My wife often says I am not romantic and not spontaneous. I do have ideas, but I am an overthinker. My wife suffers from social anxiety, so a day/night out needs planning. We have two kids, but babysitters are not reliable. As you can see, spontaneous romance is difficult for me. Could you suggest ideas to bring back the romance?
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I donāt particularly like social settings either so here are some social anxiety friendly ideas weāve done that have been wonderful:
ā¢ pack a picnic, drink etc and drive to a nice lookout spot. Fold the back seats flat or open the back door of the boot and sit in the back of the car with your picnic and the view. Weāve done this watching storms roll over the hills or at the beach or some other lookout. Take a card game or just talk
ā¢ organise a movie night, arrange the sofas so itās comfy, get all the snacks and drinks and a selection of movies. Put up fairy lights and candles to make it a bit more special
ā¢ organise a massage night for her, get nice oils, have her take a long bath to unwind and set up the space with candles and calming music
ā¢ set up an air mattress and blankets and pillows on a clear night and watch the stars together in the garden
ā¢ have a board or card game night. Score it, whoever wins gets a massage or some other reward (intentionally lose)
ā¢ at home dinner dates
Things you can do in everyday life that are romantic but not full on dates:
ā¢ find out her love language. If itās words of affirmation then up the āI love youāsā āyou are so beautiful,ā etc etc
ā¢ intentional with touch if that is one of her love languages. Do it often and sincerely. (Kiss on the forehead, cheek, come up behind her for a cuddle, brush her hair, random shoulder rub if sheās sitting, lingering touches, holding hands even if going to the supermarket (we do this without fail wherever we go), goodnight and good morning kiss, cuddles with no intention of sex, back scratches if sheās laying in bed on her phone or while watching a movie, random dance parties if you have music playing while making dinner)
ā¢ pick up one of her chores, especially one she hates doing
ā¢ ask her if she has a goal or something she wants to achieve in the short term and brainstorm it with her.
Iām sure you have lots of ideas already but I think finding out how she best receives love is good, because then you are less blind with what might be well received. As for the overthinking, perhaps you need to have a chat with her about why, is it just how you are? Has she responded a certain way before thatās making you second guess yourself? Are you self conscious? (Rhetorical questions 
)
Having a chat and setting expectations and asking each other what you need and want from each other and continuing to have this conversations as you move forward will also help. Donāt forget that you also can benefit from romance, the door absolutely swings both ways in a relationship.
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Maybe a nice dinner and movie night together at home while the kids have a sleepover round someoneās 
Or you could have a nice spa and sauna day to relax and have a hotel to stay at
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As someone with social anxiety disorder, i love ALL of this 
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That was a lovely post @mrssaffa and with some useful ideas.
We do use the words of affirmation frequently, as well as touch, kiss, holding hands, or a cheeky spank! I get a nice M&S meal deal and cook it, and we enjoy it together.
I think what I need to do is what you had in the first part of your post, the things outside the daily routine.
Like I said, I do overthink - there are too many variables (can the kids be looked after, is she going to have a bad day, or will I?). It is a confidence thing I suppose. I donāt want to disappoint, so I try to be perfect, but I need to recognise it wonāt be perfect.
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I didnāt used to be particularly romantic or openly affectionate but as weāve grown older together I find myself being more and more so.
I think it began when I went into chastity. My sexual desires sublimated themselves into little touches, cuddles and kisses.
Soon afterwards she was diagnosed with Parkinsons and that focused my attention on the fact that our time together is finite so I now try to make the most of every second I have with her.
Our sexual relationship has exploded since then but I now savour every moment I have with her. We talk far more about intimate topics, I cuddle and kiss her as often as I can (sometimes I can sense that Iām overdoing it so I back off a little) and generally let her know just what she means to me.
We try to get away on short city breaks as often as possible and at every opportunity I treat her like a queen.
Being romantic doesnāt have to involve large spontaneous gestures though. It can be just simple touches, caresses and surprise cuddle and kisses.
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My husband and I have a fortnightly date night, with the other Thursday being a littleā¦ less romantic. Anyway, one Thursday each fortnight we cook spaghetti bolognese, get a tiramisu for dessert and watch a movie with popcorn. Also, we go for a walk together on a Saturday morning. It doesnāt have to be big.
Spntaneity: buy lunch or dinner on Deliveroo. Itās a little pricey, but you can try some new cuisine together and you donāt have to worry about cooking. Pop into a store while youāre out and pick her up some chocolates or a bunch of flowers. Again, you donāt have to go big. Even watch the kids for a few hours so she can have a lay-in. I hope these help
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Romantic texts get me every time (and are free)ā¦
From him yesterday
āGuess what I have done?ā
Me.?
āFallen madly in love with you!ā
Its simple and cheesy and I love it!!
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I love when my OH suggests going for a drive it really brings out his more romantic side, we endup visiting places we used to go to when we started going and reminiscing about them. When we get home we endup cuddled up on the sofa together having loads of cuddles as he holds me dont know if it is any help to you
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That sounds like a nice idea. Kids are a little older and can be left for an hour, and the evenings will soon be lighter and warmer (I hope), so will be perfect. Just got a new car - we havenāt just āgone for a driveā in ages, so is an excuse to get out and about.
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