after a month of no booze, the missus and I are considering trying the “Have sex everyday” for a month to try and regain some of our intimacy etc.
We have a good sex life, but have the usual complications of two young kids, my wifes works means shes away from home for 7 days at a time, back for a week and then gone again…by the time she’s home - she’s tired, i’m tired from having to look after the kids/various animals on my own for a week while trying to do my job as well…and so with the best will we’re not as intimate as we used to be - and we’d both like to improve that.
My libido is much higher than my wifes…and so I often feel like a sex pest…so we’ve been looking at stuff we could try to try and bring us to a happy medium…and we stumbled across this concept.
Is there anyone out there whose done it, and can offer advice? Or even any advice on other things that could help us along the way. Obviously we’re not going to be able to have “actual sex” on the days when she’s away…
So my forum friends…shower us with your wisdom please!
Personally not setting a target might provide dividends as targets put pressure on individuals.
Rather just make time for each other, date nights etc and let things happen naturally. It would seem a better option to concentrate on what brought you together before life got in the way, rather than any form of planning.
Go for spontaneity and quality over quantity, go shopping for lingerie and feel the excitement of her choosing nice things, then plan a romantic dinner and reconnect, walks in the countryside.
Anything that happens sexually will be as a result of remembering those carefree days.
Thx DLJL - we’ve actually been trying all of those things, however with our lifestyle/job commitments we’re finding it very difficult to do that…we’ve had two date nights in the last 18 months - my youngest is about to start school so hopefully we’ll have a bit more free-time during the week to do these things…so yes we’re trying all those things too. We’re finally starting to win the battle with getting our kids bedtimes to the “you poke them through the door, read them a story, tuck them in and leave them” stage - but previously we’re each doing one of the kids, and by the time they’re both settled it’s out bedtime too!.
I’d love the idea of Lingerie shopping…sadly my OH rarely feels confident enough to wear such things “spontaneously” at the moment…that said she does love trying on tester items when we’re lucky enough to get them.
Thanks so much for your input…the “sex every day” thing isn’t something we’re trying alone…so we’re absolutely trying your approach too…our relationship is strong, we very much love each other, we’re just - as you said - trying to rekindle some of what we had before too.!
My wife was away with her sisters for a week and each day she would choose and send me a selection of toys that I had to use to bring myself to orgasm. I found it exciting but exhausting. Mind you I’m old.
I would suggest that you keep it fresh by varying the situation, the toys or whatever.
Thx @batjamboree, I was kind of assuming it wouldn’t necessarily be PIV everyday. As a couple we quite often either don’t want to - or don’t get that far. We both really enjoy using toys, and are more than happy that any intimate play/time counts as sex in our heads…so I think we’re looking more to just indulge in some sexy time (no matter how small) at least once a day while she’s home - orgasms preferred, but not required! Although once my OH has an orgasm or two she’s often ‘done’ and doesn’t want anything else - hence why we don’t always end up in PIV - although I’d always be keen!
I have tried this for a few weeks.
Just remember sometimes your body just can’t handle it. Give yourself plenty of rest and be okay with not necessarily orgasming every time because one of your bodies can’t handle it". This is okay and normal, don’t get discouraged because your body is tired.
Maybe schedule one “recovery day” a week or do 1-4 activities per week that are more “chill” or “relaxing”
I like what @DLJL , @batjamboree have suggested about maybe making the expectation to just do something romantic on some of the days, or just touch the other person.
Thx @krzwis - I think I’ve taken that from everyone’s kind comments. It was never about smashing it out everyday - I had kind of imagined it been intense some days and chilled (but still intimate) the next.
We’re going to discuss our plan of action tonight, for us it’s about trying to increase our level of intimacy from the current lull we’re in - pretty sure some days we’ll just end up scuffling a lot…as we don’t even do enough of that nowadays!
So thx everyone so far, your feedback is much appreciated.
Yea I can advise you 2 things if you have no stamina go for a month with least days in it or if you have plenty of stamina pick a month with 31 days in it good luck
There are sexual/romantic advent calendars out there if you are looking for inspiration. Lovehoney has their toy/lingerie ones which I highly recommend and there’s also printed ones on online retailers and artsy/crafting online retailers that you can print yourself.
You can even mix and match. Get an advent calendar with fillable pockets, write a bunch of dares/activities for each day, and put them in randomly
It might sound unromantic, but get your diaries out and schedule when you’ll have sex.
Obviously things happen and you won’t always keep the appointment, but some people find sex is more likely to happen if you plan ahead.
I’ve always imagined having sex every day for a month might run dry fairly quick as it can go from pleasure treat to a chore! But then again I’m sure there’s those who have managed it
Hey @AJSTAR - yeah the idea sounds good…but I think in reality it might become a chore. We sat and discussed it over the weekend and we’ve decided we’re not going to do it. We are however going to try and make a concerted effort to spend more time being “close”, cuddling (and hopefully my wife not doom scrolling). Im sure if these things happen then it will probably lead to other things anyway…and its not like we’re not doing anything at all - I think considering the pressures of life, kids and the fact that her work takes away for half the month we have a very good sex life…and the more people like yourselves have commented, and when weve discussed it - its probably not the “sex” we’re actually missing out on!
Thanks for your comments tho buddy - always great to hear other peoples thoughts
Sounds like you’ve both made a great choice and better yet sat down to talk about it.
As an alternative maybe a sexy card game could even be an option where you both pick a secret card each week with something on it what you have to do for the other whether it’s sexual or romantic and then it’s down to you both to pick and choose the moment to initiate it
