Hi, Em & Lo here -- sex & relationship writers who've been longtime friends with and fans of LoveHoney. We're based in the States but we're writing an article for a British publication on recovering from awkward sex, and the good folks at Lovehoney gave us their blessing to ask around here for possible quotes. Did you or your partner do something mortifying in bed that you had to get over the next time you were between the sheets? (Did equipment fail? had a super long dry spell? any bedroom bloopers or sex toy mishaps? get busted for faking? etc.) If you share your story with us (and identities can be disguised if need be) you'll automatically be entered to win a free We-Vibe II from us! Details are on our website. We'd love to hear from you!
Several years ago, my then-boyfriend dropped me home (my parents house) and came in for a "coffee"...
Pretty quickly, clothes were being torn off and thrown all over the living room (whilst my family were upstairs asleep).
I dropped to my knees to give him a blow job, when my knee dislocated! I was only wearing my bra and he was only wearing his socks (yes, classy, I know!) and I don't know how I managed to stop screaming in pain...
He called for an ambulance (still only wearing his socks) because my leg was all bent funny, and then realised that he'd have to go and wake my parents up because the ambulance turning up might be a bit of a suprize in the middle of the night!
He got dressed and creeped upstairs, leaving me semi-naked, on my knees-ish, knocked on their bedroom door to wake them, then suddenly remembered I was downstairs naked and he rushed downstairs to try and get me dressed before my parents got downstairs.
Needless to say, it was not easy to get dressed with a knee bending the wrong way and I couldn't stand at all. He managed to get my knickers and t-shirt on, but then, whilst waiting for the ambulance with my parents sitting next to me, clutching a bag of frozen peas, we had to improvise a story about spilling something down me at dinner and that's why I was semi naked... Because I was just about to put some new clothes on (with no new clothes anywhere in sight!)
Totally embarassing
I'd only been with my boyfriend for about 4 months, though we did stay together for 3 years, so this obviously didn't traumatise him too much!!!
Well... as sexy as it is to be bent over the table, do make sure it's not a cheap particle board table. The particle crumbled around the legs and we crashed to the floor, table and all. Somehow neither of us were seriously injured, though we were too sore to get frisky for a few days.
with my fiancee, a little tipsy and whilst happily mid coitus, things for my little soldier started to go a little wrong. but as my poor chap decided to return to a flaccid state, me being the stupidly macho man i thought i was after beer, panicked. Alot. and as things became noticably like feeding toothpaste back into the tube, and without any thought process, shouted " for fucks' sake, why can't you turn me on???"
horrified, i jumped off my beautiful woman, who was now in fits of laughter becausse she completely understood my predicament, and I curled up in a ball hoping the world would open up sharpish. needless to say, i got nothing that night, but only because i was so upset with what i had said and how much pressure i had put myself under, that nothing would raise the chap from his slumber, and believe me, she tried!
fine next morning though and after a trip to tiffany's for a new necklace, it was forgotten about!!
not particuarly awkward but me and an ex were getting it on in his halls of residence bedroom. we must have got rather enthusiastic because mid thrust the headboard fell off of the bed and onto the floor rather loudly, and we had to scabble for some cloathes before his mates came knocking at the door to see if he was ok.
Have a look at http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com/2008/08/retrospective-afternoon-delight-that.html - probably the funniest thing that's happened to me mid coitus...
Here are the opening paragraphs:
I've always been one of those people who are open minded/apathetic enough to shrug off other people's opinions of what is crude or immoral with the mantra that 'it's fine as long as it doesn't hurt anyone'. It's a simple but effective way of dealing with complicated issues, people generally make their own rational decisions, and as long as those decisions only affect themselves then no one else really has grounds to complain about them. I think I've stuck to this maxim; condom wrappers have always been disposed of considerately, and even when having sex outdoors or in public I've always picked a location or time that allowed for a modicum of privacy, because half the fun is never quite knowing for certain whether anyone did notice what you were up to.
Almost a year ago though, I came so close to completely forsaking that rule. My slightly too vigorous strokes almost killed a beloved family pet.
Could Silverdrop, Pierce'd and Sweetlove666 drop me an email to press@lovehoney.co.uk, Em and Lo wanted to get in touch directly, so if you are happy for me to, then I will pass your emails on to them.