My wife loves me playing with her bum cheeks and giving her oral but last night as she was bent over the bed with me licking her I just moved slightly so I was licking her bumhole. I found it really hot but she pretty much freaked out and told me stop.
Sadly it pretty much killed the atmosphere and although we still had sex it felt as though the magic had gone out of he situation.
Has anyone else had a similar reaction, or a similar aversion to their bum hole being played with who could offer any advice as to how to change her mind?
It can often be a cleanliness thing. Since you caught her by surprise she may not have felt that she'd had the chance to get it as clean as she'd like it before letting you loose.
I think you'd probably need to discuss it with her outside of sexy-time. That way she can tell you exactly what her issue is, and then you can explore it or not depending on how she feels about it.
Had you ever discussed rimming? It's not a surprise that she freaked out if you started doing a sex act that you have never even talked about. You might be married, but consent still matters. There is a big difference between bum cheeks and an anus, so just because she likes stimulation of one doesn't automatically mean she likes both.
I would strongly recommend you sit down and discuss it at a time when you have no distractions and you aren't just about to have sex. If she doesn't want to, then you can't make her change her mind. However, in the cod light of day, she may be willing to discuss it.
I don’t think you necessarily did anything wrong by trying. Maybe could have spoke to her before but I know what it’s like in the heat of the moment. If she reacted like that then your gonna have to get her consent before doing it again. Maybe suggest a bath and a massage first? Do you have anal sex?
I don’t think you necessarily did anything wrong by trying. Maybe could have spoke to her before but I know what it’s like in the heat of the moment. If she reacted like that then your gonna have to get her consent before doing it again. Maybe suggest a bath and a massage first? Do you have anal sex?
Anal sex is a regular part of our life with her pegging me and me penetrating her anus but she draws the line at rimming. She will not allow me to do it to her and would certainly not do it to me. I guess it's an ingrained attitude possibly from childhood and I'm happy to accept that she has her limits.
I see, my partner lets me rim her but wont rim me, it is not something that she seeks out from me, but she will admit that it feels good and says that as long as Im enjoying myself then she enjoys it.
My h did it a few years ago and I was the same I asked him to stop which he did. He asked wt another time and for me it was it felt wrong due to hygiene. We’ve got to the point where there is a little anal play but I’m still not keen on rimming and wouldn’t do it to him either. He also was wanting me to pop a finger in but I felt a little uneasy he wasn’t pushy at al and that was what started our introduction to anal play I suggested butt plug / probe. Which we started with and then I came up with the idea of using condoms so there wasn’t the cleanliness issue. I think if you give her time and no pressure she may decide she would like to try things in the future
Honestly, anal is one of those things that a person is usually either willing to explore and doesn't need any coercing, or they're 100% against.
As such it really should be discussed first before surprising them with anything new.
Me personally, i'm 100% in the never camp with regard to anything anal, on either partner. I have OCD and a severe anxiety and dislike of bodily waste, and because of this, i am very open and upfront before i start dating someone that anal will never be on the cards, and that i'm not comfortable with anal masturbation on their part in the home i live in. (If they live elsewhere they can do as they please, but if moving in ever happened i wouldn't be ok with it continuing) This is becasue of an illness granted, and i'm way more obsessed with germs than the average person, but i make it clear as i know it's not really fair for me to expact someone to give up something they like if the relationship gets serious. As such, i won't date people who honestly are interested/wanting anal to be a part of their sex life. I'm especially strict on this since an ex (thankfully a long distance relationship) suddenly started repeatedly threatening to wait til i was tied up for something i consented to, then forcing anal sex on me as i couldn't stop him. As such, i would HATE someone trying to "persuade" me to try it, no means no, and i would seriously consider leaving someone who didn't take my very clear "No" as a definitive answer the first time and brought it up a gain. a 3rd time, they would definitely be gone as they clearly aren't respecting my boundaries.
I love butt stuff. We can move on now that I got this off my chest.
As many others pointed oit, it might be a cleanliness thing. Maybe she needs to wash really well right before receiving oral, maybe even use a finger in there or maybe even go all the way and have an enema (takes 15-40 minutes, it can feel weird, basically gives one diarrhea and is quite unsexy for most.)
I do not hink that you should focus on 'changing her mind'. Forcing in one or another way your partner to do something they do not want to does not end well. Not for you, not for them and not for your relationship. Talking into is pretty much the same as forcing. Just don't.
The best thing to do would be to have an open, calm conversation where you share your fantasy with her and ask her if there are any parts she might be interested in living out, maybe with some changes and tweaks to fit her comfort level and kinks.
How about using a toy on her at the same time as you are eating her ass? It can be a wand, dildo, vibrator, whatever she likes. If you are into bondage you could tie her down and 'force-lick' her. Or if she is dominant she could sit on your face and 'force' you to do it (has to be consensual either way!)
In case she is completely negative to the whole idea, that's okay as well. We are not all into the same things! If she changes her mind in the future she will most likely let you know.
Until then, you can fantasize about it. Maybe when you kiss her while fucking her, or when you are eating her pussy. ;)