Best Sex Toys For Disabled Users?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi everyone, 

I was hoping to pick your brains. 

In the interest of breaking the silence that seems to surround the topic of disability and sexuality, we're going to be working with a fantastic disability charity to provide sex tips and chat aimed at helping people who are differently-abled - and part of that will be picking a varied selection of sex toys that can help with your sex life.

If you have a disability that makes intercourse, foreplay, or masturbation tricky, but have found a specific sex toy that really benefits your sex life, I'd love to hear from you on what the toy was and the way in which it's helped your sex life.

For example, if you need assistance supporting your body during sex, have you found position enhancers or Liberator wedges helpful? If it's not easy for you to reach your genitals, did you find a massager with an extra-long handle helped? 

I look forward to reading your comments!

Thanks,

Sammi

2

Wow its so nice to hear LH doing this

3

I have chronic pain conditions. I struggle with positions that require my legs to be open. I find that restraints help me as I can use them to support my weight. We've just bought a spreader bar to try and enhance it even more 😊

5

Yay, I can actually help with this! I have arthritis and some other issues that cause difficulty in my hands, and found the Satisfyer Pro2 (https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36188) works so well when my hands are bad - as I don't need to move it much to get off!

6

By far the biggest thing that helps us (my wife is disabled) is position (ie which positions has she got the strength to do on the day) and attitude (ie, allowing her body to guide what we do on any given day).

I'm not sure a toy has been particularly useful, but I can certainly mention some that are difficult to use. For example, she wanted a strapless strap-on dildo, but she couldn't hold it in place (as she didn't have enough strength).

Would that sort of input be useful?

7

I'd like to see some more multisensory toys. Obviously users can mix and match, and many toys end up being un/intentionally multisensory - for example, noises as results of vibrations and many toys are visually appealing too. But it would be great to see more toys designed with just as much attention to the non-tactile senses.

There are products on the website that cater to the other senses, but many seem to be assessories rather than toys. I'm not sure how/if multisensory toys are makeable or even desireable. But I thought I'd throw the suggestion in.

8

Hi Sammi!

It may be a little late now but...

I am very prone to pressure sores (so much so that I have had to fork out on special mattresses to prevent this!) so laying on any flat surface for longer than five minutes during sex can cause me to become uncomfortable. Since we invested in a Liberator Wedge and Jaz Motion I haven't had as many sexual encounters that need to be stopped to cater for back pain. These enhancers have honestly been a lifesaver in our bedroom. It provides some much needed, firm support to my lower back and improves the angle of penetration at the same. It's a win win for us.

I think a toy mount will be next - hoping that will help out with weak wrists/joints as I've had great things from others about them.

It might be worth watching Erika Lynae's video on sex and disabilities as I believe she covered a multitude of disabilities and sex toys that work around them. She has some great ideas in there that I'd never have thought of!

9

Hi Sammi

Has this progressed at all? Being the husband to a sexy disabled wife I am interested in where this leads

10

Hey Sammi,

I've only just spotted this but have worked with companies in the past regarding sex toys and disabilities and coached a few people with disabilities on how to explore and expand their sex life.

Plus I have a bad back which can limit how I use some toys and even orgasm at times. If you still need help with this project let me know.

11
I love that you're doing this. I've got hypermobility in my joints and early hip arthritis so can see me needing things to help with positioning in the future.
12

Hey Sammi

Wish I'd seen this earlier... I volunteer with a brain injury charity, running and co-ordinating a support group. We 're a group that range in age from early 20's upwards - think our eldest member is in her 60's. We've often chatted about sex, but never as a full group - usually just a handful of people who have the nerve to ask a question....and it's often directed at me because...

I suffered a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage during sex - one so severe that I stopped breathing and died!! Mr Spider kept me alive resuscitating me several times before the paramedics arrived and took over. I had brain surgery to fix the ruptured artery and was in a coma for about 2 weeks. I joke about it now... how Mr. Spider let the paramedics in wearing nothing but a condom which was still clinging to his very limp penis! But deep down it's still a problem for us both. (as you can no doubt imagine)

Anyway...the bleed and brain surgery did quite a lot of damage to my brain and nervous system. I need a wheelchair to get around (cause my brain and legs don't speak), my legs are spastic, and I can't even turn over or sit up in bed without the monkey bar above my bed. I can't differentiate the sensations of hot and cold, I have no depth perception, my language skills can be very poor - as can my behavior - my response inhabitions are very confused, so I need someone who knows me well to be with me at all times. I have epilepsy too. So - all told, a bit of a mess, innit!

I had 7 years of neuro psychology to help me come to terms with the 'new me' that was born from the brain damage - to learn to like myself again - it was difficult, but I'm back now, after 10 years and almost enjoying life again. Life is still hard - sex is harder still. We are both working on making it less of a problem and more of a journey. It has been fun but is also still frustrating and lots of tears quite often, for both of us - learning to have confidence and enjoy sex again. For him - having a sometimes 'beached whale' to pleasure instead of the slim gymnastically abled girl and for me having a guy who if he's honest - really doesn't find me very desirable. But we love each other - and that love is the key.

We're saving to buy some liberator equipment as pillows really aren't doing the trick much of the time - we have heaps of pillows to prop parts of me up (it must be a hellish turn off for him that I have to use the monkey bar to even pull myself up and onto my side just to give him a blow job!) For 10 year we were virtually none active sexually - probably once every 3 or 4 months...but suddenly my body seems to have woken up sexually and I just can't get enough!

Toy wise I need quite powerful stuff coz of my nerve problem and the opiate drugs I need to keep my body behaving normally. I need toys with longer handles for solo play too, I find wands perfect in size for reaching myself....for smaller toys like one of my favs - lelo sona, I need pillows under my arms for support otherwise I can't stay in a comfortable position long enough to be able to come plus I'm in agony for hours after.

I'm not whinging here btw, or looking for sympathy. I'm writing this in the hope that anyone with a disability can see that there is a way to enjoy love. Sorry, it's so long, too. Feel free to email me, I could maybe, if you still need, get more info for you from members of our group.

13

OMG LadySpider - so sorry to hear of your ordeal and that you're still having difficulties. But so glad to hear that love really does conquer all. I hope my relationship endures like yours has. I hope some of your positivity rubs off on me, too.

I have a neurological condition similar to MS, so my nerves don't work down the right side of my body. Clitoral stimulation needs to be strong and pinpoint (my Tango is ideal for this), and I sometimes lose feeling inside my vagina completely (which is very weird when it happens).

I also have fibromyalgia and a form of arthritis in my hands and wrists.

I don't own a wedge or any supports and currently make do with pillows or support from my OH (lucky he's a strong guy as I'm no lightweight!). I think supports would probably make life easier for most disabled people, as well as a lot of able-bodied. I'd have loved some to make sex easier in adventurous (and non-adventurous) positions when I was fit and well.

I also agree that some toys are a bit short in use. Could LH come up with an extension "grab" that could be used with multiple vibrators?

I love reviews that cross-reference toys. Maybe LH could do a chart that could show "would also likes" so we could not buy something similar to what we have or waste money on toys that wouldn't hit the spot. I know your returns policy is second to none, but it's a pain for customer and LH to go through the procedure.

14

VR wrote:

OMG LadySpider - so sorry to hear of your ordeal and that you're still having difficulties. But so glad to hear that love really does conquer all. I hope my relationship endures like yours has. I hope some of your positivity rubs off on me, too.

I have a neurological condition similar to MS, so my nerves don't work down the right side of my body. Clitoral stimulation needs to be strong and pinpoint (my Tango is ideal for this), and I sometimes lose feeling inside my vagina completely (which is very weird when it happens).

I also have fibromyalgia and a form of arthritis in my hands and wrists.

I don't own a wedge or any supports and currently make do with pillows or support from my OH (lucky he's a strong guy as I'm no lightweight!). I think supports would probably make life easier for most disabled people, as well as a lot of able-bodied. I'd have loved some to make sex easier in adventurous (and non-adventurous) positions when I was fit and well.

I also agree that some toys are a bit short in use. Could LH come up with an extension "grab" that could be used with multiple vibrators?

I love reviews that cross-reference toys. Maybe LH could do a chart that could show "would also likes" so we could not buy something similar to what we have or waste money on toys that wouldn't hit the spot. I know your returns policy is second to none, but it's a pain for customer and LH to go through the procedure.

Hey VR

Sorry I've only now seen this! So sorry to hear about your problems... it's so difficult, isn't it? Thank you for you very kind and beautiful words... I'm not always so positive, I have days when I'm so low I can't get out of bed.

I think it would be a great idea for Lovehoney to do that - maybe also us disabled users should write stuff in our reviews about how we got on with the toy. I honestly don't think there is much advice or help with our sex lives once we become disabled... I was reading that some county councils will pay for sex workers to 'service' us - might be worth asking - as a treat eh? ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

15

Hi everyone, 

Thanks so much for all of your comments, suggestions, and stories - open discussions about disability and sexuality are few and far between, it seems, so it's brilliant to see such a varied and honest conversation!

We're currently working with the fantastic Enhance the UK on their magazine, Liability, which is run by a dynamic team of disabled women and covers loads of different topics, such as travel, shopping, sport, and - of course - sex. We currently suggest one disabled-friendly sex toy a month to their readers, based on our reviews, so all of your comments and sex toy tips are massively welcome!

Thanks, 

Sammi

16

I have a spinal injury, suffer with nerve damage, general back pain, fibromyalgia, arthritis and a few others too. So, yes it makes life difficult but you definitely have to be inventive and open minded when it comes to bedroom activities, because it’s not the same as before. It’s definitely a subject that seems quite taboo to some but I couldn’t agree more that we need to talk more about it.

No.1 - Bondage Items, you don’t need to be into bondage to benefit from using the restraint items. I don’t have the product number to hand but the one that goes around your neck and keeps your thighs in position is an absolute life saver. My arthritis is in my hips & knees, with my back problems to it means a lot of positions are out of the question but this ‘restraint’ allows you to relax into the position so takes the pressure off your hips & lower back which is a huge help

No.2 - G spot toys, as you can imagine with a bad back getting into position using a dildo during solo play isn’t always the comfiest of things and the last thing you want is to be in pain when trying to have a moment! So G spot toys are perfect, they help you hit the spot.. literally! So they remove any of the uncomfortableness and allow you to lie back and enjoy the moment

No.3 - Cock Rings!!! An absolute must for any couple with or without a disability. Especially if you are using the restraint and your OH’s on top and grinding against your clit feels amazing, so you need these in your toy collection

No.4 - Lingerie, the amount of women I speak to with disabilities (a range that are different to mine) who don’t feel confident or sexy because they’ve gained weight as it’s much harder to keep weight off when you can’t do normal excercises but just because your disabled doesn’t mean you can’t dress up! You get dressed everyday just like abled people so you can put lingerie on too! Your OH loves you regardless of your disability and I’ve learned personally that they certainly appreciate the lingerie you wear, so although you might not feel overly confident or sexy it’s time to put that brave face on and dress up for your OH!
I know for some it sounds easy but I know from my own experience it can take a lot of inner strength to get yourself to do this but I promise you will feel better for it and your confidence will grow the more you do this

No.5 LUBE LUBE & MORE LUBE! A MUST for anyone on any kind of Medication. I’m in my mid twenties yet I’m on over 30 tablets a day, even if you’re on 2 tablets a day, medication can really mess with libido & all sorts of things. I find that sometimes even though I’m really turned on It seems like I’m not, but I’ve spoke to my partner n luckily he understands so I think anyone should have lube of all kinds in their bedside table. Some people get embarrassed about this but please just explain to your OH the side effects of your medication & that it has nothing to do with them as a bruised ego is the last thing they need.

I hope this helps at least one person. I’ve been there & struggled with it myself & being totally honest I’m still experimenting with things. I think you have to put aside any past experience if you haven’t been disabled all your life. You have to try new things, use your own interpretation of how to use an item and be brave enough to just try, it can open up your sex life, give you renewed confidence & know that a disability won’t stop you from being fulfilled in the bedroom. So go for it! Be brave & have fun! ❤️

17

Hello and thanks for the information on the wedge. My OH has a list of ailments and bad back/joints and osteoporosis amongst them so this may be what we need and she will be able to use it as a support if sitting in bed.