvds are a great idea. For example the lover's guide positions dvd also has a bit on anal and that might be a good way to bring it up in conversation.
Well carry on having more sex as your doing because you've obviously both enjoying that. Bedroom talk is the best time to bring up wanting to try new things but maybe it's a bit fast for him? He's not being great making you feel weird for now wanting to try new thinks but it's probably due to shock. Maybe you could explain why your more interetsed in sex now to reassure him?
I'd definitely, definitely bring your wants up with him, but perhaps approaching it slowly to give him time to adjust and also be up for it. I think general sex books or dvds are a great idea. For example the lover's guide positions dvd also has a bit on anal and that might be a good way to bring it up in conversation.
oops didn't connect there. But i fully agree there imelda it took a while for my oh to understand it might be a nice thing to do but slowly slowy catchy monkey we got there .Some dvd's with anal included finally broke the barrier so to speak.Have fun peeps
If he's not against playing with his fingers there he is unplikely to go "Eww" so I'd say it's not that big a step. Maybe while you're having sex doggy style and he has his finger in, ask for a second finger? Then if you like it, wonder out loud what it would feel to be fucked there. (change wording as appropriate for you, of course :-)
If you take a step back and think to yourself, what's the worst case scenario if you are honest with him and you tell him that you're curious about trying anal.... then it might put things into perspective a bit.
I know it isn't easy as you don't know what reaction you'll get, but at the end of the day, it's highly unlikely that he's going to file for divorce!
Maybe you need to take the plunge and be brave. You don't have to get on all fours and shout GIVE ME ANAL! But you could just say that you're curious as to how it feels....that should start the conversation and hopefully it will lead where you want it to! x
Thank you all for replying to me, I'm still a bit emotionally fragile I suppose - it was only in early February that we could have easily split up, I was unhappy, mainly within myself and had just completely shut myself away from him, he was depressed due to work events last year that had left him hurt and angry - we had stopped communicating on every level, pretty much.
It all came to a head when he told me he felt hurt and rejected by me and wasn't even sure if he loved me or I loved him, it hurt me more than words can describe to see him cry as he tried to explain how he felt and it shocked me into action. I've always been the selfish one, wanting things my way or no way at all in our life, I made a decision there and then to change the way I was, if I wasn't even happy having everything my own way, what was the point of doing that? I finally realised that I am responsible for my own happiness and there is no point blaming everyone but me for the way I felt. We had an awful week of tears and guilt ( on my part) and he told me he loved me and always had and wanted me so much, when we went to bed we just held each other and I just felt overcome with the physical feeling of wanting him so much to touch me and we've never looked back from that point. It was a hard way to get my libido back but it certainly worked.
At first, he thought I was maybe putting on an act and going over the top with my new desire for sex and intimacy, even my pmt has virtually vanished, leading me to think it was just a symptom of my state of mind, plus I've been looking after myself and taking ginseng, I've even lost a stone without any effort because Im no longer sedating myself with chocolate and painkillers. I truly feel like a new person, so much happier with life in general but I feel like we've missed out on so much pleasure this last few years, I think I got a bit carried away with the sex side of things, it's all been a bit much for him I think.
I'm just going to see what occurs naturally I think, as it did with my g-spot and newly found ability to have squirting orgasms! He can see how much I love him using his tongue around my bum but when I asked him if he wanted to see how it felt, he said he wasn't keen to try.
Have a play with a vibe, I would make sure you can take his size in your ass without flinching, if he' unwilling & he sees you struggling or wincing it could put him off. A bit of sexy homework if you will.
The most effective way in my eyes would ask him in your sexiest, lust crazed voice just to "fuck my ass" whilst getting it doggy still... or
straddle him & ride him cow girl, when you are ready, slip him out of your pussy & ease him into your ass, all the while holding his gaze with a sexy smile. He probably won't realise until it's in & then you're in control & he will be loving it.
I'm a bit ocd in all areas of life and I think I do go a bit overboard with things, I only suggested some things because I read that "all men" like to watch porn, watch women masturbate , etc. etc. forgetting that my man isn't like that - he's not religiously repressed and he doesn't have hang ups, he's just the way he is, as am I .
We don't watch porn, and I certainly wouldn't "trick" him into doing anything, he definitely wouldn't appreciate that - we watch stuff on tv like sexetera and laid bare but I'M
I don't know what's happening here but I wish you could edit posts!
anyway - if something I see on those shows put me off, I get quite vocal and annoyed - like when we watched porn week and it showed a man spitting on a woman, for lubrication I presume and it made me very angry, it's just a horrible , horrible thing to do and I couldn't understand it at all, I just kept asking my poor hubby why do they do it ( is that a normal part of porn? because if it is - it's quite vile). He said, "why are you asking me and why are you so annoyed". I do tend to go on about things.
I also got annoyed when there was a bit about a young guy in Prague who went to participate in a porn show and was having sex in front of his brother and his best friend, which I also found very strange and also got annoyed, again.
So even if I fancy a bit of porn, one little thing could put me off and that would be it. We do have some porn that someone gave hubby a few years back and we found the other week but there was some Ben dover stuff on one disc and he made me feel sick, he's like some creepy , pervy old uncle, not my thing at all. There was a film called more than a handful 5 (or 6?), that wasn't too bad I suppose .
Is there actually porn that doesn't involve men spitting on women, or the girls being "skewered" between two or three men, for want of a better term? Just full on, normal couple sex that will turn us on, not off, I'm fine with lesbian stuff, that seems more real somehow, no stupid positions used only for the camera angle like the woman on her head and the man sort of crouched over weirdly or the girl on her feet, just bouncing up and down, in and out..
If you and your fella like to watch stuff together that isn't too heavy, can I suggest http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/ ? They are a funny wee couple who talk frankly yet lightheartedly about sex, often with a wee drinkie on hand. They have a couple of videos about anal -
- for example and loads more info on their site and on YouTube.
Just let things go slow - before I started using this site, I would have balked at the thought of any kind of anal play and since then, through talking and trying things out, I have found that my OH likes to be rimmed, some penetration (usually a finger, although we have used a vibe), although I am still a wee bit cagey re myself being touched. Good luck hunny and whatever you do, talk and share
Sorry hun, I seeme to have cross-posted with you and maybe given you useless info. Sometimes you find that porn is just not for you! I was recommended to try XTube (http://www.xtube.com) by my friend and to be frank, it was just people fucking. Normally I am quite a "visual" person i.e. I like art and remember facts in a picture as opposed to written way, so i thought I would have liked some porn. Have you tried reading erotica together? Literotica (http://www.literotica.com) has a section for stories around anal that you might like.
I would also TOTALLY recommend Petra Joy the filmaker who LH sent me a DVD of to test http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15696 if you read my review I think you'll see why I think you'll like it. It would certainly be a very safe but sexy option to try. You could then maybe get one of her R18 movies which are hard core.
I wish both of you the best of luck
(oh and I should really say I was very impressed by your second post in this thread. I wish I could be so honest and work on my issues so hard)