My DW likes anal play initially ( eg tongue during oral ) but then shys away , dose anyone else find this happen/happened . Any advice on helping her over this greatfully received .
Time. My OH was not keen on anal penetration but is slowly coming around to it.
Best to talk it over with her too.
Hi @sunmanuk
Is this due to the thought of what you are doing is somehow wrong or dirty?
Or is there another reason?
Would she be willing to being tied up, blindfolded or possibly gagged so that it is more within your control.
Have you discussed beforehand how far you both want to go?
I think it may help to know what is potentially putting her off once you start.
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Maybe she is afraid of an āaccidentā ?
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You need to have a open, no pressure chat with her about what she enjoys about the anal play you do, if there is anything further she would like to do, what else you might like to do and, if she isnāt comfortable, why that is. Without knowing why she shies away, itās hard to advise ways to get over it as we could send you completely in the wrong direction.
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We have had an open chat and she wants to move forward with Anal play but something stops her , it may just be the thought of it being dirty ,
@Cupc8kes your idea of her being restrained might work as she is open to that and has been tied up before
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I love anal play and am confident with it on my own but with my OH I am more shy about it. I guess itās the worry that he thinks itās dirty or wrong. Itās just been time and reassurance from my OH that has helped. Keep talking about it and give her time.
Does your OH enjoy anal play on her own? Maybe, if she was interested, playing on her own first might help? I sometimes find that anal with a toy is more pleasurable on my own than when my OH uses it on me - probably because Iām in control when Iām on my own and I can decide how fast to go. Might she be worried about the loss of control or that it might be uncomfortable?
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I agree with @Kitty-Cat01 tell her to try some anal play on her own. Once she has comfortable then she can incorporate it in sex. Always build up to it but communication is key
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Before I got with my hubby Iāve never done anything anal, we were talking about things that we would like to try, and anal came up, I wasnāt too sure cos I thought it would be painful, so he said how about we try anal play first, so we got some lube he used his tongue first 
which I really liked, so I said to him use your fingers, again I really enjoyed, then he put his cock inside, at the angle I was at, it hurt just a little, so we tried another, he only went halfway in so I can get use to it. The other day the vibrating butt plug arrived what he ordered, itās a beginnerās one so itās only 3.5 inches in length, I got him to put it in, my god I love it itās got 7 vibration patterns, I said to him you have total control over how long it stays in and what pattern he wants, that night I was on the sofa leaning slightly forwards up against the cushions on my knees, I said to him I want you to go balls deep in my bum, his face lit up 
he put him in about half way and waited until I felt comfortable, and I just pushed back onto him, it felt amazing. The orgasmās I had were just mind blowing, I just kept saying to him go faster and harder
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That to me says you both have an awesome trust with each other, may I ask have you ever spoken to your oh about pegging at all
Our trust has always been strong, he is amazing, so patient with me waiting to hear that sentence āI want it balls deepā. Thatās one thing neither of us are interested in really
You really need to find out what the something is rather than just guessing.
Be very careful with this. Itās one thing to be restrained when you are fully consenting to the acts involved, itās another when you are nervous about what your partner is about to do. Make sure she still has multiple ways of saying no, both verbal and non verbally.
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Thank you all , for the advice , @Calie we have safe words etc so all good there .we are going to just take things easy and try now and again and maybe it will just happen 
@sunmanuk
I think it was the same for me and I went through a similar experience.
For years, everytime hubby tried to insert anything at all into my ass I would just wriggle away.
It was like I had a barrier up and you just need to figure out how to break that down.
So I would be interested to know if she uses any anal toys?
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@Cupc8kes not yet , that is something we will have an open chat about. She dose the same as you, did you manage to break the barrier down ?
@sunmanuk
Yes I/he did - now hubby is very happy indeed 
I donāt really know what did it, he was very persistent - kept trying by popping a sneaky finger in during sex when I was having too much fun to stop him.
Back then, I would have been disgusted if he tried to use his tongue.
Itās all about taking small steps - once she gets used to having your finger inside her, then maybe try a small toy. Once she starts feeling more comfortable with things in her ass, you can take it further.
For me, I guess I was worried that it was uncomfortable, thought I wouldnāt enjoy it and was concerned about any embarrassing mess that could happen.
I think that was the worse part as if felt so ādirtyā and thatās the part you just need to let go and not worry about so much.
But trying in small steps will give her a chance to realise that itās actually not bad, weāve never had anything gross happen.
I do only let him inside my ass when I feel comfortable as there are times when I just donāt feel like it.
As for anal, we have been together for many years but have only started doing it 3 months ago.
We tried it when we were much younger and it hurt so bad that I never wanted to try it again 
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Thank you @Cupc8kes , it sounds like she has the same reservations as you did , I think taking baby steps is the way to go untill she is comfortable with my fingers / tongue and then maybe a toy ,
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Really helpful post. We seem to be on a similar road. My wife and I have been together many years and tipping 50 seem to be getting more comfortable in ourselves and more adventurous. Anal has always been a no go but in the middle of a 69 the other morning my tongue went a little further than normal. I didnāt get any resistance so made that the area of focus. Judging by the reaction there were definitely no complaints! We chatted about exploring a bit more and her response was that it wasnāt off the table and my tongue was most certainly welcome back. So small steps and enjoy the journey wherever it leads.
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Anal is something my wife is not hugely into. When we first started dating years ago it was totally off the table. However, she used to finger my ass during sex and oral. During a 69 I ate her ass for the first time and pushed my tongue in as far as I could. But that was a one off. Over time we talked more about sex and she admitted she like me playing and licking her ass but not penetration. So I rubbed her ass a lot more during sex and oral. Finally I found teasing her with my fingers she would eventually just push herself on to them and take a finger quite deep. Since the Iāve been more open about wanting to try anal and how much a love putting my tongue in her ass. Weāve have anal once, both drunk, taking her from behind she asked for thumb in the bum. I asked if thatās all she wanted and she said get the lube! It was good both enjoyed neither came though, probably due to being extra cautious. Eventually she told me she need to stop. I ate her ass for like half an hour afterwards just need to show my appreciation. Eventually she rolled over and we had pretty wild conventional sex.
Now whenever I mention anal sheāll just say oh youāll need to get me very drunk for that. I donāt really push it too hard. Sheās taken a butt plug once since and did love it but she said itās the taking it out afterwards that puts her off. In figure we will do it again one day but I donāt think it will become the norm.
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Glad to hear that @H_B1
Itās funny because as time goes on, our desires change.
10 years ago, I would never have even considered doing some of the things we get upto now.
But sometimes we donāt know how to express that, or we donāt want to just come out and say āIād like to start taking your cock in my assā or āIād like us to start having sex with other peopleā.
We may have that desire but are still a little apprehensive and unsure. I still worry about being hurt sometimes - thatās my main concern, if hubby gets a bit too excited and rushes in too fast.
I still like to take things slow and am happy with a finger in the bum first, to see how itās feeling and if I want to take his cock in there at that time.
For me, anal has to be on my terms and when Iām totally feeling it - otherwise I canāt relax and be totally comfortable.
So carry on with what you are doing, always communicate with her to ensure you are both happy and check with how sheās feeling.
Enjoy your exploration 
@NaughtyB85 it sounds like things are going in the right direction. If she says that, sheās definitely open to the idea of doing it again - itās all about getting her ready for it.
Maybe if you make a start by fingering her bum, if you can tell sheās enjoying it, move further by licking and tonguing her (this will hopefully make her feel more aroused so she actually wants your cock in next).
Then once sheās nice and wet, you could gently try and ease yourself into her and see how she takes it.
Nice and slow with plenty of lube.
If she feels like she would need a couple of drinks to take the edge off, then plan it on a night when you both maybe have been out or have a couple of drinks.
(best not to be drunk though).
Also, for me personally - I wouldnāt want to know beforehand about hubbys plans as I would get a bit nervous and start worrying, then I wouldnāt be able to relax properly. So itās better just to slowly ease in and give it a try in the moment when you think itās a good time. Always begin with a finger so you can see how she responds, then take it from there.
Once we start enjoying it, she will feel more comfortable doing it then it may happen more frequently - you just have to go about it the right way 
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