People are too busy wondering what people think about them to make fun of others.
I'll make this short and sweet - one of my main fears is the fear of failure, both in personal and professional life.
I try so hard and do take it personally if things don't go right!! Xx
I feel you on this LNT. Only yesterday i had a bit of a break down because I was seeing myself as a failure cause I'm bad at disciplining myself into studying.
What I've learned to make it better is base your self worth on sonething that is not about performance. Set goals that are more related to you, like pushing back your own limits, not setting goals you know are not attainable.
mamz wrote:
I feel you on this LNT. Only yesterday i had a bit of a break down because I was seeing myself as a failure cause I'm bad at disciplining myself into studying.
What I've learned to make it better is base your self worth on sonething that is not about performance. Set goals that are more related to you, like pushing back your own limits, not setting goals you know are not attainable.
Problem is I have to rely on others to make sure I achieve my goals, if that makes sense. (I run a team of approx 15 people, and if one of them doesn't perform, it comes back on me, even if I have done everything in my power to make sure things go well).
I do set myself goals, but my expectations of myself are very high - probably too high!! I inherited this from my dad who always said, 'if you are going to do something, do it well or not at all,.
Xxx
I use to say that too LNT 😮
I know what you mean. i am exactly the same. Plus I am a perfectionist so it doesn't help. It jas proven to be destructive on me.
What I mean is don't set goals that aren't interior to you. Like in "if you are going to do something, do it well or not at all", if you define "well" by a number of something or something associated with performance it will never work. If you define it about yourself and your own capacity, it'll be way more rewarding. It's not as concrete but it's way better. Also don't set "well" based on what other's do.
If I'd start running, I wouldn't think "my friend is rubnibg marathons, if I'm to be running i'm going to be good at it, and i won't till i run a marathon" cause that is not realist at all. i'd better look at myself and think "wow I ran for ten minutes today, that's more than I was ever able to do! I'm getting better at this!" And be proud of myself. I may set a long time goal to run a 5km because that is realist but i must never think "i am not good at running un'ess I run a marathon"
Mamz - wise words indeed - but changing a mindset of 47 years is easier said than done, especially when it was so firmly ingrained from when I was a kid!!
I really appreciate your insight and take on board what you say - you are a very wise going lady xxxx
Trust me, if I can you can (says the girls who just tspoke about not comparing to others haha).
I am the worst. I get so self destructive when I can't reach the goal I had set myself, and I always set goals that are way too high. When I was a kid my father would not be proud if I had a B in an exam.
Now I get B's and think "well, I could've had an A" but then I remember I should be proud of it and I think "wow, I've got a B with that little study and when I though I would fail! I'm in med school and I get B's! I am good!" and I feel much better. Of course it's still based on performance but at least I don't set especially high goals about it anymore, I am just proud of my accomplishments when I compare to my own self rather than wanting to be better than everyone etc.
It just takes consciousness. When you are sad because you haven't reached a goal, start to question your goal itself. Then turn it into what it is and take th performance aspect out of it. Doing that you'll soon learn how to set realistic and healthy goals before achieving them.
Trust me, you can.
For you Mamz - 
i think facing your fears head on is one of the best ways to overcome them, its what ive done for the past 5 year not through choice like but as a result im stronger and difficult to break and looking back at fears i had before this they seem totally irrelevant and rather silly. If its a fear you can avoid through choice such as heights take the bull by the horns and face it but on your terms, you create the conditions and limits you are comfortable with and once you have faced 1 the rest will seem like a breeze
FL - yes I'm like that too but my mum was and still is over-protective of me. She still watches me across the road. So yes I'm always thinking such and such could happen. I drive others crazy sometimes with my cautiousness.
Leanne - I think that will be next on my reading list 😊
Slinky- I can't imagine anyone not liking you 😘
Mamz- you're such a wise young lady and I didn't answer your question as I wasn't sure where to reply but I wasn't ignoring you. I'm 49 😊
Carrying on with the discussion on fears, although these could be considered phobias ( maybe a new thread topic if there isn't one already) difficult to check whilst on my phone. 😑 anyway biggest fear is worms and slugs and anything happening to my family.