After having kids my ex told me am to lose,which after feeling about and being able to use good size toys i know!!.but can hold juggle balls in all day long,am thinking of giving up on a sex life or having surgery which i don't really want or have money!!.have been single and have been from leaving ex.plz help!!thanks
I personally don't feel you have to give up on your sex life or have surgery if you don't want it. There is alot more to a relationship rather than each others genitals. If someone likes you for who you are this should not be a problem and you will be able to find ways around it by experimenting. And after giving birth this is a natural problem for many women so you are not alone.
Like you said it was your ex that said this, and I always stand by the rule they are an ex for a reason haha. So don't let him get you down or feel bad about your body!
Hello thanks,I know there is more to sex than genitals but I feel a freak and don't want future partners to have to put up me,size doesn't bother me I can cum easily.lol but the whole thing is getting to me and don't really
want surgery..
I have a similar issue I tore my perineum and it never repaired it has the illusion of feeling bigger, because the tighter access isn't intact. I've queried about surgery but I've since found other things that have given me sexual confidence back, for instance I never in my mind thought I would find anal sex satisfying, however I climax faster and feel more satisfied afterward than I did having vaginal sex and left wanting.
My ex never had an issue with my post birth body. Try and feel positive about the changes and explore other ways to be satisfied.
I can completely understand that this is detering you from starting a new relationship, I feel like that when I first have sex with someone new and worry about whether I have been good enough etc. But honestly, despite what many people say and think, most men would not question it and this is coming from a males perspective haha!
When people have problems they often stress about them which makes them think that the issue is far worse than it actually is. I know it's easier said than done but don't let this prevent you from finding someone special! I'm sure you could get a doctors advice who would have seen women with these kinds of worries before.
That's nice of him *sarcasm*
Don't go through surgery just because of some comment someone else has said but because you want too.
If you can keep kegel balls in you most of the day then it seems that you have pretty good pelvic floor muscles going on anyway and that you are worrying more than you need be.
Dont let that comment you're ex said stop you moving on to new relationships and keep up the good pelvic floor work :)
I did think it would affect sex with guys after my ex but they don't know unless you tell them.
And to be fair they're just as likely to have the same concerns as you about their manhood being satisfying enough to you.
(my ex told me am to lose)
OMG did he walk away or was he strechered ?
Being able to use big toys doesn't mean you are 'loose'! Giving birth doesn't either, for that matter...
Do you have any troubles with incontinence? If not, your pelvic floor muscles have not lost their tone. That's the only thing that changes down there after birth, and having weak pelvic floor muscles has more symptoms than feeling 'loose' to a man. I mean the fact you can keep your jiggle balls in (and the fact you can use them at all!) means you haven't lost all muscle tone 'down there' but the pee thing...well, if you're not peeing your pants then your muscles are just fine and your vagina is NOT loose. It's maybe not the most medically profound advice but hey, as a general rule it works :p
They won't actually give you the surgery unless you need it and it sounds like you don't, it is basically a repair job and you don't sound damaged! Please don't let the comments of one idiot ex put your sexual confidence through the floor. My ex told me that too after childbirth so I got kegalling like mad and when I finally summed up the courage to sleep with my new partner...well, it took me a couple of months to be able to fit him in I was so tight! So my size clearly wasn't an issue, it was just the obvious thing that he knew he could say to hurt me.
Yeah I did have a hard time with last childbirth and things not repaired the right the why,think it was wrong for my ex to say as he wasn't on the big size,I and wouldn't ever hurt someone's feelings by pointing it out.
If a man had said such a disgusting comment to me, I'd have floored him.
You do not need his approval to be happy.
Sweetheart, you grew children in your body and gave birth to them. What an incredible achievement. Don't let any man or woman try and tell you that such an amazing act has left you insufficient for them. They are talking out of their backside if they make such a comment.
Nope no inconvenience problems,can hold a wee in all day but things can really really wet during sex sometimes when turned on!!.lol.
I don't think you need surgery, I think you need an emotional recovery period to strike his ugly statements out of your psyche!
There was a whole other tread on here discussing if men like a tight or a loose pussy... and seriously people were all over the place about this. And what the heck defines tight or loose anyway... sheeesh.
Even if you are a little looser post childbirth that does not mean another partner is not going to enjoy sex with you!
The surgery you mention is not without serious risks as well, so it is not something to be taken lightly. I would focus on your kegals, work on your self esteem and move on with life...
Your future partners will not be "putting up with you" they will be enjoying your body and cherishing their access to it. if they don't, they don't deserve to be with you!
He said it because he knew it would knock your confidence, it's that simple. He was childish and hurtful and probably hoped to give you a complex to stop you moving on easily after getting rid of him. People can be incredibly cruel, especially in failing relationships. They don't want to be with you, but want to feel like you need or still want them and it damages their ego if you move on easily once you get your freedom, so they criticise you about things they know you're sensitive about to make you feel inferior and anywhere from aprehensive to down right scared to be with anyone else.
Your vagina will look and feel a bit different, and it might be a little bit less toned, but it's far from loose, the walls have a lot of elasticity. Women can use tampons after birth without them slipping out, they can definitely grip and pleasure a penis just fine. Please, don't feel like there is anything wrong with you as i promise you there isn't. Surgery would be risky, if they would even give it to you, with little if any benefit afterwards. If your pelvic floor is a little weak then kegels will help with that, but honestly, plenty of men end up surpised finding out their new partner is a mother, as they can't tell the difference when having sex.
Vanessa8 wrote:
Even if you are a little looser post childbirth that does not mean another partner is not going to enjoy sex with you!
You know, this reminds me of a line my OH came out with when I told him I was worried giving birth had made me looser. He just looked at me, dead serious, and said 'well I didn't know what you were like before. So how should I know if you're looser? Makes no difference to me!'
Perhaps not the best reassurance he could have given but he had a point, really. They don't miss what they never had lol! To him I am tight enough, and so what if I was tighter before birth I'm still able to satisfy both him and myself now (even if I still get insecure). It's perfectly logical to assume your future partner would have this attitude too, it's not like he can compare your past and present selves is it?
So seriously. If you're not having any other problems I would just work on getting your confidence back after your ex and his nasty comments. Empty words spoken in anger or resentment, they mean nothing. You're still a perfectly good sexual partner, you're not damaged goods, so don't give up on that love life :)
Honestly couldn't put it better then lovebird 100% spot on! :)
You said you can hold in jiggle balls all day, you don't sound loose to me! Maybe you could try smaller or heavier jiggleballs or ben wa balls for a a bit more of a challenge, but to me it sounds like this guy has no idea how you really feel! My suggestion is that you talk to him and explain how you feel on this subject, going under the knife is not something to be decided lightly and you never know if there could be complications later on. Still, all the best, I hope that you work something out :)
VirginAngel wrote:
He said it because he knew it would knock your confidence, it's that simple. He was childish and hurtful and probably hoped to give you a complex to stop you moving on easily after getting rid of him. People can be incredibly cruel, especially in failing relationships. They don't want to be with you, but want to feel like you need or still want them and it damages their ego if you move on easily once you get your freedom, so they criticise you about things they know you're sensitive about to make you feel inferior and anywhere from aprehensive to down right scared to be with anyone else.
I agree with VA, that was a horrible thing to say to you, and it may not even be true.
If you want to imrpove your pelvic floor strength, I'd suggest using toner balls. Which ones have you tried already? If you want more of a challenge I'd highly recommend the Ami + - it's very comfortable to use and it's more challenging than other toner balls. The most advanced set I've found are the FSOG inner godess ones - if you master them you have NOTHINg to worry about! I've reviewed both sets here if you're interested:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32417&reviewid=111968#customer_reviews
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26073&reviewid=116885#customer_reviews
Lovebirds_x wrote:
Being able to use big toys doesn't mean you are 'loose'! Giving birth doesn't either, for that matter...
Do you have any troubles with incontinence? If not, your pelvic floor muscles have not lost their tone. That's the only thing that changes down there after birth, and having weak pelvic floor muscles has more symptoms than feeling 'loose' to a man. I mean the fact you can keep your jiggle balls in (and the fact you can use them at all!) means you haven't lost all muscle tone 'down there' but the pee thing...well, if you're not peeing your pants then your muscles are just fine and your vagina is NOT loose. It's maybe not the most medically profound advice but hey, as a general rule it works :p
They won't actually give you the surgery unless you need it and it sounds like you don't, it is basically a repair job and you don't sound damaged! Please don't let the comments of one idiot ex put your sexual confidence through the floor. My ex told me that too after childbirth so I got kegalling like mad and when I finally summed up the courage to sleep with my new partner...well, it took me a couple of months to be able to fit him in I was so tight! So my size clearly wasn't an issue, it was just the obvious thing that he knew he could say to hurt me.
Lovebirds is spot on. He is your ex and as such is not going to be complimentary to you. Persist with the jiggle balls, they do work. If you are considering surgery (I don't think you should) then why not treat yourself to the Lelo training egg, it is designed specifically to assist in the training of your pelvic floor muscles. It would be a lot cheaper, and to be honest I think you just need a confidence boost, not surgery.
dont let your ex get to you, he is in the past, onwards and upwards my friend.
Thanks feeling a bit better now,not gonna go download surgery route now have read some reviews and heard it doesn't always work,am not sure if it's the entrance and that area which might be the problem with juggle balls staying put must of the time an less am doing splits.confused in my own body but 10 times happier on my own.