My last serious relationship was a few years ago and for various reasons it put me off most sexual acts apart from full on penetration. I have slept with a few guys since but not got into a relationship. Im now with a new guy and looks like it may develop into a reletionship so I want to try and change my attitude towards foreplay. We had sex for the first time the other night and it was amazing, but he kept wanting to go down on me and play around with hands and mouths before full sex, but I just can't be comfortable with it, i told him I don't like anything apart from straight forward sex but now thinking about it, I feel I must be missing out on a lot. At the moment I cant deal with the idea of him going down on me or me on him, but I know people get a lot of pleasure out of it and I'd like change how I feel about it. I feel like part of the reason stopping me now is that because Iv avoided it in the past Im now nervous that I dont really have the right skills to give him amazing pleasure, apart from with full on penetration. Any advice ?!?!
IN a past relationship I had had some very difficult experinces that took a long time to move on from and for a long time I found many things difficult to relax about. It took time, honest talking and lots of trust to be at a place where I am relaxed and fully enjoy a varied sex life. I amnow confident to take the lead and control..something I never saw myself doing.
There is no magic wand to wave but by spending time getting to know what each other enjoys, the things you are less keen on and the things that make you feel so amazing will develop a great sex life. The baseline has to be talking, being honest about how you feel and having trust,
I have an issue with anything around or against my neck and in the past when this has happened during sex I have found myself switching off and it really has made me feel uncofrtable but i never dicussed how it made me feel or why. When I met my OH he soon realised there was an issue and he encouraged me to talk about it...not only did this help me get it out in the open but it made him aware of how much an issue it is for me so avoids that kind of contact.
Confidence will grow as you relax, communicate and enjoy things more...
Well, considering that I'm a very nervous and awkward person it wasn't exactly the easiest thing ever when my girlfriend (I suppose that's how I can refer to her even though I just don't have a clue what our relationship is right now) basically forced me to do whatever I want to her. So I was on top of her hesitating into hell with what to do and did two stupid things: twiddling her ears and bouncing her head up and down, simply out of sheer awkwardness. Not like I thought it would be arousing for her, because I wouldn't find that arousing at all. Pretty darned amusing. I still managed to impress her in the end though.
The point is: it gets awkward if you let it become awkward. Take it slowly at first (works on me, and I originally would've just leapt away from the chance to have sex with I woman I hardly know). The general tactic is that if your boyfriend gasps or starts writhing, you're in the right direction; especially if he starts humping you like what happened to me. Oh, and scratching the neck feels amazing - well, for me at least. That's the closest I came to something that felt like an orgasm. Not even a hand/blowjob worked as well as that, though saying that I don't have a very responsive penis.
You needn't be worried about how you perform in foreplay: it's something that develops as time goes on. If something makes your man writhe, DO IT AGAIN. It's a mere trial and error and it's something that helps in getting to know each other's sexual needs. You don't have to be ready to enjoy foreplay. I wasn't even ready for a simple relationship; never mind sex itself. What you could do is masturbate a bit before you both have sex. Therefore you should feel somewhat more relaxed and willing.
i'm sorry to here youve had bad experinces in the past that has put you off. just take things slowly and enjoy exploring things with your new guy.i'm sure that you will be able to enjoy foreplay even if it takes time.
I am sorry for the past bad experience. I m wondering,if maybe a start like shower together, or a massage may be a good way to learn to enjoy foreplay,without the need of either of you using mouths, hands to stimulate each other. You will get more used to his hands on you, without possible the pressure and start to enjoy yourself. You can slowly start to dare to do more,but only as much as you are comfortable with. a massage can be very relaxing, which can ease you into more trying mood. I would personally start there and first let him use his mouth on you, maybe start with less sexual parts, like ears. Although I cannot be sure how comfortable you are with various parts. but smaller steps, are definitely better in this situation.
also it can help if you share your experience with him, without too much details, but explain to him why you feel that way and you two can find a way how to prevent the bad experience influencing you
We did have a giggle over the whole thing and she was patient and determined to force me into making my own decision.