So I've been single for 5 months now and it has gone scarily quick! I feel lonely a lot of the time and I don't feel that it's because I want to find a new man, I'm perfectly happy being single. I feel like I just need a really good friend. I'm at uni at the moment but my course is full of mainly older girls who have families and children (I'm 21 with no kids) and whilst they're all lovely we don't have much in common.
Girls from work are also older and as I'm a trainee they're more superior to me and I wouldn't feel very comfortable going out with them. I live with a girl from my course and she's a good friend but she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend, she's hardly ever home and we don't have a lot in common either.
When I lived at home I did a lot with my Mum, we'd watch movies together, go out for dinner, to the theatre and to the cinema and I really really miss it. I watch a movie almost every night all by myself and I feel really lonely and sad. In school I had a really close network of friends but they're all at uni doing different things and I don't get to see them as often as I'd like.
I want a friend who I can do things with, someone outside of work and uni but I have nobody and it's really hard coming to terms with that fact. I hear about the little social networks that my friends have created at their universities and I feel really envious.
I would like to start dating eventually and find a new man but I don't want to do so when I'm in this position, I want to have my own life and my own friends and not be completely reliant on a man to fulfill my needs if that makes any sense.
I have no idea where to start when it comes to looking for some really good friends so if anyone has a story or a suggestion or some advice that may help me to overcome my loneliness then I would very much appreciate it :) x
City Socialising - i moved around alot and really needed some new friends in the area i lived as my partner was leaving ffor a while.
Its a fab website and is safe. I hope you have some success babe. Btw I'm adding you as a friend on here. Always nice to have some girlie chat :) x x x
I am all to familiar with friends being in other places. Im in my final year of uni at the moment, but before I moved away I did a year out working. However almost all of my friends from school moved away and I was left behind.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was by my mum. She encouraged me to get a hobby. You can meet loads of people by going to classes/clubs that interest you or joining a uni society (if its not too late in the year) and there is the added bonus that you already have something in common. The same goes for volunteering, (my mums idea again) and if you chose the right thing you can meet all sorts of people, it can take you all sorts of places (and is good for the CV too.)
Hope you can find something that suits you and am here to chat too :)
I know doing what you usually like is familiar and comforting, but you'll feel the lack of your usual companion all the more. Try finding something new to do, that can be your own thing.
Unis usually have clubs and societies that hold regular events - pick one and go along.
What about volunteering somewhere? Or changing jobs if possible?
I'm in a similar situation to your Uni one... out of the 80ish people on my course I socialise with absoultely none of them. I'm in third year now so it seems a bit pointless to try and make any 'life-long' friends with any of them. I stupidly fell into a relationship in freshers week & ended up neglecting everyone else for 2 years!
Since I started Uni though I've had a part time job for the BEST company I could imagine working for & I've made some of the most amazing friends that I will defintely keep for life, they are the people that I socialise with and go out with because we all have really similar tastes.
I'm also starting to volunteer at a little cinema this week, mostly for the social aspect of it! One shift a week means I can watch films every night with the guys that work there & just generally make some new friends!
i move around often and im moving soon and feel the same, im movong anout 330 miles away from where i am not so a little nurvers again but. i just go to the local pub/su bar and chat to ppl who r there often.
I'm training to be a midwife so I work a lot of the time. I live an hour away from my uni as I have to live near the hospital I work at instead of near the university. It's disappointing as I was really excited about getting the uni experience that all my friends are having, living on campus, joining societies... but I can't do anything like that and now I'm in my second year it is kinda too late to make hard and fast friends in my uni class. It is very isolating.
I also made the mistake of moving to uni whilst still in a relationship which stood in the way of me making friends.
Thank you for the website suggestion, I did think it would be a little sad at first to go on a website to make friends but I think I should give it a go :)
I would love to join a club but I'm not really good at anything, I did think about joining a running club but my running skills are lacking at the moment! I will think about it some more. Volunteering also sounds great though I worry that due to the unpredictable nature of my shift pattern that I would not be reliable enough to do it. Though again it's something to look into.... volunteering at a cinema sounds fantastic!
Thank you again everyone, it makes so much difference just knowing that I'm not the only one. I've felt like a bit of a pathetic loser lately and it's a shame. I'm a friendly person, I love having a good chat and meeting new people, though I can be a little shy at first. Hopefully I'll make some new friends soon :) xx
Thank you for the website suggestion, I did think it would be a little sad at first to go on a website to make friends but I think I should give it a go
Not to put too fine a point on it, but what exactly do you think we're all doing here?
dotdashdot wrote:
I would love to join a club but I'm not really good at anything,
Rubbish! Everyone is good at something, and everyone has interests, whether they're "good" at them or not.
Besides, if you're not good at something and want to be, then a club might be a very good place to get better.
Rubbish! Everyone is good at something, and everyone has interests, whether they're "good" at them or not.
Besides, if you're not good at something and want to be, then a club might be a very good place to get better.
I agree.there is something out there for everyone. I took up life drawing afew years ago (not as sexually fueled an activity as many would imagine) and the class was full of people of mixed ablities. there was no pressure to "perform" so to speak, and because everyone there was interested in what they were doing (most people were on their own) they were also keen to discuss what they were doing. loads of places hold stuff that doesnt rely on an ability to keep up with the rest of the group.
Your local council will probably have a list of events that they put on in either the libraries or community centres, that anybody can go to, so might be worthwhile having a look there. you'lll be surprised at what you can find.
I would love to join a club but I'm not really good at anything, I did think about joining a running club but my running skills are lacking at the moment! I will think about it some more. Volunteering also sounds great though I worry that due to the unpredictable nature of my shift pattern that I would not be reliable enough to do it. Though again it's something to look into.... volunteering at a cinema sounds fantastic!
Is there a parkrun in your area?
Check out: http://www.parkrun.com/events/uk
It's a free weekly 5km run that's open to all ages and abilities. It's a great way to get started as you can just go at your own pace -- participants range from good club athletes to people who potter around gently in 45 minutes or so.
My local parkrun is a very friendly event, with cheering and encouragement from the sidelines to everyone taking part, and the chance to socialise with others afterwards over a cup of tea and a piece of cake. Everyone's very relaxed and chatty because there's a sense of shared achievement around completing the event. There's also the option of volunteering to help with its organisation, which offers the opportunity for more contacts.
If you're interested, then all that you need to do is to register on the site and print out a personal bar code identifier which will enable you to participate in any event in the UK and have your race time measured and recorded. There's no obligation to do anything, though.
From my own experience, it's great fun to take part and to see yourself improve over successive weeks. I hope that it's a possibility for you.
Since starting university I have drifted away from all of my old high school friends and I haven't managed to make any meaningful friendships. I have the occasional conversation with the other students now and again but I can't seem to get past acquaintance status. It takes a while for me to open up to people and I feel like everyone else has already formed their cliques and I'm just the outcast. I only get to see my boyfriend once a month (we're long distance) and it gets pretty lonely the rest of the time, so I can kinda relate to what you're going through.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but what exactly do you think we're all doing here?
Ahhh yeah I only just realised how that sounded. Sorry about that!
Thanks for the suggestions guys, there's a parkrun about 5 miles away from me which I could drive to, definitely something to look into.
AliMc, sorry that you feel the same way as I do. I know what you mean with the others at uni just being acquaintances and not the real friends that you want and need. Hopefully we'll be able to get through this rocky patch xxx
Thanks for the suggestions guys, there's a parkrun about 5 miles away from me which I could drive to, definitely something to look into.
You may find that the "News", "Results" and "Photos" links in the banner header of the parkrun page for your local event will give you a flavour of what to expect. The "Course" page should tell you more about the location and give you options for parking your car. At my one, it's usually possible to park at the venue as long as you arrive in good time (although I run there and back!).
If you do take part, then I'd be very interested to hear how you get on. It might not seem an obvious way of meeting new friends but, as I said, there's a great community spirit at my local run which tends to get people chatting easily. After a few runs you find that you recognise people -- particularly ones who are finishing in similar times to you -- and you may start to develop a friendly sense of mutual encouragement/competition.
I hope that others reading this might also feel encouraged to take part.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but what exactly do you think we're all doing here?
Ahhh yeah I only just realised how that sounded. Sorry about that!
No worries. I have to say I prefer real life friends too, but I'd rather be virtual friends with cool people than real friends with whoever happens to live near me. :(
