Not sure if this post is in the right place? So, I have been seeing my boyfriend for a fair few months now and we are now 'official' and have been for around a month or so (well at least with the bf/gf label!). He has met my little one and they get on so well together. We have also met lots of each others family and friends and been a plus ones to various events recently too.
He's recently told me that he cares about me a lot and obviously my little one too. Not sure how to take this? It was lovely to hear and I feel smitten, but am wondering if its just male talk with him saying what he thinks I want to hear (although he always seems genuine and sincere), or is it his round-about cautious way of telling me he loves me or is falling in love with me? He has mentioned him getting burned in the past and been cheated on ect..
He often tells me he misses me when we are apart too, as do I. I didn't want to challenge him further on it, so I just let it come naturally and told him in return that I really care about him too and it's nice for me to hear he feels that way towards me too.
Just wondered what peoples thoughts were on the whole 'i really care about you' subject? He's very affectionate/intimate and quite a touchy-feely kind of guy who doesn't seem afraid to show he cares, but I do know and he has said he's not very good at deep stuff (assuming he means talking).
I'm known for being blunt, so please don't take offence if what I say seems rude, that's not my intention.
Men generally are not great at saying how they feel. Its often seen as weakness among other men. I think he has made a clear declaration that he likes you a lot. He has also said he has been hurt in the past, so I wouldn't expect the use of the word "love" for a while yet. It will probably just take some time.
All his jestures and communication is consistent, and you said he seems genuine, so I would just give him some time and try not to get hung up on specific phrases. The fact that he has not blurted out "I love you" could well be an indicator that that is how he feels, but he doesn't want to get hurt again.
I have been with my OH 14 years and engaged for 4 now, and he has told me he loves me twice, both times he was drunk (or had been drinking). I don't expect your man to be this slow in coming forward, but patience is the key.
Hi Smellycat I reckon there's no point over-analize the meaning of everything a guy tells you. I know it's easier said than done as I'm a bit like you. I keep reading texts, cards and trying to find a "deep" meaning in everything. Men are usually down to earth beings and don't have as many nuances as we do, so he probably meant that he likes you a lot and you're important to him and that's a very good thing. Just go with the flow and enjoying the feelings and things you guys are having together. I've been married for 16 years, but in the beginning my hubby never wanted say he loved me because he thought if he told me something so meaningful right at the start, he'd be left with nothing to make me happy later - funny!
I think its lovely that in his own words hes letting you know how much you mean to him. It is still early days and seems like youre getting on really well so the fact he's opened up about really caring for you and missing you when you are apart is great! Also glad to see your little one approves too :)
I think the first time is hardest for sure. I can still remember the first time I said to my OH that I was falling in love with her. She didn't respond verbally (she may have kissed me, can't remember), that made me nervous as hell. It wasn't until a few days later when she wasn't in the mood for sex (her monthly IIRC) that I said something along the lines "thats not why I'm falling for you" that she reciprocated my feelings.
After 20 years of marraige, we have probably said it more in the last 2 months, than ever and our relationship is in a better place than ever, yay for communication.
Being a bloke I resonate with what Louise has said above but as well as not being that great at opening up I also have another reason.
It's true I'm not great at expressing myself emotionally infront of anyone let alone my partner. We have been together for 12 years now and married for 5. She is the mother of my children and my pillar of strength. Do I tell her this; hell no but that doesn't mean that isn't how I feel.
My other feeling on it is that most couples nowadays say "I love you" at the end of every sentence. To me personally I feel like doing that takes away the true meaning of the saying. True I get whined at for not saying it when my OH says it to me but when I do I love to see the smile on her face like I have truly made her day.
That to me is more special.
Don't just presume your partner doesn't love you because they don't say it. It's the little things that will show it.