This isn't probs the place but every girl I've been with has been boring... Won't let me try things and with my mind full of ideas etc and wanting to try toys etc, I've got a question
Just how did you get into toys/new things?
Also.... How can I find someone who is willing to try or got the experience without visiting a brothel (or somewhere along them lines)
Ford5forever wrote:
This isn't probs the place but every girl I've been with has been boring... Won't let me try things and with my mind full of ideas etc and wanting to try toys etc, I've got a question
Just how did you get into toys/new things?
Also.... How can I find someone who is willing to try or got the experience without visiting a brothel (or somewhere along them lines)
Take things slowly don't pressure the girl, get to know them as a person not a sex object.
+1 to this xxkittencub wrote:
Ford5forever wrote:
This isn't probs the place but every girl I've been with has been boring... Won't let me try things and with my mind full of ideas etc and wanting to try toys etc, I've got a question
Just how did you get into toys/new things?
Also.... How can I find someone who is willing to try or got the experience without visiting a brothel (or somewhere along them lines)
Take things slowly don't pressure the girl, get to know them as a person not a sex object.
I take things so, even let them take the pace bit still nothing ever comes of it.
Maybe, it's just I'm not finding the right person who has the same mind frame
Silly question, but do you try to have an open discussion at all with no pressure? And how long have you been with these people before you decide they are 'boring'?
Xx
That was going to be my question as well lovingnewtoys.
It sounds to me like you're going into these relationships with the wrong intentions. I think a lot of couples experiment together so that takes a lot of trust, patience (from both partners), and respect. You may find women who are ready to dive right in to more extreme or different things, but generally people need to be very comfortable with their partners. That's why a lot of us who are experimental make contracts with partners and have frank and open discussions regularly (even if the sex is casual) both of which can take months and/or years depending on the person. Respect them as people first, communicate your desires slowly, and you might be surprised.
I think it can definitely take time for lots of women to feel comfortable enough with someone to try knew things. Most of us need to have a level of trust that just doesn't happen over night. I would consider doing anything my current partner asked me to try, purely because I know if I decide halfway through it's not for me, he will stop at once and he won't be cross or disappointed, just happy we tried and we'll move on to something else.
Also bringing toys and stuff into the bedroom isn't for everyone, some women and men are never going to be into some things no matter how many times they're asked or how nicely they're asked.
Depending on what things you enjoy and what new things you'd like to try you could consider joining somewhere like Fetlife. Which in and of itself is not a dting site, but it can give you details of local munches (social gatheings for kinksters) where you would have a higher chance of meeting someone into toys and trying new things.
Do you ask them what they want to try? if you're giving all the ideas and suggestions, you might be asking them about things that a) they're not ready for/aren't comfortable enough with you yet or b) simply aren't into. I think their willingness can also be affected by how soon into a relationship you ask, how you ask the question and how often you're asking them, because they may feel pressured if it's too soon or you're persistent about it. Referring to them as "boring" because they won't try the things that you like probably isn't the best attitude to have either.
i got into toys with my ex/fwb. hes an equal freak. he'll say he wants to try things, me having an open mind and willing to try anything to determine if i like it or not, we do have good sex. it started off with him introducing a butt plug, then it lead into anal, and now we prefer anal over vag sex. it takes time to get this personal and private with someone because i am certain he would not want anyone to know his desires and wants like i know. same with him. its a mutual respect for each other and he asks if its ok and if it hurts too much etc.
its more than just finding someone who is willing to fill out your fantasies, it has to work on a deeper level too. and me and him arent in a romantic relationship so that should show you how respectful and how smart you have to be to handle things.
i cant suggest how to meet someone who is your equal freak. i just got lucky i guess. i suppose just gently probe to see if your gf likes things etc and if she doesnt, then do not pursue the subject, if shes not into it then do not force her. the point is respect and patience
good luck!
🐼
Some people aren't compatible with each other when it comes to sex, doesn't mean they are boring just different.
You havent mentioned how long you were seeing these women for. Some women need to build a relationship with someone before they introduce sex toys or something kinky. There are things I am happy to do with my OH but wouldn't consider doing with someone on a one night stand.
There may be a long list of things you want to try but my advice is to take it one step at a time and talk to your partner. So for example if you wanted to introduce sex toys start with something like a bullet that isn't intimidating, if they are happy with that, enjoy it etc then move up to a reasonably sized dildo and so on.
If there is something in particular you want to try, like anal, water sports, bondage do a search of the forums as many people have asked for advice on how to approach starting a conversation with their partner or tips for beginners etc.
What do you want to do?
I have always had long term girlfriends (longest 4 yrs) and yeah she enjoyed a few things but when we both become open and talk about what we wanted they would go shy after saying what they wanted etc...
Even when 1 did agree and buy the toys etc they backed out adn the toys were never seen again.
I know peoples minds are different etc, but looking on here it seems like everyone has a better time than me hahaha
Ford5forever wrote:
I have always had long term girlfriends (longest 4 yrs) and yeah she enjoyed a few things but when we both become open and talk about what we wanted they would go shy after saying what they wanted etc...
Even when 1 did agree and buy the toys etc they backed out adn the toys were never seen again.
I know peoples minds are different etc, but looking on here it seems like everyone has a better time than me hahaha
I would say it has probably taken many of us a long time to get to this point though. Don't understimate the hard work many people will have put in to making ther relationships sexually fulfilling.
Also sometimes no matter how long you've been with someone you will never be sexually compatible. I was with my ex for 10 years and we never got to the stage I'm at with my current partner who I've been with for 18 months. The reason is purely down to different levels of chemistry and compatibility. Two brains workin very much in the same way, instead of one person trying to accomodate things they just aren't into to.
It sounds to me like you just haven't met someone on the same page as you yet. And there is really no quick fix for finding that. None of us have a magical directory of women who magically want to do all the things you do.
Thanks for the replies.
I'll just have to see how my next partner is when I meet her.
Maybe slow things down and talk to her amd see what she wants rather than me all the time :)
My partner is the same- I recently bought a ball gag to try and spice things up- first thing he said was "I'm not wearing that!"- little did he know it was for me.
I think for girls (since I am a girl, I can't really talk for guys), it's mainly about comfort, everyone gets self conscious and sex is one of the most trusting and open things you can do with someone else. Introducing toys and different activities can be a big step for some. Maybe a couple of drinkies to loosen yourselves up and some dirty talk about what you want to do will help (I suspect you've already done this though!)
Everyone has their own pace and as several people have noted it has to do with compatibility and being open with your partner - as the BT ads used to say it's good to talk. Since meeting my good lady things have been very adventurous and exciting, importantly it's been a shared experience and largely unintended, we just happened to be both open minded and realised we wanted to try stuff. Being honest I didn't even realise how open I was to ideas until I met herr and I'm happy to admit she's taught me a hell of a lot about myself
Personally I think it's all about trust, open communication and both being happy to say no withhout the other being embarrassed.
Any hoo that my tuppence worth
Its taken me ten years and still I'm not really satisfied. But I'm willing to hang in there because she's my wife and I love her. Don't get me wrong, I've really really wanted to do all sorts. I've got boxes of new toys ready and waiting. She doesn't know because then it would be too much pressure. I do get days when I just want to pay for it but I never do. I must really love her. She's darn lucky. My new years resolution is to open up communications and present things differently. Dropping much more hints. I hate initiating but its not my wife's strong point. I must have bags of patience.
I have been with my partner for just over two years, we are getting married in a year, and I think it has taken until now for us to truly open up and be confident with each other sexually. At the beginning we had the wild sex every new couple does but then when that faded it took a while for us to talk about experimentation and new things. As the other guys have said, it takes time and being open, with no pressure, will surely help.Ford5forever wrote:
This isn't probs the place but every girl I've been with has been boring... Won't let me try things and with my mind full of ideas etc and wanting to try toys etc, I've got a question
Just how did you get into toys/new things?
Also.... How can I find someone who is willing to try or got the experience without visiting a brothel (or somewhere along them lines)
Honestly it depends on the person. My fellas ex wouldnt even give blowjobs no natter how much he wanted them and most of the time she just lie there while he did all the work. He was with her a good 8 years but now he has me and well I love giving him head even more now I know that he got to 26 without ever having a proper unprotected blowjob (she tried once but made him keep a condom on) so I love doing it even more now knowing how much he loves it.
I am more adventurous and dont just lie there so it makes a huge difference.
This is a really great post. Chemistry makes such a difference, it's all about the connection with your partner and sometimes it just doesn't work. Keep trying though, when it happens it is all worthwhile.LadyS wrote:
Ford5forever wrote:
I have always had long term girlfriends (longest 4 yrs) and yeah she enjoyed a few things but when we both become open and talk about what we wanted they would go shy after saying what they wanted etc...
Even when 1 did agree and buy the toys etc they backed out adn the toys were never seen again.
I know peoples minds are different etc, but looking on here it seems like everyone has a better time than me hahahaI would say it has probably taken many of us a long time to get to this point though. Don't understimate the hard work many people will have put in to making ther relationships sexually fulfilling.
Also sometimes no matter how long you've been with someone you will never be sexually compatible. I was with my ex for 10 years and we never got to the stage I'm at with my current partner who I've been with for 18 months. The reason is purely down to different levels of chemistry and compatibility. Two brains workin very much in the same way, instead of one person trying to accomodate things they just aren't into to.
It sounds to me like you just haven't met someone on the same page as you yet. And there is really no quick fix for finding that. None of us have a magical directory of women who magically want to do all the things you do.