I go in fits and starts really. Sometimes I'm really horny and I'm very open and explicit when I want to be.
But other times, kinda like now, I go completely cringing at the thought of sex. I get embarrassed thinking about the deed and things I've done in the past, almost to the point of feeling sick sometimes.
Some times I feel like I could abstain from sex forever and save myself this deep feeling of resentment for how I act and what I do sometimes. I'm not talking anything obscene, I've been with my BF 2 years, we were each others 1st and we do nothing abnormal/ explicit/ bondagey or anything. But talking dirty, various positions, curiosity into anal etc is the norm. However the next morning I sometimes feel like I can't bear to look BF in the eye.
This can happen at any time but especially occurs around the time of my period, any time where the condom splits/need morning after pill, generally embarrassing situations.
I understand the idea of not having sex again etc can be a comical idea to some of you but this is actually a real situation for me so I ask you to respond with apt sensitivity please.
I know what you mean curvy, if we do something out of the ordinary even something as simple as a different position then i get all embarrassed and i cant seem to look at him properly, then i get the "whats wrong with you" from him constantly until i tell him.
im very self conscious and dont like him seeing me at certain angles so that makes me cringe xx
Maybe thats it partly, I too am larger and always had low confidence etc. I know he loves me terribly though, treats me like a princess and has never done anything to make me think differently.
i'm OK in the midst of it, it's just afterwards I feel the embarrassment.
yeah thats the same as me, its as though i forget about it all until its over then im like fuck what have i just done and i get quite ashamed and embarrassed xx
I think you need to talk to your bloke about this. If he is as lovely as you say then surely he will reassure you that what you are doing isn't bad or wrong - I imagine he thinks it's awesome!
Nothing you do as part of a consenting adult relationship is "wrong" or "shameful", it's all in the eye of the beholder. We've all done things we regret in certain parts of our lives but it's learning from those things and moving on that allows us to continue. And that's not just about sex either.
It's possible that some of these feelings are happening because you aren't truly comfortable with yourself yet. I'm not sure how old you are but it does take a long time for some of us to become content with our choices and ourselves. Speaking from experience here - I was a late developer sexually and it's only really in the last few years that I've become fully confident and comfortable with who I am and what I do. And you know what, it's no-one elses business what you do!
Talk to your man, get some reassurance form him. If you have low confidence because you are a bigger girl and don't want to be then change that or treat yourself to something that you feel good in. But don't fear judgement or feel guilt for anything you do in a loving relationship. It's yours and you can do what you want with it.
Oh my, at 22 I didn't have a clue! Thank your blessings that you have discovered your sexuality quite early on and have a good man to share it with. If there are no underlying issues from childhood then it honestly is a case of learning to be comfy with what you do and who you are.
Curvy, I've noticed that in a few of your posts you refer to being big and not too happy about it. There's nothing wrong with being a bigger girl but only if you are happy that way. I'm not big at all but I am conscious of getting older so I hit the gym, look after my skin and make sure I eat as well as possible. It just makes me feel a bit better when I'm in my pants in front of my (younger) bloke and that gives me the confidence to jump him!!
Talk to your blokes girls (oh, and sort the condoms out Curvy - if they keep splitting try different ones, at least then you can relax about that!). Good luck.x
Definately take Littlebirds advice about talking things through with your OH.
My husband introduced me to many new experiences, and I was quite sceptical at firs, but he always said that if you fancy doing something (legal mind), try it....if you like it and enjoy it, brilliant...and if you don't, well, you have no regrets later in life.....and I have stuck to that simple bit of advice, and found a whole new ME!!!
I was (and still am to some degree) a big girl, low self esteem and confidence, and let people walk all over me...now, I am confident, feel empowered and sexy....I even had a car passenger (male) shout ... wait for it...
"MILF"............mind you, I had to ask my friend what it meant...lol
So....communicate your feelings....glass of wine...and some peaceful mellow place to talk
I agree with littlebird, talk to your partners girls, altough I am small, I have never been what you could call petite!! my figure was always a double edged sword & it took me years to be able to have the confidence to say that I was not comfortable with some of the things that I engaged in. Its only since I met my OH that we have been able to 'experiment' in a safe & comfortable environment. Mind you we haven't always got it right first time lol but half the fun is in the finding out
I go in fits and starts really. Sometimes I'm really horny and I'm very open and explicit when I want to be.
But other times, kinda like now, I go completely cringing at the thought of sex. I get embarrassed thinking about the deed and things I've done in the past, almost to the point of feeling sick sometimes.
Some times I feel like I could abstain from sex forever and save myself this deep feeling of resentment for how I act and what I do sometimes. I'm not talking anything obscene, I've been with my BF 2 years, we were each others 1st and we do nothing abnormal/ explicit/ bondagey or anything. But talking dirty, various positions, curiosity into anal etc is the norm. However the next morning I sometimes feel like I can't bear to look BF in the eye.
This can happen at any time but especially occurs around the time of my period, any time where the condom splits/need morning after pill, generally embarrassing situations.
I understand the idea of not having sex again etc can be a comical idea to some of you but this is actually a real situation for me so I ask you to respond with apt sensitivity please.
x
Aw Curvy, you have my sympathies hun. Until I met my gorgeous fiance, I was realy hung up about sex, totally repressed, only did it because I felt I "should". I was basically single for 10 years, did have a one night stand, but that was more out of desperation to prove that someone, anyone, found me attractive.
When me and the man got together, I instantly enjoyed sex more than I had ever done in the past, but I would suffer the same problem as you - loved it at the time, but was embarrased and slightly guilty afterwards, almost as if I was punishing myself or was ashamed at the pleasure I derived from it (and I'm 13 years older than you!). But thanks to my wonderful man, who encouraged me to talk about it, and keep talking about it, things are much better now, and for the firt time in my life, I am truly loving sex, enjoying my pleasures along with my man's, and willing to explore new things in a way I never had before.
So listen to the good advice on here, and TALK about it with your man, and keep TALKING. These issues won't neccesarily resolve themselves overnight, but with time, patience and the love and caring a good partner gives you, things can get better.
I'd also agree with the advice you've been given about learning to love yourself. I too am on the large side, curves in all the right places for sure, but also lots of curves in some of the "wrong" places too - but "wrong" is a media concept, not a reality. I've never met a woman who was totally, truly 100% happy with every single inch of her body, but you've got to learn to love what you've got - after all, full body transplants are still the realm of sci-fiExternal Media. Your man loves you just the way you are, so start to believe him and trust his opinion. That's what I've done, and it works wonders for my self esteem - no way on earth I'd have worn a corset before I met him, let alone let you guys see it!
I have to say I have never suffered from this and wonder why you have this responce at times? There must be some sort of hang up and reason behind it.
I admit I have done many filthy and adventurous things even though I have had very few sexual partners I had an enormous amount of fun while I still had the youth and the energy (and a man/woman willing!). I can look back and go "blimey! I have lived!" and I believe people should be able to do that without guilt.
There's nothing wrong with what you are doing so you just need to find a way to feel good about yourself and your sex life
wow, I leave you guys for one day and come back to all this touching advice!
littlebird wrote:
(oh, and sort the condoms out Curvy - if they keep splitting try different ones, at least then you can relax about that!).
I made that sound bad didnt I lol, I'm talking over the space of 3 years. I am on the pill but accidents seem to happen when I'm on antibiotics too or some other reason lol.
Mrs 37...MILF...what a compliment! I bet that put an extra swing in your booty that day!
whirlybird wrote:
Aw Curvy, you have my sympathies hun. Until I met my gorgeous fiance, I was realy hung up about sex, totally repressed, only did it because I felt I "should".
That's kind of how I feel sometimes, not because I'm forced in any way, I just sometimes don't find it as enjoyable at all as much as I think I probably should.
Its lovely to hear from so many bold and confident women on here, inspirationally comfortable in their size, shape and the way they look no matter what that is for them.
I know self esteem and confidence doesnt come overnight, but with ladies like you offering your words of support it makes it a lot easier!
Loads of great advice in previous posts. To reassure you on the size front - most men I have spoken to prefer a curvier figure! I think when we look at ourselves we concentrate on the bits we're not so keen on rather than looking at the overall picture. Hope you get it all sorted with your lovely fella - bet he loves all the rude stuff you do! The ruder I am the more my OH likes it!
