Imogen wrote:
Hope you and your gf have a nice time together ShaftMaster :)
Thanks, I'm sure we will.
ShaftMaster wrote: You say that you want to finish your degree in order to have better prospects in the future, so are you studying law because it has better prospects, or because you enjoy it? I know people who have degrees, and have then gone on to vastly different careers.
ShaftMaster wrote: I think this time of year is hard for everyone. As a postgrad I don't have exams, I'm just working on my dissertation. Despite this, I'm still finding it hard as my relationship has been nearly two years long distance and is getting a bit shaky, and as a dissertation is all your own work without timetabled seminars, I do find it lonely as I don't get to see people or socialise enough, which both make me feel lonely, which thanks to my teenage years isn't something I'm the best at coping with.
Something that is made harder as even thought I do not have any exams, they have taken over the sports hall, and all clubs have effectively had to end the year early. Even socials aren't happening as people are either revising, or go home as soon as their exams are finished.
Luckily I'll be heading home to see my gf this week though, so remember that you're not the only one finding things hard, and in need of some company
I do enjoy some aspects of my degree, such as the family/human rights modules, although most of the time I feel as though I am only carrying on with the degree because of the prospects.
I know that I only have a year left at university and next summer I have a 3-week work placement at a good family law firm, which may hopefully lead me to a private-client training contract after my LPC (because I wouldn't want to train in commercial law).
I know what you mean about feeling lonley. It's comforting to know other people feel the same.
I managed to speak to my parents today and they don't seem too bothered about me going home! They just mentioned that I am spending a lot of money. I also had my brother over for dinner today, and he is going to lend me some money to buy a train ticket. Once I am at home I will be able to access some of my savings.
Thank you for your help.
MissAnonD wrote:
Thank you for your help.
You're welcome. Hope things start getting better for you. 
Imogen wrote:
However I would really say that after these exams are over you should maybe think about looking into a better way of dealing with this problem in the long term, because you don't want to end up like this every time you have exams (I say this because I'm currently going through something which sounds very similar myself).
Thanks for the advice. I am certainly interested in finding professional help, because this whole situation has made me realise that there are certain thoughts about my life and my future that I need to deal with, before they consume me entirely and make me jeapordise my relationships with my OH and family.
...I struggled on through those exams, breaking down into tears on a regular basis, lying awake at night feeling like my heart was going to pound out of my chest and generally feeling horrendous because I was hardly even able to make myself eat anything. I got extremely clingy with my partner, like you've described. I couldn't bear him being out of the house, but of course he had to carry on with his life, college etc and he couldn't stay home with me all the time, so I just sat at home and got myself in a more and more panicky state.
What you have described is exactly how I feel. I have lost a lot of weight in the past few weeks, which is making me feel ill and is really affecting my energy levels. I feel as though I am becoming so clingly and dependant on my partner. I had a quick conversation about it with him last night, and he reafirmed that he is here for me no matter what. I think he understands that this is a short period of stress, and that I will be able to get professional help once exams are over.
Does your university have a counselling service?
The main advice I was given there was that I needed to find things in other aspects of my life that would be fulfilling, outside of my academic achievements. I don't know if you're anything like me in this regard, but sometimes my university work can become all consuming and I forget to look after my mental well-being, have some fun and stuff.
My university does have a counselling service, although the waiting list for face-to-face councelling is very long so I am using the email-counselling system, but I don't feel as though it is helping. I am hoping to register with a counselling service in my hometown for the summer so that I can try to improve my thought processes before I start back at university in September.
Just know that you are not alone in this, there are plenty of other people experiencing the same things you are, and there are people out there who can help :) I hope all goes well with your exams and that you can find a solution to your problems!
Thank you so much for your help. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone and that I have people online to talk to!
Hi
One of the reasons I'm having to stay around at home instead of getting on with my transition is because my son developed serious mental health problems due to exam stress, overwork and wanting a first at all costs. He's had 6 years out and only just gone back so my advice would be:
Take it seriously and get professional help
Make sure you talk to your tutors about the problems you are having. If you've seen a doctor and it looks like you have if you're on beta blockers then the uni have to make reasonable adjustments to allow you to complete your degree.
Ask if they have a mentoring service. They aren't just for students who struggle because they can't do the work to a high enough standard but are more often engaged with students who are working too hard or setting themselves challenging targets
See if you can talk to people in the sector you want to work in. You may find that getting a first isn't the most desirable thing but the capacity to be professional and not burn out. I work in health and social care and a colleague got a senior position despite having a 3rd
Talk to your friends about the problems you are having but don't look to them for counselling
Remember we are here and offload to us. Good luck and do let us know how you get on. I and it seems lots of others wish you the very best in your studies and your life.
Love and hugs,
Nell
peaklandnell wrote:
Hi
One of the reasons I'm having to stay around at home instead of getting on with my transition is because my son developed serious mental health problems due to exam stress, overwork and wanting a first at all costs. He's had 6 years out and only just gone back so my advice would be:
Take it seriously and get professional help
Make sure you talk to your tutors about the problems you are having. If you've seen a doctor and it looks like you have if you're on beta blockers then the uni have to make reasonable adjustments to allow you to complete your degree.
Ask if they have a mentoring service. They aren't just for students who struggle because they can't do the work to a high enough standard but are more often engaged with students who are working too hard or setting themselves challenging targets
See if you can talk to people in the sector you want to work in. You may find that getting a first isn't the most desirable thing but the capacity to be professional and not burn out. I work in health and social care and a colleague got a senior position despite having a 3rd
Talk to your friends about the problems you are having but don't look to them for counselling
Remember we are here and offload to us. Good luck and do let us know how you get on. I and it seems lots of others wish you the very best in your studies and your life.
Love and hugs,
Nell
Thanks Nell. How would you suggest I get professional help? Should go to a GP and then get a referal to some kind of psychiatrist?
I feel as though I am looking to my friends for counselling at the moment, which I know isn't a good idea. I understand that they all have exams as well, and that they are busy all day with their partners and revising at night time. I struggle to revise in the evenings (because I'm more of a daytime reviser) so our schedules are quite incompatible, which makes me feel stressed and lonely because I feel as though people don't have time for me.
I am thinking about going to a friend's house to revise today, although I'm trying to refrain because I don't really have the money to get the bus there.
Thanks for all of your support, I'm sure I will be on here tonight or tomorrow, so I'll let you know how my day goes. x
your university will have a counselling service which may be quicker than the GP. it's worth a try and they may be able to work with each other.
i've had counselling at university (undergrad) and the offer of cognitive behavioural therapy (at post grad)
remember to work with your revision schedule that works with you, and schedule regular breaks. 10 to 15 mins for every hour or so.
remember if your uni offers it there's also nightline if you feel the need to talk to someone directly ( it's a phone service run by students for students a bit like samaritains http://nightline.ac.uk/ )
MissAnonD wrote:
I am thinking about going to a friend's house to revise today, although I'm trying to refrain because I don't really have the money to get the bus there.
How far away does your friend live? Maybe going for a walk, getting some exercise and fresh air might actually help?
ShaftMaster's idea of getting outside for some exercise and air is definitely a good one. During this year's exams that was something I tried, even if it was just once a day for fifteen minutes, and I really think it helped me calm down a little.
Miss Anon D
My wife works at a University, they are accustomed to dealing with students problems so I would speak to them as well as any other professionals. You are certainly not alone in the situation you are in many students have the same feelings/fears/ anxieties.
Thank you everyone! I didn't go to my friend's house today because I didn't want to get the bus and it is too far for me to walk.
I should have gone for a walk today, but I was really productive with revision so didn't find the time. I will go for a walk around the lakes tomorrow, if it isn't raining!
sweetlove666: I have considered Nightline, although I mainly feel panicky in the daytime so I don't always feel the need for nightline.
I have emailed my Dean of Students to confirm that I am taking one of my exams in September, and also asked her how I go about arranging/getting a referral for CBT.
I will hopefully recieved an email back tomorrow, so I will keep you all informed. Thanks again for your support, it has really got me through the last couple of days xx
Hi again,
I don't really know why I'm posting on here today. I'm feeling much more positive about things but don't really have a lot else to say!
Revision went well today and I went for a lovely long walk around the lakes. Thank you to everyone that advised me to go for a walk! It wasn't until today that I realised I hadn't left my flat since Sunday. I felt so much more positive after my walk. I felt like I was taking control of my life and my health again. I have lost a dramatic amount of weight over the past 2/3 weeks, but the walk made me hungry enough to want to cook a nice dinner!
I just need to get through tomorrow and my exam on Friday and then I can head home to see my OH :) xx
sounds good - freh air can change your perspective so that's awesome.
Eat well and good luck for the exam! :)
Exams are tough, but they're important and so don't worry so much about about the money (you can pay it back when you get your job), don't worry about your parents (trust me, they'll understand) and think about how you can best manage revision and your own mental state effectively.
Are you in a good enough state to sit them? Would it be best to come back in a year when you've sorted out the anxiety and depression? Or is this all exam related and likely to come back if you try again next year?
Firstly, ensure that the examiners know that you are struggling from both anxiety and depression. They'll make allowences because of this and so, hopefully, you'll walk out with the classification you want.
Secondly, just push through. This isn't a permanent solution to your depression or anxiety, but you might be able to ignore it for a bit whilst you're sitting exams. Oddly, keeping busy can make you feel better.
I think that revision demands a certain level of intensity: you can cram quite a lot into your brain if you're focussed and concentrate well (easier said than done when depressed, but just try...) So be super-organized: get into a routine (get up at the same time, work in the same place, eat meals at the same time, go to bed at the same time, work at the same time) and just push through it. I don't know how long you've been revising for: I think you can do two months at full pace (as in, seven days a week) but that's if you're in great mental shape (as in, not depressed) but you'll definitely burn out by the end... If you're already depressed, maybe do five or six days per week and take a day of rest on Sunday or something. In any case, I don't think that you can work for more than six or eight hours per day (at least, not effectively). And when you're not working, you should be relaxing effectively. Stay away from alcohol: it won't help you. Tea always makes me feel better :) (preferably a lapsang). You know how you're feeling though: do what's best for you. In any case, work effectively and be meticulously organized. Plan the revision that you need to do, plan for breaks and make sure you rest, exercise and keep healthy and keep well fed, well hydrated and not excessively caffeinated as best you can. This is important because as well as ensuring you cover everything, you'll ensure that your brain is well looked after (it needs sleep, breaks and good nutrition to work well). Anxiety and depression can make your irritable and distracted by minor things: go somewhere where you won't be distracted (home, if you think that's best, or a library) and get ear-plugs if noise bothers you. I recommend staying off Facebook for a bit... Just ensure that you get the work done.
Thirdly, talk to your doctor and ensure that they're aware of your situation. They'll prescribe you the necessary medication (if required) and will be willing to write to your examiners and make them aware of your situation.
Fourthly, talk to your friends and family and chaplain or consellor. Make them aware: they'll check up on you and ensure that you're ok.
Most importantly of all: don't worry! Just do the best you can. If the examiners are aware of it, they'll be more lenient and if you work well in this period, you should do fine.