So, I’ve been with my amazing wife for 16 years, married 14. We have 2 twin daughters who are 3. Sex used to be amazing and my wife would regularly wear lingerie for me and for her. But since the children sex has taken a hit and the wife’s body isn’t what it used to be. Not that I’m complaining, she perfect for me in every way. But for herself her body confidence has taken a massive hit. How would I go about to try and help her become more comfortable with herself. I regularly compliment her and often buy lingerie but she’ss not keen anymore. Any suggestions to genealogy me help her?
*genuinely not geneaology.
Hello,
unfortunately I don't really have a suggestion as you seem to be doing the right things but it is her brain which is not easy to change. Perhaps take the pressure off, don't think about sex, think more about mental relaxation so things such as a movie night, or a massage that doesn't lead to sex, maybe even run her a candle lit bath?
I am bumping this thread as there are a lot of friendly, helpful people on here who may be able to assist you better.
I hope that things start to look up but bare in mind that it may take some time, all the best.
KinkyMinxMoo wrote:
Hello,
unfortunately I don't really have a suggestion as you seem to be doing the right things but it is her brain which is not easy to change. Perhaps take the pressure off, don't think about sex, think more about mental relaxation so things such as a movie night, or a massage that doesn't lead to sex, maybe even run her a candle lit bath?
I am bumping this thread as there are a lot of friendly, helpful people on here who may be able to assist you better.
I hope that things start to look up but bare in mind that it may take some time, all the best.
KinkyMinxMoo has hit the nail on the head and I have hit this very same issues, married 26 years 3 kids, man everything gets in the way these days and when I sat down with my OH and really stripped it all back, having the kids really was only a small part of it.
So slow it down take a step back look at every aspect of the daily routine, you have to fix the every day things first, when you have 1 on 1 time it has to feel safe, never rushed mutually appreciated, and yes it should not always end up with penetration.
A simple massage with lots of compliments as you touch her body, lots of kissing especially all those perfect imperfections if you understand me, my OH really hit it home for me when she said... if it's not working outside the bedroom.... it's not working in the bedroom, I fully understood that.
after a few months of corrective actions both our views are so much more positive and I can report great advancements in the bedroom even to the point that we have re-introduced a toy or 2 my OH is super sexy to me and now she absolutely knows and accepts it.
Yeah I agree with the other posts, you need to focus away from the bedroom first. Also three year old twins! She is going to be exhausted, obviously I know you will be also but that's going to be tough going and really draining emotionally at times! I have a nearly two year old and a nearly three year old and while it's rewarding it's emotionally and physically draining a lot of the time and you lose yourself and you become just a mum! And as great as that is being someones mum as having kids is the most rewarding tbing ever it is it's also important to have your own identity. Its really important that she is not just a mum but her own person also! Maybe you could suggest you have the kids while she goes off for a spa day or a regular hobby she used to do previously. Also help with housework and take the load of with the kids I'm not saying you don't but I just know I would find that working together and not doing it all attractive! I have put on nearly three stone since having my kids and I'm also a single mum so looking after myself isn't really taking priority and I was feeling really fat and unattractive and like I don't recognize myself in the mirror and it's a horrible feeling and I will be honest I don't think any amount of anyone telling me I look ok would make me believe it because I don't for myself and I still don't like how I look and it still gets me down but the pressure I put on myself is getting less and the reason for that is I have started to follow people's advice I need to put myself first also and make time to be someone other than 'mum' and ironically whatever I do I still think and talk about my kids constantly but I try and do stuff that I wouldn't with them, so watch a film, I have been bingo a couple of times ( such a laugh) I have been on some spa days and I am starting to feel like I am two people, me and a mum and since feeling like that my need to lose weight is getting less and I'm starting to be ok with who is looking back at me in the mirror. I think you need to take it one step at a time and if you can spend some time together non sexual but away from the kids as this is so important and not something I ever did! Go for meals out if you can get a babysitter, a walk of you both aren't too shattered and hopefully the sex.will return and follow in time but body confidence from my experience isn't just physical it's mental also and learning to accept a new you looking back. Also hugs, kisses, telling her you love her, telling her what a great mum she is and partner, complimenting on what she does, all of these are so important to making someone feel special and loved and that is key. I wish you all the best
It seems to be a common issue with women, as a male of a certain age, i just accept what the years/life has done to my body. Women don`t seem to be able to accept this so easily. I compliment my wife, and love her body. The sexiest turn on for most men, is a woman confident in her body, and willing to use it. If only women could mentally accept that their partners love them and their bodies no matter what, and run with it. t`s a state of mind!
Thank you all for the reply’s and help. I will certainly start applying my efforts outside of the bedroom. As yes, we basically live like two separate people in the same house with kids together. “The grass is greener when you water it”
Before me and C met she was totally insecureď about her appearance.
I started complimenting her. To me she is perfect. Started buying her lingerie that she admitted she wouldnt even have picked for herself. Holding and feeling her curves when we are in bed and having sex
I would definitely start by helping out as much as you possibly can at home- meal plan/meal prep/washing/ ironing/making sure the car is filled up with petrol when it’s needed etc. All the ‘small’ things really add up for me. Just the other night I was putting our youngest to bed and my husband said ‘oh I’ll go to bed then’ 🤯 so I asked him to put some washing away and he did! It meant the world to me
I’d love a lie in or an afternoon to have tea and read a book. Not likely with the shift patterns my husband works but it’s worth a try! All the things that would help her relax and feel more valued will definitely help :)