I really like the idea of anal sex and me and my partner have tried a few times, but the problem is it really, really hurts. At the moment we are using maximus lube and starting off with anal beads and fingers to get me ready for it. The fingers and beads don't burn but they are very uncomfortable. When we are trying his cock only seems to be able to get in an inch before it starts to burn terribly...hurt and burn. The only thing that helps is ice but this only provides temporary relief. The best position I have found is spooning but even with this it gets in an inch or so and thats as far as I can take it. We have used anal beads on my partner and he says they don't hurt him at all, but they hurt me a bit. He thinks it is because I am tense. It's so frustrating as I really would like to be able to have anal sex. Any help would be massively appreciated! Thanks.
remember to take it slow... really slow. by this I mean that you may not even have sex the first few times!
start with having a nice warm bath, and relax. then massages around the area, legs - whatever it takes to get you relaxed.
we first started out by simply inserting the tip of the finger and gently massaging the anus in small circular movements for a period of time to encourage the muscles to get used to somethng being there and relaxing round them instead of closing up. Remember you're trying to condition your brain and body into something its not used or designed to do (something entering from this way) so will take time. Try rimming as well as this helps relax. If your partner is happy to put his dick there, then he should be happy to put his tongue there too!
Eventually we introduced small and slim toys and built this up over months.
Anal sex should NOT hurt if your totally relaxed and willing - and by the sounds of things your not relaxed and putting to omuch pressure on yourself.
try changing the material of the toys and the lube if you experience burning. We use glass toys as theyre smooth and non-reactive in any way - and then use a normal water based lube. beware though that glass is very rigid (so very unforgiving in terms of flexibility).
As much as it's frustrating, it's even more important to take your time and above all relax and enjoy.
being fustrated really wont help. equaly important as lube is relaxing. try after having vaginal sex as being more aroused also helps. you could even wear a small but pug during sex.
i wouldnt advise decensatizing lube but the relaxing lubes such as the Pjur back door anal glide is great as it relaxes the anal muscles making entry more comfortable.
me and my partner usualy start with fingers before he trys going in. start with just one then add more till about same girth as your partner.
anal can be uncomfotable at first but with practice it gets much easiera and is very rewarding. keep practicing and with plenty of lube and forplay along with a little patience you will get there
good luck
rd
xx
Thank-you both for the advice, it is very helpful!!! I think I am putting far too much pressure on myself to take it all right away. I will definitely take jensontammy's advice on circular movements and glass toys, as I see you can put these in the fridge or in ice and they stay cool...so that would definitely help. Thanks ragdoll - I will get desensitizing lube, I had never thought of that. I feel better about it already!
It could be that, like me, you have a sensitivity to something in the Maximus lube. It took me a while to realise that this was the issue because it only used to cause the burning sensation once things were put under stress. I would only notice a slight 'warmth' when the lube was applied but follow it up with a decent size dildo or butt-plug and it sent my eyes crossed!. However, using Liquid Silk resolved the issue.
Of course, one still needs to take things slowly etc but just in case try a different lube.
absolutely wrote:
Thanks ragdoll - I will get desensitizing lube, I had never thought of that. I feel better about it already!
its the relaxing one you want. (sorry if you read that wrong) pain is there for a reason so desensatizing can be a bad idea as it can stop you feeling the pain that is telling you something is wrong. the reaxing however contains natural ingredients that help to relax the muscles and make entry easir.
i use this one:
Thanks Gyrator, I had considered the lube making me burn so it is interesting you mentioned that.
Yes rag doll I read it wrong lol. I am definitely going to buy the Pjur, I have added to my wishlist. Thanks x
relax is very important too! try using a vibrator on your clit to help relax.
Really good advice so far the only thing I would add is if it does start to hurt dont pull straight out.
Stop breathe deep let the pain pass and slowly pull out.
xGGx
We have the same problem, so I'd also like to say thanks very much for the advice, hopefully we can give it another go!
ghostgirl wrote:
Really good advice so far the only thing I would add is if it does start to hurt dont pull straight out.
Stop breathe deep let the pain pass and slowly pull out.
xGGx
agreed. on a similar note, try going in a little, stop, wait till you get usedto it then go a tiny bit further. give your body a chance to get usedto the feeling rather than just panicing and pulling out.
Use toys as much as you can. I'd recommend buying a small butt plug like the basics slimline butt buddy and using it whilst you're having normal sex. Your partner can move it in and out whilst you're having sex and you may find it makes your orgasm more intense!
The sensation when you're doing anal play is very strange at first. It took me ages to get used to it and finally start to relax and enjoy it.
Don't try to have proper anal sex until you know that you actually like the sensation! It's not for everybody remember xx
dotdashdot wrote:
Use toys as much as you can. I'd recommend buying a small butt plug like the basics slimline butt buddy and using it whilst you're having normal sex. Your partner can move it in and out whilst you're having sex and you may find it makes your orgasm more intense!
The sensation when you're doing anal play is very strange at first. It took me ages to get used to it and finally start to relax and enjoy it.
Don't try to have proper anal sex until you know that you actually like the sensation! It's not for everybody remember xx
This. Very gradually using toys or fingers you should aim to get yourself comfortable with your OH's cock size. So build up slowly until you are comfortable inserting enough fingers or a big enough toy which is similiar to his girth / length. You could also try a vibe on your clit at the same time which may help to relax you.
While i think about fingers.
Make sure the nails are short and filed smooth, the skin around the nail is soft with no hangnails .
It may not feel like much when you touch someones skin with one but can do damage if inserted anally.
If you are using toys make sure they have a flared base or something like a loop you can hang on too. All that lube makes things a bit slippery to hold on to and trust me you do not want to loose something unsuitable up there. And yes that is from personal experience
xGGx
one I find helps me, is to have a butt plug which vibrates... the vinbrations help me relax down there and it slides in more easily.
Tam seems to be able to get the same plug in easily with no vibrations!
keep relaxing though and take your time!
on top of the great advice here
consider that it isnt for you and live with the fantasy thats what we do.
me and my OH are relatively new too it to and were experiencing similar problems to you, however one time I was in the cowgirl position and just lowered down onto him and found it amazing! it hurt the tiniest amount and felt AMAZING!!!! It had never felt good before, but OMG :P I couldnt get enough of it for a few days ahaha but I deffinately agree with Gunther! On top is best!
absolutely wrote:
Thanks Gyrator, I had considered the lube making me burn so it is interesting you mentioned that.
Yes rag doll I read it wrong lol. I am definitely going to buy the Pjur, I have added to my wishlist. Thanks x
I have also experienced this sensitivity problem; Maximus gives me a rather painful stinging feeling up there which definitely spoils the experience. Nowadays I use Durex 2 in 1, Sliquid Sassy and KY and they are all absolutely fine. I put them in the fridge sometimes for added coolness.
Take it slow and gentle, one step at a time, don't ever force it or put yourself under pressure, just focus on the pleasureable sensations from one finger or a really small toy. It can take months to work up to full penetrative sex, but it is well worth it and you should have a lot of fun along the way. 
For beginners the best results come with only initiating anal after the female partner has had an orgasm. I'm reffering to the actual penetration.
It's always a good idea to including some form of anal play during foreplay and preliminary stages (for people who enjoy anal).
Having wet wipes nearby is also a good idea (and not only for anal).
I just came across a guide right in the LoveHoney website:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/buyers-guide/first-time-anal-sex-guide/