Have you and your partner done this.............And how did it go?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

As some of you who replied to my previous thread several weeks ago will know.....

I asked my wife to sleep with another man while I watched as it is a huge fantasy of mine......

Initially she said no, but after some careful thought, deliberation and long discussions, she has finally agreed to do this and WANTS to do it.

I'm not doubting it in any way at all, but have to admit I am a little aprehensive and nervous, but looking forward to the day at the same time.

We have NEVER done anything like this before, so just wanted to ask if any of you couples out there have done this for yourself?

It doesn't have to be your woman who slept with another man, it could have been that your wife let you sleep with another woman. Either way we would love to hear how it went?

Did it go well? How was it for you? Did it go as expected?

Was it good fun, or was it a complete disaster and ruined your life?

We would love to hear your honest replies to your experience.

Look forward to it and thanks for reading!!!

2

I have no advice or experience of this but wanted to say I hope it goes well for you both.

3

Heidi920 wrote:

I have no advice or experience of this but wanted to say I hope it goes well for you both.

Many thanks for your reply anyway, appreciate that and thanks for the wise words

4

I'm pretty sure this is my partners biggest fantasy too, but I could just never do it. I'd feel our relationship would end up being awful. and to be honest I wouldn't even know where to find a third person.

i hope it goes well for you both. You have more balls than me. would love to know how u both get on.

best of luck xxx

5

As I absolutely adore my missus the fantasy of her with another man or several men has always been something iv thought about, but in my head with everything in life reality and fantasy are two separate things. We either think the worst or the best when we approach a situation. If you both have a really close relationship, understand boundaries and the third also understands then hopefully it's something you can both enjoy. But also you need to know if your own insecurities will play a part. One of the girls I was seeing did play with her friend in front of me and it was a really Hott experience, but it made sex just sex for us after that. I didn't really bond with her anymore in an emotional approach to being close.

My current partner I death stare any men who look in her direction so I dread to think what would happen in that situation haha. So in short I think if your both very understanding and set rules with all three of you abide by it could be a really sexual and fun experience, but remember the reality of it and how you will feel after seeing your partner with someone else. I hope it all goes well for you. Let us know how you feel after as I have always been curious!

6

I might be old and set in my ways and alas my wife of 46 years died two years ago I would not like to have seen the love of my live in bed with another man fantasy or not what we had was total love for each other and in my view that is more important than any fantasy that could split you apart be very careful it might end your marrage

Dj

7

Maybe look around for a local BDSM Munch (gathering). You can usually find them near by and they are a good place to meet others with similar fetishes in a safe and non-sexual setting. You might meet a "bull" there who would be willing to help you create your fantasy. Otherwise you would be likely to meet others who swap partners etc who could give you some practical experience. Fetlife is a decent place to start if your looking for a local munch.

8

Don't think I've ever interacted with you on here before, so hi! :) I've got no experience with this so no personal thoughts to share, but I think it's worthwhile thinking and talking about boundaries etc. before actually doing it. Fantasies like this can be fun, but actually doing them might end up with people getting hurt - or you might end up having tons of fun.

There's actually a whole thread with people sharing their thoughts/experiences on it https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/505749-cuckolding/

And this is a pretty good comic about it http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/cuckolding/

9

I've done this and it worked well. I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea though! My hubby loves me telling him about sleeping with other men. I usually do it when I'm away i.e. at a work's conference, then I describe it to him when we next have sex. I also sleep with another woman and again I do that separately, he's never been there.

It really depends on your relationship and how you feel, maybe don't go the whole hog the first time and try a swingers club and just chat to another man who's interested. Or try the Fab website, there are lots of likeminded people out there. Good luck!

10

HUGE thanks to all of you that have replied to my thread so far, some very wise words and some very interesting reading.

Please keep them coming if anyone hasn't put their views forward yet.

We can only base our views on the replies we have received so far and I'm sure many will agree but you can only really make fair/honest judgements of people from this, however it is nice to see that the majority on here so far are down to earth, sensible people with honest views, so thanks to you all for that.

There have been a few other sites that I wouldn't post on ever again, because there are some VERY strange people on them and they come across as ''fruit loops'' so again it's nice to find a genuine site with likeminded couples/singles (whoever you are)

Thanks to all those who wished us all the best and good luck. Very kind of you and should it go ahead we will report back and let you all know!!!

Maybe if it goes well, it could push you into making that dreaded ''step'' that you need to take!!

It is scary, but like we say if you want to learn how to swim you have to jump in the water!!!

11

Just make sure you talk to her and that you both stay within the rules that you set for each other.

Our first time was a soft play only encounter and it gave a glimpse into how we would feel about seeing each other with someone else.

It went fine and we play a lot more now. We have some amazing friends in the swinging world but its only possible because we talk talk and talk about what we are doing and how we are feeling.

Also make sure you are both comfortable with the guy you choose to invite to join you. Tell them your rules and boundaries up front and don't be afraid to let them go if they try to break or push them. Most guys have a hard time understanding that it is your relationship and your life together tnat is most important.

Good luck OP

12

coffee2sugars wrote:

Just make sure you talk to her and that you both stay within the rules that you set for each other.

Our first time was a soft play only encounter and it gave a glimpse into how we would feel about seeing each other with someone else.

It went fine and we play a lot more now. We have some amazing friends in the swinging world but its only possible because we talk talk and talk about what we are doing and how we are feeling.

Also make sure you are both comfortable with the guy you choose to invite to join you. Tell them your rules and boundaries up front and don't be afraid to let them go if they try to break or push them. Most guys have a hard time understanding that it is your relationship and your life together tnat is most important.

Good luck OP

Many thanks for those kind and wise words coffee2sugars.

Love the username btw!!!

Never really thought about it like that being new to all this, but that's a really good/sensible plan.

Will definitely take this on board!!!!

13

**bump for this update** 

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1610440-another-update-for-you-more-advice-needed/

14

Hi, all I don't know why my thread has been done like this, but if you click on Lovehoney Leanne's link this will take you to my update post question for you all. :-)

16

Hi Jon123,

I can't relate to your special circumstances, but I do have exerperience of consentual non monogomy. My husband had a long term girlfriend for the the first 2 years we were together, and I have had several additional partners, but my relationships are more casaul.

What I would say to you is it is very likely you will be jealous. Jealousy is a natural reaction, particularly if you've always been in monogous relationships (or perhaps even more so if you have been cheated on).

Jealousy in itself isn't a problem, but how you cope and deal with it can be. I used to have bouts of jealousy and insecurity. I found the best way to deal with them is to have an honest conversation with my partner about my feelings on a regular basis. I would also reassure myself whenever I started to get negative thoughts that my husband's relationship with his girlfriend didn't affect how he felt about me. It is also importatnt to minimise jealousy by making sure everyone is happy in the relationship.

No one but you and your partner can make the decision of whether you should go ahead with finding a man. You are right in saying you won't know how you will feel about it until it happens. Nerves are normal, but perhaps try to get to the bottom of if your nervous because you are excited to try something new, or because you are terrified of your relationship breaking apart.

What I would say is if you do go through with it, make sure you communicate often, even about things like jealousy. Don't pretend not to be jealous and let it eat away at you. Make sure you set clear boundries and stick too them. If you keep communicating regularly about this, booking in time when you will not be interuprted and in a space you feel safe, it is unlikely that adding the third will ruin your relationship. I'm a strong beliver that affairs ruin relationships because of the break down of trust, communication and the hurt of being tricked and lied to. Sex that the other partner is a aware of and happy with when there are clear boundries is unlikely to ruin a stable relationship. It may knock your confidence, but if it does, talk about it with your partner and stop the contact with the third if necessary.

Also, give the same considerations to the feelings and boundries set by the extra person as you do your partner, make sure you check in with them to make sure they are happy and confortable with thier involvement in your relationship.

Although I've not been in your specific situation, I hope you find this advise helpful.

17

Jezebella wrote:

Hi Jon123,

I can't relate to your special circumstances, but I do have exerperience of consentual non monogomy. My husband had a long term girlfriend for the the first 2 years we were together, and I have had several additional partners, but my relationships are more casaul.

What I would say to you is it is very likely you will be jealous. Jealousy is a natural reaction, particularly if you've always been in monogous relationships (or perhaps even more so if you have been cheated on).

Jealousy in itself isn't a problem, but how you cope and deal with it can be. I used to have bouts of jealousy and insecurity. I found the best way to deal with them is to have an honest conversation with my partner about my feelings on a regular basis. I would also reassure myself whenever I started to get negative thoughts that my husband's relationship with his girlfriend didn't affect how he felt about me. It is also importatnt to minimise jealousy by making sure everyone is happy in the relationship.

No one but you and your partner can make the decision of whether you should go ahead with finding a man. You are right in saying you won't know how you will feel about it until it happens. Nerves are normal, but perhaps try to get to the bottom of if your nervous because you are excited to try something new, or because you are terrified of your relationship breaking apart.

What I would say is if you do go through with it, make sure you communicate often, even about things like jealousy. Don't pretend not to be jealous and let it eat away at you. Make sure you set clear boundries and stick too them. If you keep communicating regularly about this, booking in time when you will not be interuprted and in a space you feel safe, it is unlikely that adding the third will ruin your relationship. I'm a strong beliver that affairs ruin relationships because of the break down of trust, communication and the hurt of being tricked and lied to. Sex that the other partner is a aware of and happy with when there are clear boundries is unlikely to ruin a stable relationship. It may knock your confidence, but if it does, talk about it with your partner and stop the contact with the third if necessary.

Also, give the same considerations to the feelings and boundries set by the extra person as you do your partner, make sure you check in with them to make sure they are happy and confortable with thier involvement in your relationship.

Although I've not been in your specific situation, I hope you find this advise helpful.

Many thanks for this reply, we found this REALLY helpful so thank you so much for your input

18

Glad I could help :)

19

Great advice from Jezebella!

20

Just another update for you all and we are sorry to be a pain, but we really would like to ask your help again, seeing as you have all been so helpful so far and given fantastic advice....

Let me try and put you in the picture...............

The moment we started talking about letting my wife sleep with another man, the first thing I did was stop working.

I hated my job, it made me a (shall we say) not such a nice person because I was so stressed out and we have (for the 1st time in 12 years) starting spending alot more quality time together and all of a sudden after a 12 year steady relationship, we cannot keep our hands off each other and our sex life has gone through the roof, which has never happened before.

She has been doing online webcams and getting a huge amount of attention, I have also been giving her comliments, making her feel good and we have obviously discussed her sleeping with someone and she has been chatting to them online.

But what is bugging me is what has caused this to make this happen to our relationship and why am I feeling like this?

I don't know if I like it, but I think I do because all these positive things keep happening, so really stuck as to whether or not to let this go ahead?

Because obviously 3/4 things have changed, but we can't put our finger on what it may be?

You probably all know by now that I like using my ''analogys'' but if someone were to blow on the back of your neck and you liked it, but couldn't work out where it was coming from and couldn't see it, how do you grasp what it is that is happening and keep hold of it?

Does that make sense?

Obviously things have changed to a certain degree, but because it's more than 3/4 things, WHAT is responsible, especially when you want to keep hold of whatever it is?

It sounds rather psychological, but kind of stressing us out a little bit.

It's obviously a good thing, but is it one thing, is it 2/3 things, or a combination of everything?

Have you ever had something good happen to you basically and couldn't work out where/how it was coming from, so therefore how do you put your finger on it?

Any help, greatly appreciated and thanks for your understanding. :-)

21

Anyone?