Hello all I'm new here and having surfed the board I see there's lots of posts regarding crossdressing, I have been a crossdresser for many yrs in secret and was very active in my pursuit of doing so, to be clear, yes I get turned on by doing so and in my earlier years I was pretty much only about underwear but as time rolled on I became more attracted to full dressing, ultimately by the time I was in my 20's I had a massive wardrobe, consisting of every type of clothing from a simple pair of cotton Panties and Leggings to full blown cocktail outfits. In short it became my second biggest hobby, I genuinely enjoyed the process of getting ready with a full make over, hair, nails, everything was fun... And very sensual... So what's my point? I purged everything when I got married simply because I mistakingly pigeon holed myself as a type if that makes sense? My other hobbies /pursuits /work environment are very guy orientated and I felt when I met my wife to be I had to fall in to line with that. Recently I had a poignant birthday and I have come to realise I made a big mistake, crossdressing is as much a part of me as my other interests and I bitterly miss it to a degree it makes me filled unfulfilled and frustrated, I have sort of mentioned it to my wife, we have a very varied sex life with much role play and dressing up (only in our own clothes unfortunately) she found the idea funny and said she would burst out laughing if she ever came home and caught me in her clothes...... I have recently purchased a few things for wife from here with a couple of extra items she won't get to wear! But I know that a couple of pairs of Panties isn't enough for me, soon I'll want heels, false nails and all the other fun stuff. I know this is a long boring post but I'm not sure what to do, I could secretly continue to build a stash of clothes but It feels like I'm being dishonest by hiding it, although I guess In a sense iv been dishonest from the start of my relationship with my wife by not telling her so maybe it's a case of reaping what you sow? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated and thank you for reading me.
You mentioned purging your CD items due to own fears, then back this up with how “guy orientated” the rest of your life is- firstly I want you to know there’s no shame or embarrassment to be had in any hobby (unless that’s your kink of course. :p ). You felt you had to become more of a male stereotype because you found the love of your life ? I like to think such a person loves us for who we are, and would want us happy. That’s not to say she may not giggle if/when you pursue this- my partner’s a sissy and I definitely found it a strange sight to see his usually masculine presentation to be lacey and frilly; it was only after seeing how happy it made him, how confident he became, and realising how much more there was for us to explore sexually and romantically/emotionally with this play that it clicked for me: “It’s not just my man in women’s clothing, it’s so much more than that”. I can’t believe for a second that every couple agrees with everything about the other- we make compromises, we grow and change as people. Has she ever wanted to do something that you didn’t agree with or thought was silly ? Could be time to have a conversation about what both of you really want (that sounds spooky, right ? But include other things like “I want to try surfing next year !” Or “I want to start having film nights with you”, etc.). Given the emotional strain it’s taking on you, I think you really need to slowly go back to your happiness- but carefully. Be open, honest, and slow. And be prepared to take a laugh. Also be prepared to do some things for her you might not have considered before- maybe she’s got urges she hasn’t told you about because she’s not sure how you’d react ? Above all, communication is important and so is each other’s happiness. She loves you, you love her. Despite how scary it might seem now, with time and effort everything will work out just fine. Baby steps and determination. :)
I think personally you need to be open and start doing this for yourself otherwise it could end up becoming resentful that this part isn't there but understand it probably was a shock for your wife and understandably an unknown or possibly taboo area at first in which definite compromise and a slow gradual increase of areas. Maybe small things at first such as painting nails etc or a pair of woman's undies on etc
Hi anywhichwayucan I also really like to cross dress I’ve never told anyone apart from chatting on the forums hear which has been quite refreshing I personally like dressing in lingerie stockings heels etc I have also advanced to a couple of tight dresses ,like you I keep it to myself I can’t think many people would understand never tried the full makeup wig nails etc but would one day like to ,just started taking a few pictures which has been quite liberating. Like yourself I also like a lot guy oriented stuff just the cross dressing is a different side of me which has become much stronger the older I get . Can’t really offer any advice as in a similar position to yourself.
You could go the whole hog, and tell her you need to talk, and sit down quietly with her and say that there's something you need to tell her - you'll know which way feels best.
Giid luck with it. I hope you can come clean, and that she takes it well. I hope you can both have a lot of fun with it. You could be opening up a whole new world together.
I wouldn't let her laughing put you off bringing it up again. I think a lot of people laugh when they're caught off-guard by an unusual idea but often just need a bit of time to become accustomed to it, and then maybe a bit longer again to realise its full potential. There's a good chance she didn't realise she was being insensitive.
There are a few ways you could surreptitiously advance the conversation without revealing too much. Here's a couple but I'm sure you can think of others.
People like to read snippets from the forum to their partners about what other fun stuff members get up to and that has led to them trying new stuff themselves. And even if you don't try everything you read it certainly opens your mind up to what's possible, and reading about so many other people finding it pleasurable takes a lot of the stigma away from the things that have yet to make it into the mainstream (pegging, for instance).
I mentioned the other day that Mrs Chimp likes seeing me in her lacy knickers, and that's more her thing than mine. I've read on here that quite a few other people like to see their male partners in a bit of lace too, so that could be a way in. Start simple, and if it goes well add a little something else.
At some point you'd have to tell her how much you like it, but you don't have to do it all at once.
Hope this helps