What's it like when this happens? How does it happen etc
I'm really coming at this more from perspective of at the start really loving and fancying the person to getting to the point of losing all feelings.
Was it that you'd misjudged the person or worked them out or something else. How did you go from intense feelings to lose them, interested to understand this in further depth.
This has happened to me a couple of times. It's hard to explain. I remember just feeling fondness, sadness and concern for the other person. It was similar to my previous experience of anticipatory grief.
I don't so much think of it as a misjudgement - rather we just changed over time (the relationships were approx. a decade each). There was definitely affection but we just wanted different things from life.
I never went into a relationship with any belief in "soul mates", "the one" or anything like that. Rather just a "this person makes me happy - let's see where this goes".
I kinda think of it as a river gradually changing course. Or tastebuds changing over time. Day-to-day too-subtle-to-notice differences that add up.
IMO you have probably not found the right person yet. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone. I have been with my partner now for nearly 30 years and married 23 this coming April. I still get butterflies now when I see her and she feels the same way. We had this feelings for each other when fate brought us together.
I have had nearly 20 partners in the past so obiously they didnt work out for one reason or onother but never had those feelings like above.
I just felt a huge sense of guilt when I lost feelings for a past partner. She was fun and nice and pretty but the energy behind my feeling were dull and I just didn’t have a sense to push us to the next level. I always found ways to run away when she got close and I slowly made the decision to walk backwards until she was in a good state to let things go.
I deeply regretted it for months after as I realised my feelings were temporarily frozen and deep down I still loved her. It was just a lot of family stress and grief on my life which broke things down. She’s now very happy with someone who treats her great and we’re friends which is great to see. I’m very very over her now and my partner is my lifeline and everything I have ever wanted so fate truly was on our side. My advice is to try and work out if this is temporary and if you want to fix things, if you really have lost feelings then don’t be scared to jump, plenty of people in the world are looking for the right person and it takes a few toads to find your prince/princess, even if they are amazing and beautiful toads! They may just not be the right ones for you
I feel the same, no spark anymore and he seems to be losing interest in me :( hate this feeling but hey ho x
These may not qualify as falling out of love, exactly:
In one early case I felt an overwhelming sadness and slow insight/accepting that someone I still today care about deeply, as a trusted friend, did not and would never want children. That became our dealbreaker, after four years together. I'm happy that he some years later found another woman, with whom he is obviously happy, and he is clearly happy for my newfound happiness, too.
In another case, after I started therapy and became more open about the anger I felt about my childhood, having been beaten and berated (pretty much daily as a teen), my then-fiance started to withdraw into his hobby. One month, when he had, in addition to working full time, spent 26 afternoons / weekend days away doing his hobby thing, I gave up, realizing that our relationship would not work. (he could not bring himself to express any criticism against his own parents, who both had been physically abusive when he was little, and one of whom was still rather routinely verbally abusive, also in my presence)
In the latest case, it finally became crystal clear that my then-husband had been pretending everything. Basically, his whole life and everything he did and said was pretense. He did not know how to be real, he had no core identity, he did not recognize caring or empathy, and he was unable to give or receive genuine love, including to our children (he's an adult child of an alcoholic who before we got married repeatedly spoke about how he did not want to repeat his parents' mistakes -- and a decade+ later, when our kids were of younger school age, started to drink). I was horrified and felt tricked, crushed and trapped, and struggled to keep up appearances for some years until I could safely get myself and the kids away.
I found I no longer wanted to do things for that person I still cared about them but it didn’t come naturally to do nice things like but their favourite food run them a bath when they got home from work etc.
Everything became a chore I felt guilty as they hadn’t done anything to cause this it just happened.