I don't know what to do but lately the weight of reality is just drowning me. I hope no one is offended about this thread but I almost feel pike I just need to open up about my situation just to at lease Ease myself somehow. I know that most of the lovehoney lovelies on this site are from the UK so ky situation may be really wierd or absurd to a lot of you. I really don't have much knowledge of the UK. But I'm a US citizen and my situation pertains to that.
I've known the love of my life since 1st grade. We've been friend's through childhood. We've gone through life together. When he turned 17 he had learned that he was brought into the US illegally when he was a baby and the man who he thought was his father was actually his step father. He was able to go to school but after graduation and the beginning of our relationship we learned that was all he was allowed to do.
We've lived through so much hate from him being an immigrant. We've tried for 5 years now, a child later and even after marriage and we have not gotten any further in our case for him to at least be given the right to work.
We live roughly. I'm working two jobs with never a day off. He takes horrible jobs the only ones he's offered for luttle pay. He lives through such harsh work just so we can afford a day to day life.
Lately I've just grown so sad and worn out that I'm afraid I'm headed back into depression. I had first been diagnosed with depression when I was 9 years old. My mother had found me self harming. I've done horrible thing's in my past that make me afraid of who I once was. Most of my life was spent in therapy. It's taken so much to build myself up to who I am now. An I just feel that I'm no good even now as I rush from one job to the other because my family is suffering.
I was married on monday. At the court. After driving home with my husband we dressed out I'd our dress attire and went straight back to work. It may be petty but it hurt so much that I was not even able to enjoy our marriage night with him. I feel as though I'm getting more fragile as the days pass.
Thank you for letting me vent. Maybe I just wanted to share our story so far I guess.
Thank you for sharing you vent I hoped it helped.
Take a hold of what you got its more than most have. Yes life is hard I work two jobs and my husband works 11hour days and he only gets ten weekends of a year.
So time is precious I'm sure you will get a break in life until then let's keep going.
Have you heard the saying!
The glass in half full or half empty?
Remember the glass is always refillable x
That took courage to get that out, so thanks for sharing. I can relate to the depression, I've been there a few times and am there right now. You have to push through it some how. Sounds like you're drowning a bit under so much pressure with work, and little time for the good things in life.
Have you got no friends or family members you could lean on for some support?, I don't think you're coping too well and that's worrying!
Is there no charity's you could turn to for help financially to prop you up for a while, so it would take some pressure off you?
I'm so sorry that your one special night was taken over by work again! Please take care of yourself, and don't do anything silly. Been there too! x
Thank you both for your kind words. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. I don't really have any family members on my side I speak too. I haven't had a good relationship with my mother since she strangled my sister. His side has helped as much as they can but they suffer greatly as well. We actually live in a storage shack behind their house. They had fixed it up a bit to house us since we would have had no where else to go. It's actually really nice having that since most of our finances go straight to the government since because of all the legal work we have to get through. Plus whatever remains goes straight to raising our daughter and helping with bills as much as possible.
I guess I'm just nervous. I'm so scarred that all of this will turn in a bad way and we will loose him to deportation. I'm so afraid of him being sent to a place where he has no knowledge of or anywhere safe to stay.
I'm so hoping that he's allowed to stay right where he is now. It's a great deal of stress for you both. You should be really proud of yourselves for holding your little family together. A lot of people don't like talking about depression, everyone's far happier talking to happy smily folk most of the time. I know what it's like, and it's tough going.
But you've come this far, so give yourselves some credit where credit is due. Keep fighting the fight. Stay away from the dark place, it's not a place I want to return to! x
I have a american friend going through the process of filling the forms for the right to work for her new husband. The system sounds like a nightmare! If you are brought in as a baby and have been in the country for 10 years then surely it would be easier for everyone if they just gave you full citazenship? Its barely any differnt to being born there. I dont know how the UK system works but I assume its just as bad.
Its good to vent and get things out on here, helps get you through the day and keep fighting. Like other people have said, you are doing really well to come as far as you have.
I would think so too but we've orginally filed YEARS ago for his right to work. He has been here since he was one year old and has done all his schooling here. Yet they just got back to us a month or so ago saying we didn't have enough evidence sent in and his case may be dropped. This is after thousands of dollars worth of paperwork too. We've sent in everything he has ever had in his name. It's an absolute nightmare. We were looking to get a lawyer but the cheapest good one in our area charges near $10,000, at least $300 a week. We couldn't even have that kind of money of we save for 5 years
I am really sorry about your situation. I understand he was illegally brought to the country, but he has lived there for basically all his life. I find it as a nightmare, that he now cannot work legally and help to support the family. I would think, that since he was allowed to marry, that there must be something, which can be done.
I can really imagine that all this is putting you under a huge stress. I am wondering, is there a chance that you can see a professional help to cope with the situation? I do not know in the US, but sometimes charities have a professional councilor, who could be seen about mental problems free of charge. Just having someone to talk to may help.
And it is not good, that you do not have any support from your family, but if your mother did, what you said, I do not think you are missing that much there. I doubt she would be very supportive, but I may be wrong.
Fingers crossed that it gets sorted for you!
I'd suggest contacting a charity like turn2us or citizens advice for some help. You might be able to get some benefits that could ease your financial situation (if you have a child you could be getting things like child benefit, tax credit, milk tokens and food vouchers as well). Also see if there are any migrant charities that could help you.
https://www.turn2us.org.uk
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk
Don't be scared to go to your GP for help with your mental health and make use of free helplines like breathing space or samaritans.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you both. I've found one charity close to me I just have to wait for a day we both are free from working. A day off is hard to come by for us at the moment. And it's still a bit of a travel away so I would not be able to send him off on his own since he can not drive legally and is unable to get a licence until he is approved by the government for citizenship. 😧
Honestly I wake up every morning hoping that somehow they just decided that we have suffered enough and let him pass. I'm praying come tax return season we actually get money back to help pay for a lawyer but I've heard that money can be taken from us since I've married him. I feel as though this process has had more turns for the worse than better.
If I can finally see the day this man can freely be whatever he wants and accomplish whatever he want then that will be more than enough for me.
I want him to have the ability to look after our child with no struggles if anything were to happen to me in the future. I just want some peace of mind.
Its crazy to have to fight so hard to allow him to work, contribute to the economy and pay taxes.
You will get there though, just have to keep jumping through the ever changing and seemingly endless hoops.