Hello all, as a couple of the threads have been wondering off in different directions I thought this might be an idea for a new thread, that could accommodate some of the recent topics that have been comin up. (Taking the hint Leanne).
So if anyone has any fears or worries that others might be able to help with feel free.
Quite a few members have expressed that they worry how others take what they are saying. I understand this as it can be very difficult to express feelings and emotions through speech and written text.
I think as long as you are open and honest and say what you think, using a little tact, then things will be ok. I'm not easily offended and I honestly don't mean to upset or hurt anyone, although what I say could often be take in bad light. If you feel offended by something someone says, I would try to tell that person, not to cause upset or embarrassment, but perhaps you misunderstood something or maybe a different phrasing would have changed the context of the comment.
Im thick skinned and it takes a lot to upst me, but if you ever manage it, I would say you had, so that we could work things out. Communication is the key to solving so many problems.
Fun Louise wrote:
Quite a few members have expressed that they worry how others take what they are saying. I understand this as it can be very difficult to express feelings and emotions through speech and written text.
I think as long as you are open and honest and say what you think, using a little tact, then things will be ok. I'm not easily offended and I honestly don't mean to upset or hurt anyone, although what I say could often be take in bad light. If you feel offended by something someone says, I would try to tell that person, not to cause upset or embarrassment, but perhaps you misunderstood something or maybe a different phrasing would have changed the context of the comment.
Im thick skinned and it takes a lot to upst me, but if you ever manage it, I would say you had, so that we could work things out. Communication is the key to solving so many problems.
I'm thick skinned too and I just brush off things but I know othes find this difficult and do sometimes take things personally. My mouth has a mind of its own so if I ever offend someone ....please say so ! Its difficult to put into written words sometimes exactly what I'm trying to convey xx
I agree I am thick skinned as well and words never upset me.
Sometimes if English isn't your first language then it can be far more difficult for the poster and sometimes things can be taken out of context .I would probably struggle if I had to post in French for example.
The forum still has some gliches in it when it comes to editing a post. Many a time I have tried to correct some typos without it accepting.
Sometimes you just need to reread what your posted to see if its obvious that it could be taken the wrong way.
A good tip is to use the words "In My opnion" which can prevent things gettin too personal . Its not 100% watertight but if often helps.
There are very few things that get a reaction out of me but when they do, they really do. It's usually not even the topic that offends me, it's the way it's been said - you've got it there FL, it's the lack of tact. There's a lot of things I've written and someone has disagreed with me, that's perfectly fine, by all means suggest an alternative view. I think everybody is open minded enough to take on board somebody else's opinion, when it's put across the right way 🙈 The written word is a tricksy beast! Partly why I use so many emojis as I know I can come across as a bit of a prick without them! 😅
Violet, I can honestly say you have never come across as a "bit of a prick" to me. I'm trying with the picture things but it's going to take me some time.
Mysteron i feel a bit implied by your post :P
I am sorry if I ever misintepreted something abd caused misunderstandings or hurt or anything like that because of my bad english
mamz wrote:
Mysteron i feel a bit implied by your post :P
I am sorry if I ever misintepreted something abd caused misunderstandings or hurt or anything like that because of my bad english
No not at all .
What I was implieing that a little leeway is often needed for those members on here where English isn't their first language. Your English is fantastic and you should be proud of that.
I was not long ago slaughtered by a French lady on here but I am still convinced it wasn't meant in malice although it came accross to me and others that way and sometimes you have to take this into account .Thats the reason why I didn't report the thread and let it stand .
Adding to the point about it being hard to express emotions and feelings by the written word, I also know that I will read the same thing completely different ways from one day to the next depending on what kind of day I have had and how I am feeling at that particular time.
I have in fact done it here some months ago and got quite (well very actually) upset, to the point I had to remove myself from the forums for a couple of days, and when I returned I ended up apologising for being such a prune and taking the comments completely out of context - it is so easily done.
I truly believe 99% of forum users are here to join in and help others wherever they can without judgement or mallice, and in the main it works like clockwork, but there will be occasions where things are misinterpreted and we just all need to be mindful that it is either just a different view from our own, or just possibly just an unfortunate choice of words.
Xxxxx
LNT 100% agree, I feel we are a great community, I / we are not always the best at offering advice or compassion but will do when we can and, I often worry people think I / we may be heartless because we don't. (I'm sure you all don't) that said, for the most part pretty much everyone has got everyones back here, couldn't ask for a better bunch of people we've never met.
I really like this community. I'm actually an extremely sensitive person and take things to heart too easily. It's ironic really as I get mixed up when trying to put things across sometimes. I'm the kind of person who always worries about what people think. Anxiety is a pain in the backside! Saying that I've never felt left out here. I happily pop in to conversations.
Glad to hear it Fun Louise! I can be very deadpan with my humour and that definitely doesn't translate well without the emojis! 😅
I'm a bit of a sensitive soul myself but hate to admit it to anyone as it makes me feel weak. I have a knack of putting my foot in it without meaning to as well. ( I did it the other week without realising until it was pointed out to me and I felt terrible once I had read it back to myself). As you've all pointed out though it's so easy to get misinterpreted without tone of voice and body language etc. I don't worry about what others think of me as I'm confident enough in myself and know I won't be everyone's cup of tea but that's life. At the same time though I would hate to think I've upset anyone as that's just not me and it would bother me. (I've taken to using more emojis too even though I struggle picking the right ones 😐). Violet - I am very deadpan too in real life as well, which doesn't always go down too well especially with those that don't really know me.
I'm going to throw an odd one out now. It's not quite a fear but I see and respect danger far more than is perhapse normal. So it's not the height I'm afraid of I have a healthy respect for the hard ground that you would hit if you fell. I can be in the car as a passenger and see the accident of the car coming towards us when we are on a narrow road, even though it's really unlikely to happen.
If the road is icy I see what we would hit if the car spun on the ice. If I'm changing a lightbulb I don't do it when my OH isn't home and I go to the cellar and turn off the electric circuit before, even though this is really not necessary. But I see the potential hazards in every day life.
Im not particularly anxious about these things but the thought crosses my mind. Does anyone else have this?
Fun Louise wrote:
I'm going to throw an odd one out now. It's not quite a fear but I see and respect danger far more than is perhapse normal. So it's not the height I'm afraid of I have a healthy respect for the hard ground that you would hit if you fell. I can be in the car as a passenger and see the accident of the car coming towards us when we are on a narrow road, even though it's really unlikely to happen.
If the road is icy I see what we would hit if the car spun on the ice. If I'm changing a lightbulb I don't do it when my OH isn't home and I go to the cellar and turn off the electric circuit before, even though this is really not necessary. But I see the potential hazards in every day life.
Im not particularly anxious about these things but the thought crosses my mind. Does anyone else have this?
I do , I am terrible at being a passenger in a car, excatly for this reason!
I always think of the worse case scenario! I have just started reading a book called The worry cure. So far it is great.
It is supposed to help throught processes through this type of worry and identifies the cause of the worry in the first place.
Thanks Leanne, I know why I have this issue, it all stems from my upbringing and my father. He was abusive physically and mentally, I will spare you the details as you will probably think the horrific, but if the book introduces ways round the problem that could be helpful.
Fun Louise wrote:
Thanks Leanne, I know why I have this issue, it all stems from my upbringing and my father. He was abusive physically and mentally, I will spare you the details as you will probably think the horrific, but if the book introduces ways round the problem that could be helpful.
I am sorry to hear that FL, childhood can be such a terrible time for some.
I am certain I know where my worries and stress stem from, and again it revolves around family and childhood. Still years on these things are deep within us, coming out in many ways of worry, stress and anxiety.
I will let you know how I get on with the book, so far it is great and was recommended to me by a friend who found it very useful.
Fun Louise wrote:
I'm going to throw an odd one out now. It's not quite a fear but I see and respect danger far more than is perhapse normal. So it's not the height I'm afraid of I have a healthy respect for the hard ground that you would hit if you fell. I can be in the car as a passenger and see the accident of the car coming towards us when we are on a narrow road, even though it's really unlikely to happen.
If the road is icy I see what we would hit if the car spun on the ice. If I'm changing a lightbulb I don't do it when my OH isn't home and I go to the cellar and turn off the electric circuit before, even though this is really not necessary. But I see the potential hazards in every day life.
Im not particularly anxious about these things but the thought crosses my mind. Does anyone else have this?
Yep, i feel this a lot of the time too. It really bothers me to be in the passenger seat. I often feel the driver is following too close and can see us hitting the car in front (even though it may be a decent distance, it seems a lot closer).
As with yourself, it doesnt cause me to launch into a panic attack or anything, but i do get slightly uneasy and think about what could happen. It seems to be part of life, and its something i just have to deal with, i'll admit i try to limit the amount of times i am the passenger.
I didn't think I really had a fear, but having put some thought in I have found that I do.
Im afraid of ridicule or being laughed at. It might be a kink for some but public humiliation or ridicule by my friends and piers is a big fear. It's the reason I don't do new things very often, fear of others laughing at me. I have to plan, like way in advance, try to see all the possible outcomes and pitfalls and put in place a back up or rescue plan. It does mean I don't do half the things that I would like to but I'm not sure I can find a way round it.
Im sure we all do it to some extent. How often have you not asked "what's that I've never heard of that" because you think people will laugh at you and think you stupid? I know I'm not alone with this fear, I might just have it a bit more severely than most.
I'm super amazed you have that year fun louise because you're so confident. I have this year too and it's totally social anxiety and paranoi related. It's even happened where I feel family are doing it, and it's so awful because there's no rationalism techniques I've learnt.
Slot of advice is always - "it's not all about you", "people aren't laughing at you and even if they were who cares what people think other than those closest". Those are great points especially the first one (with me) because its true but imo every single person 'hates me' and laughs/ridiculous/talks about me etc. But I actually know it's not true to a point becsuse of the amount of people who 'think I'm great ' in the real world. But accepting its another matter.
The second point could be more beneficial to many imo, I guess it all depends on the type of person, how bad the stress on it. For example, I'm a people pleaser and want to get along with everybody so the first ones more applicable. I think that some recent things are making me 'accept' it's impossible to please everyone so hoping that's a good tool for the anxiety.
Anyway I'm babbling shock horror! This is a brilliant thread 💜xx