My boyfriend and I have been with each other for over four years now and have a really great sex life. We're always keen to keep things exciting in the bedroom, and recently I suggested to him that we have a think about trying anal sex.
The great thing is that we're comfortable enough with each other to chat about this kinda stuff, as I know that being relaxed before attempting anal is dead important - However.. (this is where your advice would be greatly appreciated!!)
Neither of us have tried anal sex before and it would be really great if you could help me with how best to go about it! I've looked at loads of the toys and reviews on this site but I just don't know which to go for! I can fit my index finger in quite easily myself and its still comfortable but to be honest, I don't really know where to go from here!
We had talked about getting a butt plug or one of the sets of plugs to use to try and open me up a bit more before we even attempt to fit him in. We know that it may take a bit of time experimenting with the plugs and plenty of lube before I'm ready to try his dick, but I would really appreciate your advice on which toy/set would be the best for 2 complete beginners!
I had looked at the Tracey Cox Supersex kit with the medium and large plugs in it, but I'm scared this would be too big to begin with? But then after reading some reviews on the smaller plugs, I was worried that they might be too small which would mean we'd be looking for somthing bigger to try sooner rather than later? Also, are their any lubes in particular you's would reccommend? I thought the Maximus lube looked quite good?
I'd really appreciate your experiences and advice as it's always better to ask for help from people who have been here before!
i actualy only got toys after i had had my patner in me so it isnt actualy esentual. if you do ewant to try toys first thou i stronglky recomend something smooth rather than realistic.
the most important thing is forplay followed imediately by lube (most say lube first but i managed with baby oil-although not recomended, on my first time. thirdly i would put as knowing you are clean up there.
when it comes to forplay, your most versatile toy is yours/ your partner's fingers as on only one hand you have every size you will ever need. dont just shuv a finger right in tho- on my first time i clenched up as soon as my anus was touched so start by stroking, licking, rubbing etc then try one finger and work your way up. alternitively, i find something like the ladyfinger vibe works well also (make sure to hold onto it though as it isnt flair based) despite these sorts of internal vibes not being designed for anal i find they work very well as they are smooth and just biggger than a finger pluss the vibrations feel lovely.
now, onto lube. all lube will do the job as long as you have enough but silicone will last longer than waterbased so wont need reaplying lots. my favorite is the back door relaxing lube. stear clear of desensativing as this is like puting deepheat on strains- we experience pain for a reason, it lets us know something is wrong so by making it so you just cant feel the pain and keep going anyway is not a good idea. relaxing lubes on the other hand do what they say on the tin and relax the anal muscles making penetration easier; and therefor less painfull.
now, as for knowing you are all clean up there i advise you skrew the head off your shower and get some water up your anus then hold it in, sit on the toilet and releace. easy and you dont even need to perchace anything. do this an hour or two before you plan to try anal though to ensure all the water and mess is out and because this actualy dries you aut a bit and gets rid of what little natural moisture you have up there. once i know i am all clean i feel much more relaxed and confident and am a lot more willing to let my pasrtner in.
lastly, all i can say is good luck, hope you enjoy it and that all goes well and to point out that practice realy does pake perfect when it comes to anal.
My OH finds it much easier if she has had an orgasm first. So lots of time, lots of foreplay, lots and lots of lube and take it very very slowly.
You might find it better if you are in contol of how fast and how deep your partner enters you. Sit on him or ensure he follows your directions carefully
You might find it better if you are in contol of how fast and how deep your partner enters you. Sit on him or ensure he follows your directions carefully
i like to lie on my front with him ontop- very good position for comunication as it lets him see my face and alows us to communicate easily
It's great because you can get used to the feeling of having something in your ass which is a strange sensation when you're not used to it. Your partner can put it in for you (with lots of lube) and when you feel ready he can really slowly move it in and out. The plug is really small but it will help you to relax and enjoy the sensation. Keep it in whilst you have sex and get him to move it in and out when you're on top or during doggy. It's amazing!
I'd also recommend using a douche. I have this one
Thanks for all your advice guys :) It's been so helpful! We're taking things slowly and I'll let you's know how it goes! (without being too graphic :P)
me and my OH have been talking about this a little lately, she is curious and i would like to try it with her but she is really scared about the pain it may cause, so this advice has been helpful
me and my OH have been talking about this a little lately, she is curious and i would like to try it with her but she is really scared about the pain it may cause, so this advice has been helpful
Maybe let her do it alone so she can control everything? There really is no need for pain,
Thanks for all your advice guys :) It's been so helpful! We're taking things slowly and I'll let you's know how it goes! (without being too graphic :P)
I agree with all the advice given here, am just going back to the question of choosing toys.
You probably can manage with fingers, just use lots of lube. Start with one finger and once your completely relaxed and comfortable, gradually move up to two, even three later on. The advantage of fingers is that you (or your partner) can actually feel the muscles relaxing inside. Of course, your finger nails MUST be trimmed short and filed so there are no sharp bits.
This brings me to toys: the advantage of toys is that they are smooth and come in a variety of shapes and textures. The smoothness and hardness of glass, for instance, helps you to relax and people often find they can work with the hardness by squeezing and relaxing alternately, and can manage bigger things as a result of this. Other toys (such as beads) have special textures which provide thrilling sensations and these can be really exciting. The other advantage of toys is that you can insert them into eachother and then still have your hands free to do other things. Unlike fingers, toys can stay in for long periods with getting tired. And if a toy happens to get a bit soiled, you can quickly wrap it in tissue or chuck it into soapy water and carry on with the fun. Always check that toys are smooth and free from moulding seams or any surface damage.
If you're uncertain about what size to go for, get a tape measure and measure around your own index finger and then measure around your partner's erect penis. These will give you the range of circumferences you are working within. You can choose a graduated set of toys or a selection of different toys going from small to large. Just remember that there is a small amount of give in his penis, so your biggest rigid toy can be slightly less than his girth.
Here's a small assortment of advice based on my wife and my experiences:
Have him go down on you first, it will make you more relaxed and well, its just damn good fun isn't it.
Use LOTS of lube, we use Liquid Silk since it doesnt dry out like KY does and is neutral tasting.
If you're applying the lube, or you're letting him do it, try inserting a well lubed finger, this lubes up the area and also lets you get used to the idea of having something go in your ass. Don't rush this bit, believe me, him watching you finger your ass will be hugely arousing, or you letting him finger your ass will also really arouse him.
Your ass is used to having things come out and not having things go in, so initially it is going to feel weird for you, the only way past this is to take it slow, get comfortable and keep practising.
Don't worry about the "icky" factor. I mean of course take a shower etc so you're confident, but absolutely on no count should you be worried that something nasty will happen.
Anal is loads of fun, very taboo and naughty (these all contribute to the thriil), consequently his cock will be diamond hard, however your asshole is small, so dont expect his cock to just go in straight away, it will take a few attempts: YOU need to hold his cock and you're in control of insertion, his job is to just stay hard and lie next to you.
Get the tip of his cock on to your hole and hold it there, and slowly back on to him adjusting the angle of his cock as you need to, he may alos need to adjust his hips a little to help. There will come a point where the tip is in your ass, at that point he can slowly start pushing (but not thrusting!).
Have him gently push, while you back on to him. Stop pushing when the feeling is no longer comfortable, both of you should maybe just lie there until you feel comfortable.
Small movements feel big in the ass so tell your guy to go really slow (i.e. NOT to thrust like he would normally, at least not until you're very comfortable).
We found spooning is best / most comfortable and practical initially (you can use more advanced positions when you're more confident), it also allows him to play with your clit at the same time which will make things more fun for you.
We've never bothered with douches or enemas and we've never had any problems (we've been together 7 years).
We found condoms make the whole experience much more painful as they seem to make the lube coagulate and the one thing you dont want is a lack of lube!
He will pop out a number of times, if you're enjoying yourself just stick him back in (it will go in easier this time round).
The first time, it will feel better for him than it does for you, don't be put off by that.
It will be a bit of a head fuck for you, but as long as you both communicate throughout the whole process, and you listen to your body, there's absolutely no reason why it shouldn't become part of your repertoire and you'll start enjoying it as much as he does.
