Me and my OH have talked about try anal for a while and have done once, she didn't enjoy it much but says she still wants to try. I have brought a number of butt plugs and anal lube to try, but she wont try them but keeps assuring me she will.
I can I convince her to try the new toys, or at least tell me she doesn't want to try anal
I would leave the subject alone for a while. It's possible that she's feeling pressured to try anal at the moment and it's putting her off. She may be inclined to use the plugs and lube on her own time when she feels ready, but if they are still untouched in a couple of months time (without you bringing them up at all) I'd guess that she's not interested in doing so but doesn't want to hurt your feelings as she knows it's something you're interested in.
Okay thanks NatandTom I'll take your advice and not push the subject anymore.
However, I would like to think me and my partner have good communication between each other, and I would think if she doesn't want to try this, that she would just discuss it with me
Okay thanks NatandTom I'll take your advice and not push the subject anymore.
However, I would like to think me and my partner have good communication between each other, and I would think if she doesn't want to try this, that she would just discuss it with me
Sometimes I think there is a need to be less convincing and more accepting - accepting that perhaps this isn't something she wants to explore, even if it's something you want to explore.
As much as you would love to try more anal with your partner, it sounds to me that she isn't really into it, especially as you say she didn't enjoy it the first time.
If it's something she wants to do, she will peruse the butt plugs and lube in her own time. I agree with NatandTom to leave it for a bit. If it's something she wants to take further with you, I am sure she will let you know.
Lovehoney - Rebecca wrote:
Sometimes I think there is a need to be less convincing and more accepting - accepting that perhaps this isn't something she wants to explore, even if it's something you want to explore.
As much as you would love to try more anal with your partner, it sounds to me that she isn't really into it, especially as you say she didn't enjoy it the first time.
If it's something she wants to do, she will peruse the butt plugs and lube in her own time. I agree with NatandTom to leave it for a bit. If it's something she wants to take further with you, I am sure she will let you know.
+1
I think if she feels pressured she may go off the idea all together. You cant really convince someone to try something that they're not keen on. I'd respect her boundaries on this, who knows one day she may decided she'd like to try again..... but if she dosen't, then thats her decision xx
Terri JJ wrote:
Lovehoney - Rebecca wrote:
Sometimes I think there is a need to be less convincing and more accepting - accepting that perhaps this isn't something she wants to explore, even if it's something you want to explore.
As much as you would love to try more anal with your partner, it sounds to me that she isn't really into it, especially as you say she didn't enjoy it the first time.
If it's something she wants to do, she will peruse the butt plugs and lube in her own time. I agree with NatandTom to leave it for a bit. If it's something she wants to take further with you, I am sure she will let you know.
+1
I think if she feels pressured she may go off the idea all together. You cant really convince someone to try something that they're not keen on. I'd respect her boundaries on this, who knows one day she may decided she'd like to try again..... but if she dosen't, then thats her decision xx
And another +1 here.
KingLightSkin9517 wrote:
Okay thanks NatandTom I'll take your advice and not push the subject anymore.
However, I would like to think me and my partner have good communication between each other, and I would think if she doesn't want to try this, that she would just discuss it with me
I think we'd all like to think that. I don't doubt that you have good communication but it's not uncommon for one party to hold back on something because they know their partner is really interested in it and they don't want to disappoint. She could still be getting over the not-so-good experience too, so giving her time is probably your best bet.
There is a danger when enthusiasm and excitement to try something new is strong, that the buildup becomes the problem. I have always found that the best way to start introducing anal play is to do so casually and in conjunction with other activities. For example, my partner is always game for me using fingers or a slender toy on her while I'm giving her some cunnilingus. Similarly she is more likely to enjoy things in the heat of passion than after a sober talk and warm up.
When your ready to get a little more involved then performance pressure isn't so big since you've already been there. Certainly many anal games cannot just be done casually, particularly if you want to use large toys or if the man is particularly well endowed but asking a beginner to get serious about anal isn't usually well received. Build up to it doing things that are less intrusive and disruptive, once she has a taste for it, then you can get a bit more extreme.
Some great advice here. Definitely leave the ball in her court now. She knows you're interested and if she warms to it she'll let you know.
Besides, it's no fun if only one of you is enjoying something like this.
I have no problem with her not wanting to try if that's her decide I will fully accept that, I just find it frustrating as it's something I would like to explore, and she tell me that she wants too, but I will leave the subject until she brings it up and come to a decision
Thank you everyone for the fantastic advice, I take all into account and try to act on everyone's point to make us both happy
Yep I get you, hubby has wanted to try for years but after a few failed attempts (he's huge) my friend was telling me about her and her hubby and how they absolutely love anal sex and how we needed to start small so I ordered some butt plugs and beads and used them myself before letting him use them on me... We're enjoying that and getting ready for trying again. He's never pestered me about it though and I made that decision myself and for the toys etc.
I would let her mull it over and if she's into it she will let you know.
I also know what you mean about the communication but it could be she feels shy about it so for now see if she comes to you to chat about it 😀
One thing you can't do is convince someone to try something. It may be something she does want to do but just isn't quite ready yet. Like my husband wants to be pegged but I'm just not there yet. It's never been mentioned by him again which is such a relief for me as I would feel very pressurised. Just let it settle a while.
Perhaps I use the wrong word "convince" I don't want her to feel pressured which is why I plan to drop the subject till she decide, i completely respect her and want her to be uncomfortable, and I am on the large side which is why I believe she didn't enjoy the first try so much, that's why we have brought the toys for us to try together or for herto play with alone, so that we can ease into the idea
*don't want her to be uncomfortable
What I suggest is this. Give her a long, slow back massage, starting at the shoulders and working your way down. Do not think of this as being the route to anal. Make her relax, really take your time, shoulders to back and (I cannot say slowly often enough) work towards her bottom. Massage her cheeks and then work your fingers around her sensitive areas. Get her used to feeling how amazing those areas can feel. You do not have to do anything the first time, or even second or third time. If she is relaxed you can end up having 'normal' lazy dog sex in this position. You can stimulate her digitally, not necessarily even with penetration. Do this a few times and you can gradually go further if you are both relaxed enough. Try this. If you are both still not ready she will have had a relaxing massage and no awful experience. Just a thought. Worked for us.
With any sexual act I think if someone really isn't interested that should be enough for you to drop the subject. I understand it's a fantasy for yourself but with anyone having a bad first experience it will always have a slightly negative vibe to even talk about. My last partner was really into pegging and I really didn't ever feel I wanted to try it but she kept trying which pushed me far far away.
I would suggest to just leave the subject for now until she possibly asks again, and if she does then do a little finger play or try a little rimming to make sure she's comfy with you being near that area. Respect if key in a relationship, and if your both wanting to try something you will have a better experience overall. Also with anal it involves a lot of relaxation, especially at first and you could cause a tear or other issues if she doesn't feel ready or has enough lube so be safe and take it extremely easy in the first stages.
If you have to convince someone it's pressuring and not cool.
My ex did this and he's now an ex for a reason