Hi everyone!
So basically, I'm hoping to try my third attempt to anal with my boyfriend. The first two attempts didn't go too well.. First time we hardly got the tip in but we didn't have a clue what we were doing, didn't use the right lube and it didn't get very far. second attempt we read up and brought some desensitising lubes to help. One was anal ease which you insert up the golden hole and another which you put on the golden hole and on their magic wand. This went a little better than the first attempt, he got all the way in, however it was really hard for me as it hurt so much. When he got in it was okay, but when he tried to thrust out slowly it really hurt. My boyfriend was so good, took it slow and listened to me, however it didn't seem to work. I was left very sore. My boyfriend is quite large, length and width. I feel really unconfident now, and a little scared to try it again. I am quite a sensitive sole, but I think it may just be in my head!? And tips from experienced analers would be amazing and I would be so greatful if you told me some tips. I have looked into getting butt plugs however I'm not sure which ones to get? Thanks inadnave guys, love your anal scared friend xx
Sounds like you've learnt your lesson that lube is important. Best thing to do is play alone with some toys, work you way up, get used to the feeling and give it time. Once you know how your body works you'll be able to guide him.
I recommend you try this
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31111
If you are considering a butt plug 😊
Oh and I wouldn't recommend the desensitising lube as it makes you less aware if you get any damaged tissue occurring. Also recommend you or your partner to play with your clit or even a bullet to help you relax and focus elsewhere at the same time as that can help a great deal. 😊
Personally, I would not recommend using numbing or desensitising lubes. I don't agree with them because then you can't tell if something is wrong. If anal sex is painful, or any kind of sex for that matter, you should stop rather than carry on and try to work through it. Ignoring pain can mean you're potentially going to do some damage to your body. I would try a thick anal lubricant like Sliquid Sassy instead.
I also wouldn't recommend trying anal sex until you're used to the feeling of something being there. You say that your partner is on the large side, so you might be feeling pain because your body simply isn't used to or ready for something of that size. I would suggest a beginners butt plug and a small dildo like the Tantus Silk medium and work your way up from there before trying again. Sex should not be painful! Take it slowly, there's no rush.
As all above, also you could try playing on your own with your fingers/toys to help get used to the general feeling?
This is a great one to try, good shape not too big?
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30703
Then you could go for the bigger ones?
The most important thing is to take things slowly and stop immediately if anything hurts or is uncomfortable. Make sure you use lots of lube - this is essential.
It may take several sessions before you are able to penetrate fully - just take as long as you need and build up very slowly. Mr Scorpius normally warms me up by playing with his fingers inside me, and building up to 2 fingers then 3 fingers. Then he gently uses a small anal dildo before slowly entering me himself.
I have recently bought this bought which is brilliant:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1554
Also, have a read through this LH guide which is very helpful too :) xx
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-anal-sex/buyers-guide/first-time-anal-sex-guide/
Most of the other commenters (our anal commrades) have mentioned truly sage advice, relax, go slow, use a really good lubricant (I prefer a thick silicone one for well-endowed gents) and communicate with your partner.
I also agree with the bit about numbing lubes not being good, but only so far.... there are some lubes that use weird and wonderful things like Acmella oleracea (indian toothache plant) which numbs in a very particular way, I've found it really good for remaining aware of possible pain without experiencing the full hit of it. And B5 vitamins when applied topically also have a mild numbing effect but keeping the awareness there. These are often classed as high-end ingredients (oddly) so finding lube with them in is difficult but on their own they could be added to an exisiting lubricant as a supplement (B5 from bulk powders is good, I add a pinch to some of this > http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21186).
Another thing to note is the position, I find on my side is easiest to bare, on my back the most pleasurable but also the one which can get uncomfortable if done wrong and on all fours is really variable depending on how you arch your back and position your behind (since working on my core muscles this postion is a lot nicer, but before was like being jack hammered).
Best advice is what your doing now, exploring with each other, don't be afraid but also don't worry if you just can't handle it. Some things just ain't mean't to be, but if you can explore it a bit, you can at least say you tried. I found that if you do little and often eventually you'll be experienced enough and bold enough to handle anything.
Definately recommend the icicles No 48 I love it! and I can put it in myself, it's very comfortable and pretty.