So basically all of my friends are now pregnant or just had babys and am sitting here unable to find a guy to even have a relationship with. Not going to lie am a little (very) jealous of them all. I know that sounds silly but I am being honest. Everyone is settling down and am left sitting myself.
I'm worried tbh, they all have stuff to talk about and I feel a little left out. They all plan days out with kids and I feel like I'm being left out as don't have a kid. Now the final friend in the group has just announced she is pregnant.
Do I sound horrible for feeling like I'm being left out so many plans? Xx
Not at all, infact there are plenty of things you can do.
Unfortunately it takes give and take on both sides.
Unfortunately when you have kids, almost everything else goes out of the window and every activity must be pre-approved as not just child-safe, but child-focused unless you want a day of screaming toddlers pulling you out of clothes shops to drag you to the toy shop opposite etc.
That said, just because you don't have children doesn't necessarily mean that you wouldn't enjoy accompanying your friends to the park & days out for a catch up and to be a part of their families lives.
I think it would be best to discuss this with your friends how you feel and that you would still like to be included in their lives regularly even though you have different circumstances.
As for settling down yourself, they say that you always find what you need when you stop looking for it. Imho It will happen eventually when the time is right, but it's not right if you have to force it too much x
Not you don't sound horrible, it's a natural reaction . You feel like an outsider of a very exclusive club . I know its easy to say but make the most of your childfree days, you'll never have this kind of freedom again at least not for many years. When your friends are up to their necks in baby sick and are almost on their knees with tiredness you'll still be out enjoying yourself. I bet your friends still appreciate you and probably don't realise you feel left out. There's bound to be someone out there for you , sometimes the right person can just come along when you least expect it x
Tbh, I dont go out as they are all pregnant or have babys and none have time. My best friend knows how I feel but she finds ot hard to keep me involved when they talk about how hard it is. She knows I find it hard to be around them all aswell, as I lost my baby just over a year ago, after a lot of stress.
I feel horrible for feeling the way I do but how do you find someone when you spend all your time at work or home. I have a fwb but he made it clear at start he isn't looking for anything serious and we only see each other once every few weeks. I feel so isolated at the minute :( xx
Jazzam thanks, I wouldnt say I go looking for someone, tbh I never go out. I try to stay involved with mates as much as possible, but I find it hard due to curcumstances. Also I've tried talking to a few but just get told I dont understand them anymore. My best friend trys to keep me involved but the rest seem to just push me out xx
I tbink you're looking too much into things, probably because you feel so left out, you're looking into it more and more.
The reason us mums talk so much about kids and babies is because it's all our lives consist of and we've got nothing else to talk about! I bet on some level they're jealous of you too because you can do things that they can't. Dot get me wrong, it's wonderful being a parent but now and then I do wish I could just do anything I wanted or leave the house without it having to be a military operation.
You need to talk to them all and tell them all how you feel. I've grown apart from friends because I'm so busy with kids, and I wish someone had of told me about it rather than just letting it happen. We have little human beings to worry about and sometimes you can't even think about anything else, it's just totally consuming and we forget about anything else going on around us.
I'm lucky and I have one close best friend who understands this and works hard at our friendship and I totally appreciate it. But what's great about her is how helpful she is and how much the kids love her. She offers to babysit and when we do go on days out and she comes along she's always so helpful and makes an effort to help with the kids which is a lovely relief for me and makes me want to spend more time with her.
I think you should be more positive and pro-active, don't think about the bad things, think about the good things in your friendship and try your best to include yourself. Quite often it's easier when someone else is calling all the shots for you and making themselves be included, it's nice not to worry about losing a friend because you're sometimes too busy to make the plans.
They will all want you there, you just need to be a bit more positive about it and not be too worried about things. True friends will always be there, the ones that fade away aren't real friends anyway xx
You could always consider fostering a child if nature is pushing the nurture button? There are plenty of different types of fostering, short term, long term etc, and just because you are single, does not mean you can not foster.
I still live at home.so fostering isn't an option.
MrsMcX I don't mind that they always talk about their kids and I adore all their kids, but it can be hard to be around them after losing my own. Also I always try to help out and my best friend appreciates it, the rest tend to just tell me I don't understand, or tell me how easy I have it. I've tried talking and other than my best friend the rest just basically tell me I don't understand and never will until I have a child. I love spending time with their babys and going for days out but it is getting to the point where they basically tell me that me being there is pointless. I suffered from depression after my miscarriage and still get really low. I know I'm over thinking things but it can be really hard when I get told I haven't been invited to plans as I dont have a baby etc.
I feel horrible and selfish for feeling the way I do but it sometimes feels like other than one the rest don't want me around. I know I'm being petty and stupid but its how I feel xx
I'm so sorry that you lost your baby and that must make the situation even more difficult. I feel that they are being a bit harsh to say t here's no point in you being included in their plans but maybe they feel that you'll find it too upsetting to be around babies although this is your choice to make as only you know what you can cope with. Don't really know what else I can say other than I hope you get through this feeling and your friends try to include you and not shut you out x
Thank you for your kind words. I dont know how things will pan out but I can hope. I will try talk to them again but until its sorted guess I will have to get used to my own company and see if my guy mates fancy going out etc xx
It sounds like you need some new friends! I'm in the position of trying to find new friends after various dramas and problems caused my friendship circle to evaporate. A physically disabled woman with mental health issues is no fun to be around. My disability is genetic so if I had a baby there's a 70% chance of my child inheriting all the pain and limitations that make my life so difficult. I'm not very maternal so to my mind I'm not missing out, but when most of my peers have the careers, the husbands and babies it's hard being the outsider who will never have any of that. You're not alone in being dissatisfied with your current path, and jealousy can strike anyone. I get jealous of the family people with their settled lives, and while I know nobody will envy my suffering they might envy the freedom they imagine I have. Stay in touch with your friends, keep offering support and ideas of things you can still enjoy with them, but at the same time start meeting different people who are at the same stage as you. Accept that you're not alone in this, and realise you still have so many options open to you. You can do anything! There's no need to 'catch up' with your friends or feel like you're missing out. Have fun, enjoy your life, and relax. You don't have to rush. And you don't have to follow the same path as everyone else either.
No you don't sound horrible. This is the other great side to these LH forums we can even discuss this sort of issue over support sympathy and guidance. We're are all here for you and I would like to offer my sympathy over the loss of your baby. As a man I don't think I can begin to imagine what that must be like.
We all at some stage in our lives feel lonely and isolated, this also feels worse if we feel down and low it seems much worse. The other thing is that you are last in your little group of friends so it feels as though you are left behind.
Kids are great especially the ones you can give back. Just a radical out of the box thought. If your close friend has a child she is properly very tired. You could offer to baby sit for her one night. Then tell her it would do her good ,after to have a night out with you some time. Don't know this may be a man's solution and not be right.
I have to agree with a lot of what Jazzam has posted. Children are life changing, exhausting and frustrating. Your friends arn't ignoring you they are coping with the increased pressure of life with children.
I've spent a huge chunk of my life with no friends. I do have kids and have done since I was 18. It's exhausting and I can't stay up past 10pm! And I work 3 evenings a week too! Plus I have 3 dogs! It's hard to find time but since my friends all do slimming world with me we sometimes go for a drink after.
I don't really know what to say I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. I lost my baby boy, it will be four months on Tuesday.
I also feel very left out and find it hard to be around kids. My sister has two little girls and we live in the same house, it's very hard for me but I just wanted to let you know your not alone.
I spent many years without friends because I was the one with a baby and those around me didn't... i love my kids and being a mum but having children can be isolating... like others have said everything is about them so when your pottering about at home or out having an adult conversation... think of your friends sat at home watching peppa pig for the hundredth time that day with a list of chores that need doing and the most exciting conversation they have all day is when they are at the school gate discussing parenting.... so these days out and meeting up is an escape from something isolating....
It could be worth going to see all your friends individually and in their home environment... so when they are in that isolating bubble they can look forward to coffee and adult conversation... maybe help a little with holding the baby while she pops to make the coffee etc... seeing them individually when you all meet you'll understand what what they are talking abou making it easier for you to fit into the conversation.. you can say oh like when i came for coffee and they can all find a way of including you into the conversation. .. because it will be hard for them and they will appreciate the fact you are there for them xx
it does get better though... my kids are now in school and i meet friends for coffee without the kids and we can have more adult conversation :)
I've also lost a child, and let me tell you, having another child doesn't take the pain away from the one that you've lost. But time does heal. Have you had any therapy or councelling for the loss of your baby? I think after a year the pain eases and you find it easier to be around children but I feel like if you're still having problems being around other children, you might need to see someone to talk through your issues.
The friends that are telling you you don't understand, and you don't know how easy you have it shouldn't be saying them sort of things to you. And although they're probably right, it sounds like to me they're just jealous of you and you should take pride in that. If you have friends that are saying to your face that it's pointless you being there then you shouldn't be friends with them. Stuff them! You have a best friend that sounds lovely, to cling onto her. Ignore the rest of them, if they want to be your friend then let them come to you, if not, you're better off without them.
I've also lost a child, and let me tell you, having another child doesn't take the pain away from the one that you've lost. But time does heal. Have you had any therapy or councelling for the loss of your baby? I think after a year the pain eases and you find it easier to be around children but I feel like if you're still having problems being around other children, you might need to see someone to talk through your issues.
The friends that are telling you you don't understand, and you don't know how easy you have it shouldn't be saying them sort of things to you. And although they're probably right, it sounds like to me they're just jealous of you and you should take pride in that. If you have friends that are saying to your face that it's pointless you being there then you shouldn't be friends with them. Stuff them! You have a best friend that sounds lovely, to cling onto her. Ignore the rest of them, if they want to be your friend then let them come to you, if not, you're better off without them.
Thank you to everyone for ypur kind words ive spoke to a couple of them and they said they didn't realise how thoughtless they were being with some comments amd we agreed that I will be more open about how I'm feeling and they will make sure I am still invited to gatherings etc x
Sounds like a great step in the right direction :-) I'm glad you could get your feelings out there x Sorry for the loss of your child, you're so strong for being able to get on with things, but there's no shame in getting a little counselling here and there if things are getting tough! X
I always believe that strength is in being able to see a problem and asking for help solving it, not in just getting by when your head is in turmoil x