Hey Guys,
I'm currently living in a student house with one of my really close friends, but finding it quite stressful.
I feel like she keeps criticising me but in a nice way, like what i eat, my weight, my dress sense. We've always been close but we're spend too much time together, and seeing each others faults.
I keep getting angry at her for what she says to me, but dont know if I'm just overly sensitive or making things seem worse in my head.
She invited me to a party last week where I didnt know many people, but left me standing alone about half an hour later to go the pub with some people she knows and didnt even say bye, which made it awkward for me being there.
I dont know what to do right now. I keep feeling angry at her, which is affecting our friendship a little.
Do you have any advise or think I'm overreacting?
Thanks
Living with friends can be one of the hardest things, when you spend too much time with people you care about things can get over heated, and the smallest thing you can blow up in a rage.
I would suggest speaking to her and telling her how you feel before you do blow up, as this can something be irrevrsable.
I moved in with one of my best friends in college, and within months we was at each others throats. And then I blew up, lost my temper big time, and we've never spoke again. That was almost 10years ago. Now I don't think I could ever move in with a friend lol.
We didn't speak about things that was bothering us, we didn't really lay out any boundaries and I think this can be a problem. I suggest maybe just telling her how you feel, how she's currently making you feel and set up some clear boundaries and let her know where the line is for you so she doesn't cross it and visaversa. My housemate and I fell out about cleaning. She was a tramp lol! So it may be a compleatly different situation to yours.
Talking always seems to smooth things over though! Good luck!
pixilicious wrote:
I feel like she keeps criticising me but in a nice way, like what i eat, my weight, my dress sense.
Might be benign, but... Sounds rather like messages in the damese dialect of klingon. These manifested irritations may be symptoms of some deeper, underlying problems. Surprisingly many are incapable of communicating in a straightforward fashion, hence these ersatz complications.
pixilicious wrote:
She invited me to a party last week where I didnt know many people, but left me standing alone about half an hour later to go the pub with some people she knows and didnt even say bye, which made it awkward for me being there.
More klingon ;) If you don't have the telepathic interface, as most of us don't, it might help to corner her some time, sit her down nicely, and have a direct talking to. Doesn't work with many though, and you may receive even more klingon in return. If you care, it might be still worth a go ;)
Thanks for the advice!
I'll speak with her and we'll hopefully get everything back on track :)
When speaking to her, make sure it doesnt erupt into an argument!
Sometimes I find it easier to write these things down - what the problem is and how it made you feel, and YOUR thoughts to a solution.
They can read it alone and digest all the info without getting defensive and then arguing about it...
To get a better idea of the way she is behaving with you, it might be worth considering:
Is she exactly the same with everyone, or is it just you? Does she do this little friendly critism thing with other friends too? If not, then it may be that she has some kind of bee under her bonnet and to be honest, the only thing I can picture it being is either jealousy (Of you) or she is rampantly insecure and putting others down helps her feel better) If she is like that with everyone, you can rest assured that it is probably not personal, but still not nice either. I would communicate your feelings to her about this. You don't need to go through life with someone knocking you down. Friends are supposed to build you up!
As for leaving you at the party, it sounds like she either did not think about you, which could be considered a bit selfish, or it never crossed her mind that you would feel uncomfortable. It could also have been that she knew you felt weird about it, but did it anyway because SHE wanted to go have fun. She could of invited you, but didn't and that is the part that suggests to me that she is almost trying to be a little mean. I mean, if I went somewhere with a friend and was going to leave, I would have the common courtesy to tell the friend I came with.
Either she is insecure, going through a bit of a selfish stage, or being a bit mean out of jealousy or something. If neither of those....then she is just that kind of person, who doesn't consider the same things to be "insulting" (I know one or two people that go through life being quite insulting to others in this "nice but mean" way and it seems they get little kicks from it or something. You know these people by a key phrase they seem to use often...."OMG I was just joking! can't you take a joke!" (Pffft) I don't know but, some people don't have much self awareness.
I would talk to her. Say "I know you are just trying to be helpful or supportive, but your comments make me feel like...."
To be honest, if she does flip out and turn it all into "OMG You take everything so personally BLAH BLAH" it is fair to say that you have a friend there who doesn't care much about your feelings, because if you tell her that it is hurtful, and she tries to make you feel wrong for having those feelings, rather than "Omg I am sorry I honestly didnt realise" then....well. You get the point. Dismissing your feelings probably means she will continue her behaviour because she only cares about how SHE feels.
That is my opinion xx
Thanks so much for the advice :) xx